DEALING WITH CHILD (SEXUAL) ABUSE

Wisdom Nugget: "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged."

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Child sexual abuse occurs when adults (or older people) use children to fulfil their sexual pleasure.
Of all forms of abuse, child sexual abuse is perhaps the most difficult one for people to deal with. Nobody wants to think or talk about child sexual abuse because sex is considered to be something secret and taboo, not to be talked about. Not talking about sex however, has left children unprotected and adults feeling helpless. And truthfully, children can be sexually abused by anyone. That someone could be their parents, uncles, aunts, cousins and/or priests, even teachers. These trusted people are not incapable of sexually abusing them. There are a number of reasons for this. There are several things that make children especially vulnerable to sexual abuse. One of them is that traditionally, children are taught to respect and obey elders; this makes it difficult for them to say "no" to an adult. In addition, children are dependent on adults for many things including love, affection, protection, food and other basic needs and might want to do anything to make sure they keep getting them.

Brenda remarried two years after she lost her husband. She wanted a 'new daddy' for her four year old daughter, Jenny, and she believed Mike would fit properly into the role. She worked in a bank, so she always left home very early and came back late. Unknown to her, Mike was more interested in her little baby sexually than in being her daddy. He made her do things to him and also did things to her and the child never told anyone because she believed Mike when he said "that's what daddies do" He took pictures of her undressed and made her watch pornographic pictures and videos. Jenny would always cry when her mummy was going to work but Brenda never understood. In school Jenny kept to herself; she wouldn't participate in activities with the other kids. Back home Mike always snuck around trying to molest her even when mummy was fast asleep at night. This went on for years until Mike started physically abusing Brenda and she had to walk out of the marriage, taking Jenny with her. Jenny didn't tell her story until she was twenty-four years old when she went for counseling and had to free herself of the burden by telling her story for the first time.

This is the same story of most children living right under their parents. Some of them are being abused by uncles, neighbours, teachers, etc. and they might never get to tell them out of fear. That's why you have to look out for the signs yourself. It is a parent's responsibility as the adult around them. They might not be your children, but you have an obligation to report any child abuse you detect around you. Karen Adams said, "Child abuse does not go away. But 90% of child abuse is preventable"

We have to realize that children who are sexually abused may never recover from it except they get help. Abuse is damaging! It can change a child's destiny for the worse. That's why we need to help them and save them from paedophiles. We owe them that responsibility. It is a moral obligation. Our text says "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged." This is addressed to the fathers in the household and, by extension, to anyone in authority over that child. Those in authority are commanded, not suggested, not to provoke (abuse) a child until he is violently angry or in a rage of frustration.  It's simply saying that people in authority should not abuse any child for any reason. There can never be a good reason to abuse a child.

DEALING WITH DOMESTIC ABUSE

Wisdom Nugget: "Husbands love your wives, and do not be harsh with them."

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Domestic abuse is a pattern of behavior which involves the abuse by one partner against another in an intimate relationship such as marriage, cohabitation, dating or within the family. Domestic violence can take many forms, including physical aggression or assault (hitting, kicking, biting, shoving, restraining, slapping, throwing objects, battery), or threats thereof; sexual abuse; emotional abuse; controlling or domineering; intimidation; stalking; passive/covert abuse (e.g., neglect); and economic deprivation. Domestic violence occurs across the world in various cultures and affects people across societies, irrespective of their economic status, race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It has profound consequences on the lives of children, adults and families because it's the kind of abuse committed by someone that's supposed to love you.

Domestic violence could encompass both physical and emotional abuse. These includes sexual abuse, rape, incest, sexual assault, starvation, verbal and physiological abuse, economic abuse and exploitation, denial of basic education, intimidation and harassment, stalking, hazardous attack such as acid bath with offensive or poisonous substance, damage of property.

Wives and children are the most commonly abused. Men are abused too, but mostly verbally and psychologically. Our text admonishes husbands to love their wives and not be harsh, if you can apply this to your wives, so can you to your children. You'd find it naturally flowing down to them. This also applies to wives towards their husbands. Expressing love goes a long way to curb abuse.

