Wisdom Nugget: "Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend."
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We've probably used this very popular phrase about friends before. "Friends are for life". But today I beg to completely disagree with you.
Amongst all the several definitions of who a true friend is that I have read about, William Penn's stands out: "a true friend freely advises, justly assists, readily adventures, boldly takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably."
For want of space, let me take only one item from the above: "DEFENDS COURAGEOUSLY".
A true friend will not keep quiet when someone is gossiping about you. They may not know the details but will not tolerate anyone running you down where they are. They courageously defend you first before they come to find out (from you) whether what they said about you was true . In the law of friendship "silence (when your friend is being defamed) is equal to tacit support for the defamation." You are as guilty as the one who is peddling the story. But DEFENDING COURAGEOUSLY goes beyond gossips.
Everyone knows the fate of women when their husbands die (or when their sons die). Inhuman treatment are sometimes, metted out to helpless and defenseless widows in certain cultures.That was why Jesus said to his mother, "woman, behold thy son!" Then saith he to his trusted friend "Behold thy mother!" And because the trusted friend, John, understood the coded language of his dear and dying friend Jesus, from that hour he took her unto his own home, to protect, defend and look after her. Remember, soon after this Jesus died. The master's body was lifeless. John's friend and future were buried, but still John didn't leave. Why? Was he waiting for the resurrection? No. As far as he knew, Jesus' lips were forever silent and his hands forever still. He wasn't expecting a Sunday surprise. Then why was he here? You'd think he would have left. Who was to say that the men who crucified Christ wouldn't come after him? The crowds were pleased with one crucifixion; the religious leaders might have called for more. Why didn't John get out of town? Perhaps the answer was pragmatic. Perhaps, he was taking care of Jesus' mother. Or maybe he lingered because he loved his friend Jesus. To others, Jesus was a miracle worker, was a master teacher, to some others, Jesus was the hope of Israel. But to John, he was all of these and more. To John, Jesus was a friend. John had learnt that "You don't abandon a friend - not even when that friend is dead because friends are not for life but for all time".
Did he understand Jesus? No. Nobody fully did. Was he glad Jesus did what he did? No. But did he leave Jesus? No. Our friendship is hypocritical if after our friend died, we did not arise to defend his widow and fight for the upkeep of their children. If we watched our friend's widow humiliated and their children frustrated by a tradition that gave one irresponsible in-law the right to deprive her and her kids of all their late husband and father laboured for and did nothing, then we were never friends in the first place, but wicked, selfish, conscienceless and opportunistic imposters whose true character had been revealed in the unfortunate event. Our friends' widow and children are still in shock as they observe our indifference, wondering if we were the same people who ate in their home and hung around with their dad.
Friends we should take up our responsibilities, and understand that : "FROM THE DAY OUR FRIEND DIES WE BECAME A FATHER TO HIS KIDS AND A HUSBAND TO HIS WIDOW"! Not in conjugal terms but in terms of "RESPONSIBILITY TO THE BEST OF OUR ABILITY".
Let us conclude with the words of C. JoyBell C "There are still some wonderful people left in this world! They are diamonds in the rough, but they're around! You'll find them when you fall down- they're the ones who pick you up. They will never judge you. But you'll only know them them when you're down! When you get up again, remember who your true friends are!"
"... there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."
Bottomline: riends are not for life, but for all time.
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