FRIENDS DO NOT (ONLY) LAST A LIFE TIME

Wisdom Nugget: A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother

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Remember "You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late."-Ralph Waldo Emerson

And David said, Is there yet any that is left of the house of Saul, that I may shew him kindness for Jonathan's sake?

In the few years I have lived, I have seen quite a great deal of unbelievable conduct between supposed friends which is why I strongly hold the view that most FRIENDS DO NOT LAST A LIFE TIME

(1) Ebi just lost the father and soon after the burial she needed badly to pay her school fees and felt the best person to talk to would be the Dad's former best friend. To her utter shock, he demands for sex as a pre-condition for any financial assistance.
(2) Mr Tony and his best friend Tijani who were business partners were at the verge of closing a major deal that would fetch them hundreds of millions, when suddenly Tijani got involved in a ghastly accident on his way to one of the project sites. He died  a few days later and a month after his burial the project is completed and money paid to their company account. The widow of late Mr Tijani got wind that payment had just been made for the job which took her husband's life. She phoned Mr Tony, but he refused to answer her calls.She eventually tracked him down to the office and he lied to her that no payment was ever made. Two years later, she received a pittance from Mr Tony; upposedly her husband's share of the contract money. He said he didn't have to give her anything and wass in fact doing her a Favour.
(3) A heated argument broke out between the driver and this pretty young woman. She would not pay any fare for her young son because she did not have such money. She would rather carry him on her laps. Then she added "After all, since his father died, they haven't given me nothing !" At that point I became curious and wanted to know more. I offered to pay for her son so she could tell me. Her husband had died in war as an Ecomog Peace keeping soldier in Liberia. And when she demanded for his gratuities, her husband's former boss insisted on sleeping with her first. When she refused, the money was finally paid to her father-in-law who refused to give her or any of her kids a dime. Only her first son was in school, courtesy of some kind soldiers in the barracks who had contributed into a purse to help him for he was very bright.


David and Jonathan entered into a covenant of friendship. Many years later both Jonathan and his father Saul were dead and forgotten, but not by David. David woke up one morning, according to our text, and began to look for just any survivors of Saul's family so he could show them kindness, not for their sake but " for Jonathan's sake!" Because David believed that true friendship lasts beyond one's life time; it endures for all time. David discovered Mephibosheth,  restored back to him every property, investment and servant belonging to his late father, and all the benefits due a king's son.

Look for family members of your late covenant (bosom or close friend)  who are in "Lode-bar" (distress and despair) and show them kindness "for your late friend's sake" because friends are not only for life but much more in death. The bad news is we will all die one day and the seeds we sow for others today, (good, bad or ugly) our families shall reap them "good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over."

As the wise saying goes, whatever goes around, comes around. Friends are not for life only but for all time ! Remember "You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late."-Ralph Waldo Emerson.

And "no act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted"-Aesop.

Friends Are Not For Life...

Wisdom Nugget: "Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend."

                                                                                                                -Albert Camus

Friends
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We've probably used this very popular phrase about friends before. "Friends are for life". But today I beg to completely disagree with you.

Amongst all the several definitions of who a true friend is that I have read about, William Penn's stands out: "a true friend freely advises, justly assists, readily adventures, boldly takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably."

For want of space, let me take only one item from the above: "DEFENDS COURAGEOUSLY".

A true friend will not keep quiet when someone is gossiping about you. They may not know the details but will not tolerate anyone running you down where they are. They courageously defend you first before they come to find out (from you) whether what they said about you was true . In the law of friendship "silence (when your friend is being defamed) is equal to tacit support for the defamation." You are as guilty as the one who is peddling the story. But DEFENDING COURAGEOUSLY goes beyond gossips.

