IT'S HOW YOU SEE IT

"I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection." - Billy Joel

A young salesman became discouraged because he had been rejected by so many customers he approached. He asked a more experienced salesman for some advice.“Why is it that every time I make a call on someone I get rejected?” “I just don’t understand that,” answered the older salesman. “I’ve been hit on the head, called dirty names, and thrown out the door, but I’ve never been rejected.”

Rejection isn’t only about what happens to us but also how we interpret or respond to what happens to us. There are ways to treat the psychological wounds rejection inflict on us. It's possible to treat the emotional pain rejection elicits and to prevent the psychological, emotional, and relationship fallout that occur in its aftermath. To do so effectively we must address each of our psychological wounds (i.e., soothe our emotional pain, reduce our anger and aggression, protect our self-esteem, and stabilize our need to belong). We can decide on how we intend to feel after a seeming act of rejection is carried out against us.

It is mostly our perception, interpretation and/or decision; based on our thoughts (after being rejected), that determines how well or how badly we're affected. Rejection sometimes does not respond to reason. Here's why. Participants were put through an experiment in which they were rejected by strangers. However the experiment was rigged - because the strangers were confederates. Surprisingly, being told the "strangers" did not actually reject them did little to ease the emotional pain they felt - did little to soothe their hurt feelings.

Even though rejection can make us commit atrocities from the hurt feelings it exudes, we can chose to be like the older salesman and tell ourselves we haven't been rejected, or believe like the participants in the experiment or, the younger salesman and get hurt. The choice is yours for "rejection is in the eye of the beholder" - how do you see it?