Why You Must Forgive Yourself

Wisdom Nuggets: "We achieve inner health only through forgiveness - the forgiveness not only of others but also of ourselves." - Joshua Loth Liebman

Don't hide from your feelings

It's important to deal with this issue of unwarranted sense of guilt, which  many people struggle with. This is not talking about guilt which occurs as a result of un-confessed wrongs; but the feeling of guilt which continues to trouble us even after all has been forgiven and forgotten.

Feelings of guilt experienced as a result of un-confessed sin in our lives is a proper response. This guilt may, sometimes, linger for a while as a consequence of a grieving conscience, and that is a proper guilt. To ignore this kind of guilt is as dangerous as harbouring unforgiveness against yourself.
Guilt is a form of guard (or guage) for the conscience. But we must assume that we should be deprived of the freedom of forgiveness. Holding unto feeling of bitterness (and unforgiveness) can deprive us of peace of mind.

A woman told a story about her inability to forgive herself, when she fell ill. Her story begins thus: "When I was growing up with type I diabetes, I felt a sense of guilt as if somehow it was my fault. I reflected back on everything in my life that I had done wrong and immediately saw them as the reasons for my ill-health ...I'd also made some choices in life which proved to be wrong. Again, I laid carried the pain of guilt around. In times as this we tend to hold ourselves to harsher judgment than we do others. Suddenly those little things we did, which seemed so small, would  gloom and brighten the blemishes on our lives, so tha we see them as unforgivable. These emotions can quickly snowball into a mess of trouble as they did for me. Suddenly I viewed everything and everyone I touched as if they were my victims. I reached a point where I had little joy left deep inside of myself because all I could understand through the fog was that I was ruining all the hopes and dreams of those I loved, even though that was not true. I felt as if I had single-handedly ruined the lives of my siblings, husband and children solely because I was ill or because of the wrong choices I had made in my life.

Similar feelings of guilt can be experienced by someone who loses a family member to death. All they can think of is "What if I had done...?", "If only I had been there..." or "I wish I had told them...." With time i came to understand that i wasn't being fair to myself and that i needed to forget about the past, so i worked harder towards forgiving myself. Blaming yourself after an event must have occurred (and after you've obtained forgiveness)  is very wrong. You shouldn't. In as much as you have forgiven those who've wronged you, you must also forgive yourself. Don't blame yourself; and quit taking those guilt-trips down memory lane. What's to be gained from blaming ourselves for things we had no control over? The most compassionate thing you can do for yourself and others is to forgive yourself.

An unknown sage once said: "You can't undo anything you've already done, but you can face it. You can tell the truth. You can seek forgiveness. And let God do the rest."

According to Jane Fonda, "The people who did you wrong or who didn't quite know how to show up, you forgive them. And forgiving them allows you to forgive yourself too"

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Dealing With Guilt And Forgiving Yourself

Wisdom Nuggets: “I have learned, that the person I have to ask for forgiveness from the most is: myself. You must love yourself. You have to forgive yourself, everyday, whenever you remember a shortcoming, a flaw, you have to tell yourself "That's just fine". You have to forgive yourself so much, until you don't even see those things anymore. Because that's what love is like.”

                                                                                                              -C. JoyBell C

Forgiving Yourself

Larry Sorensen lives in Lake Wobegon. He'd been saved a dozen times at the altar of a Lutheran church that never gave altar calls. He would come to the altar time after time and weep buckets and buckets of tears and come back the next Sunday and do the very same thing. Larry Sorensen kept repenting and repenting; but somehow, he couldn’t get beyond the repenting stage. Pretty soon even the “fundamentalists got tired of him.” Larry couldn’t believe that he could totally be forgive him. The guilt of all he had done eroded his will to forgive himself. Instead of being free to move on, he came to church week after week constantly feeling guilty and trying to get back on track over and over again.

Have you ever heard this quote: “You cannot give what you do not have”?

It is worthy of note that people cannot give something they do not have. Someone once said, “forgiveness is something you do, not for the other person, but for yourself”. How can you forgive others when you cannot forgive yourself?

We might have gotten involved in some shameful (or dreadful things) in the past. There are things that we are unable to forgive ourselves for, so that we cannot even expect to receive forgiveness from people we've offended. We harbour feelings of guilt for mistakes made in our past and we allow them taunt us, even after we have prayed. We must  stop crucifying ourselves for nothing. Truly, it is useless to worry about past deeds because they cannot be undone. All we can do is ask for forgiveness (make restitutions were needed), forgive on our parts and let things go.

Bill Cosby said “People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.” 

 The ball is in your court. Forgive yourself.

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