Everyone knows the fate of women when their husbands die (or when their sons die). Inhuman treatment are sometimes, metted out to helpless and defenseless widows in certain cultures.That was why Jesus said to his mother, "woman, behold thy son!" Then saith he to his trusted friend  "Behold thy mother!" And because the trusted friend, John, understood the coded language of his dear and dying friend Jesus, from that hour he took her unto his own home, to protect, defend and look after her. Remember, soon after this Jesus died. The master's body was lifeless. John's friend and future were buried, but still John didn't leave. Why? Was he waiting for the resurrection? No. As far as he knew, Jesus' lips were forever silent and his hands forever still. He wasn't expecting a Sunday surprise. Then why was he here? You'd think he would have left. Who was to say that the men who crucified Christ wouldn't come after him? The crowds were pleased with one crucifixion; the religious leaders might have called for more. Why didn't John get out of town? Perhaps the answer was pragmatic. Perhaps, he was taking care of Jesus' mother. Or maybe he lingered because he loved his friend Jesus. To others, Jesus was a miracle worker, was a master teacher, to some others, Jesus was the hope of Israel. But to John, he was all of these and more. To John, Jesus was a friend. John had learnt that "You don't abandon a friend - not even when that friend is dead because friends are not for life but for all time".

Did he understand Jesus? No. Nobody fully did. Was he glad Jesus did what he did? No. But did he leave Jesus? No. Our friendship is hypocritical if after our friend died, we did not arise to defend his widow and fight for the upkeep of their children. If we watched our friend's widow humiliated and their children frustrated by a tradition that gave one irresponsible in-law the right to deprive her and her kids of all their late husband and father laboured for and did nothing, then we were never friends in the first place, but wicked, selfish, conscienceless and  opportunistic imposters whose true character had been revealed in the unfortunate event. Our friends' widow and children are still in shock as they observe our indifference, wondering if we were the same people who ate in their home and hung around with their dad.

Friends we should take up our responsibilities, and understand that : "FROM THE DAY OUR FRIEND DIES WE BECAME A FATHER  TO HIS KIDS AND A HUSBAND TO HIS WIDOW"! Not in conjugal terms but in terms of "RESPONSIBILITY TO THE BEST OF OUR ABILITY".

Let us conclude with the words of  C. JoyBell C "There are still some wonderful people left in this world! They are diamonds in the rough, but they're around! You'll find them when you fall down- they're the ones who pick you up. They will never judge you. But you'll only know them them when you're down! When you get up again, remember who your true friends are!"

 "... there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."

Bottomline: riends are not for life, but for all time.

Handling Rejection I

Wisdom Nugget: "He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him"

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"Gilead's wife had several sons. When they grew up, they did not like Jephthah. They forced Jephthah to leave his hometown. They said to him,"You will not get any of our father's property, because you are the son of another woman."So Jephthah went away because of his brothers..."

Rejection has a way of destroying a person's life in a way that few other things can, because it attacks the very person that we are. It destroys our self-esteem, and attacks who we are and our purpose in life. The sad fact is that the number of people who are affected by rejection is staggering. If we want to be all that we have been created to be, then overcoming rejection and its effects is vital and absolutely essential.

The word "rejection" was first used in 1415; the original meaning was "to throw" or "to throw back". There's hardly anyone who hasn't been fraught with the issue of rejection. None.

"He came to the world that was his own. And his own people did not accept him". Moments of rejection are  very delicate periods in everyone's life. Bo Bennett, a businessman and author says, "A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success." At such times as this the usual feeling is to sulk, feel pity for oneself and wish the world to end and at such times it's highly required to avoid the company of people who are going through the same situation as you and having the same feelings as you, because it is usually very easy at such times to find them almost everywhere you turn. Instead it's divine wisdom to look for those who will uplift your spirit with encouraging words - to pull you out of the pit. As Rush Limbaugh, radio talk show host puts it when he said "It's too easy to find people who've failed and are embittered. The best thing you can do is hang around people who've succeeded and are happy doing what you want to do and learn from them."

We might not at all be able to eliminate rejection in our daily lives because sometimes it's a necessary tool to sharpen our rough edges in preparation for a more glorious life ahead of us. If only we can choose to see the blessings disguised in some of those ugly packaging called rejection, we'd realize at the end of the day that "it wasn't really a bad experience after all". Augie, from SelflessMinds.com quipped "Rejection is fun when you can learn from it and grow as a wiser person." Norman Vincent Peale adds that "Life's blows cannot break a person whose spirit is warmed at the fire of enthusiasm."
Beloved, be consoled by the fact that "rejection" is only going to last awhile; it's a "going through" not a "staying in". We are told "...The Lord has promised that he will not leave us or desert us."  "...and remember! I will be with you always, yes, even until the end...")

Let us close with this quote by Winston Churchill "If you're going through hell, keep going."

Family Matters: Five More Minutes

Wisdom Nuggets: "All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any"

"Children are a gift from the Lord, a reward from a mother's womb.4 A young man's son are like the arrows in a soldier's hand"

There was a time, and maybe still is, when you might hear a parent say something about wanting to provide a "better life" for their children. A better life than what they (the parent) had growing up. And by better life, they mean - a bigger house, more and nicer cars, and more stuff. And I'm wondering is the next generation going to try to build a better life for their children - and by better life would they mean - maybe a smaller house or apartment, fewer and not so nice cars, less stuff - but more time together as a family because they will work fewer jobs, or a jobs that pay less but allow them work less and be home more? It's not so difficult to realize that life is all about making priorities, and family is the one and only priority on top of all other, so spend all the time you can with your children, while you still have the chance because they crave it- like I did while growing up.

While at the park one day, a woman sat down next to a man on a bench near a playground. "That's my boy over there," she said smiling, pointing to a little boy in a red sweater who was gliding down the slide.  "He's a fine looking boy" the man said. "That's my daughter on the bike in the white dress" Then, looking at his watch, he called to his daughter. "What do you say we go, Melissa?", "Just five more minutes, Dad, please? Just five more minutes" The man nodded and Melissa continued to ride her bike to her heart's content. Minutes passed and the father stood and called again to his daughter. "Time to go now" Again Melissa pleaded, "Five more minutes, Dad, just five more minutes"  The man smiled and said, "Ok"  "My, you certainly are a patient father," the woman responded. The man smiled and then said, "Her older brother Tommy was killed by a drunk driver last year while he was riding his bike near here. I never spent much time with Tommy and now I'd give anything for just five more minutes with him. I've vowed not to make the same mistake with Melissa.  She thinks she has five more minutes to ride her bike. The truth is, I get five more minutes to watch her play."

Just a short reminder to everyone working so hard in life that we should not let time slip through our fingers without, having spent quality time with our children, who really matter to us, and those close to our hearts. If we were to die today, the same company will easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. Why pour ourselves more into work than our family?

Beloved, it's sad that we have prioritized spending quality time with our children with presents, fancy cars and all. Yes. Those are good too, but not very important.  "All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient..." some things are more important than others and it's  high time we as parents realized, according to how Jesse Jackson put it when he said, "your children need your presence more than your presents".

What Do You See II

Wisdom Nugget: "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."

                                                                                                              -  Helen Keller

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The difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is the way you use them" and Duke Ellington said that a problem is a chance for you to do your best." I couldn't have agreed any better with Duke Ellington, if I wasn't acquainted already with the story of Thomas Edison, who after failing about ten thousand times in a particular venture, used his failures as stepping stones to achieving his very desire. What do you see, when you experience difficulties and unpleasant experiences, disappointments, and so on? Do you see with the eyes of faith or you see with the eyes of fear and resentment? It's important to understand that there's no successful man without a groaning story, because its experiences such as that that lead to them to their glorious stories.

Hear this. Everyone on top today didn't get there with success after success. More often than not, those who history best remembers were faced with numerous obstacles that forced them to work harder and show more determination than others. Next time you're feeling down about your failures in college or in a career, keep these famous people in mind and remind yourself that sometimes failure is just the first step towards success. You may not have heard of Akio Morita, but you've undoubtedly heard of his company, Sony. Sony's first product was a rice cooker that unfortunately didn't cook rice so much as burns it, selling less than 100 units. This first setback didn't stop Morita and his partners as they pushed forward to create a multi-billion dollar company. Today Disney rakes in billions from merchandise, movies and theme parks around the world, but Walt Disney himself had a bit of a rough start. He was fired by a newspaper editor because, "he lacked imagination and had no good ideas." After that, Disney started a number of businesses that didn't last too long and ended with bankruptcy and failure. He kept plugging along, however, and eventually found a recipe for success that worked. Less Brown, the renowned motivational speaker, was turned down for a job severally but he, in the midst of all that rejection took his stumbling blocks as stepping stones. You too can do the same if you can see the good in every bad situation you encounter.

Malcolm S. Forbes said that when things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always get worse. And when they are, we find hope in the thought that things are so bad they have to get better. "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it change the way you think about it. - Mary Engelbreit.

Whatever you believe or think in your heart (about your circumstances), comes to pass, and so it's required that we see and confess positively, even in difficult times, for life and death are in the power of the tongue.