Angela told her story; my real father was very abusive to my mom, my four siblings and me. When I was 11 years old, my younger sister, my three brothers and I were placed in foster care homes, as my mom could not handle this life of abuse and had no other supports to keep her life together. It was my further misfortune that the foster father where my sister and I were placed was emotionally, physically and mentally abusive to all of the children in the home. At one point we had as many as ten children living in this home. I was the cook and the bottle washer, and was just one of many who would work very hard with much scolding and degradation. On one occasion I watched my foster brother get beaten. It was very traumatizing. I thought that I was witnessing a murder! This young man was 9 years old and the reason that he was getting this severe treatment was because he did not know how to eat with a spoon or fork. He had never been taught, and somehow that warranted punishment - as if it were his fault. I watched his under-nourished body as he was thrown violently down a full flight of stairs. Once he landed on the concrete basement floor and just laid there. I thought that he had died. My foster father followed him down the stairs then proceeded to kick him from one end of the basement to the other. He punched this poor lifeless body, then spoke such negative words over this young man and then continued to kick him repeatedly. I was so terrified at what I had witnessed that I ran away to my room so that he would not know how much I had seen that day. Thank God that this young boy managed to survive this terrible beating. The next day, every part of his body was swollen and black and blue. He still had to do all of his chores. This young man later grew up and was abusive to his first wife until she left him. He then remarried another woman and beat her as well. The cycle perpetuated, which is often seen, unless counsel, therapy, education or some other kind of intervention, changes the course of the cycle.

Domestic violence is common and occurs in more homes than you can imagine. Women take in girls as 'house maids' and treat them like slaves. While their children are treated like kings and the 'maids' serve them and is at their service. I find such scenarios amusing because those parents think they're doing their children well, while the fact is that most of these kids end up spoilt and are unable to live independently even after they grow up. Yes, the bible said "train up a child the way he should go." but it didn't say "kill a child before he grows."  Besides, it's beyond the marks and bruises; you could be damaging your victim emotionally for life. You could be creating the worlds' next monster, because abuse does one of two things; it either turns the abused into an abuser or it turns the abused into their shells for the rest of their lives.

Salma Hayek said "There is a subconscious way of taking violence as a way of expression, as normality, and it has a lot of effects in the youth in the way they absorb education and what they hope to get out of life."

Your Mama

Wisdom Nugget: "Her children arise and call her blessed many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."

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As the wise saying goes, "you never know what you have until it's gone."

Naturally, most of the time we become so used to certain people, especially family around us that we trivialize their importance and value, to the extent that most times we don't even remember they exist, even while they are close-by. I have had the opportunity of attending burial ceremonies and have almost, all the time, heard family members or acquaintances eulogise the dead, or attempting to do so amidst teary eyes. Usually, I realize there's always something nice to say about the departed. But it crossed my mind to ask myself once, "How many times do we make these people know how important they are to us, or how often do we give such praises or pour such accolades on them while they are alive? Very unlikely that they never even knew they were so loved and cherished.

We are usually either very busy trying to make all the money in the world while  forgetting that we wouldn't have any loved ones to spend the money on if they died. Someone said "What's the most important thing in life? To me, it's FAMILY, because if you take away the fame & fortune they're the ones that will always be there."

A man stopped at a flower shop to order some flowers to be wired to his mother who lived two hundred miles away. As he got out of his car he noticed a young girl sitting on the curb sobbing. He asked her what was wrong and she replied, "I wanted to buy a red rose for my mother. But I only have seventy-five cents, and a rose costs two dollars."
The man smiled and said, "Come on in with me. I'll buy you a rose." He bought the little girl her rose and ordered his own mother's flowers. As they were leaving he offered the girl a ride home. She said, "Yes, please! You can take me to my mother." She directed him to a cemetery, where she placed the rose on a freshly dug grave. The man returned to the flower shop, cancelled the wire order, picked up a bouquet and drove the two hundred miles to his mother's house.

As we celebrate women all around the world, do something special for your mother, or that mother figure in your life. Make that call, send those flowers, wire some money, above all the gifts, tell her how important - let her know how much of a wonderful mother she has been to you. It was Abraham Lincoln who quipped, "All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother."

Remember this: your mother will not be around forever. Appreciate her while she's still alive. Life is short. Spend as much time as you can loving and caring for her. Enjoy each moment with loved ones, before it's too late.

Nothing compares to family.

Love Never Gives Up

Wisdom Nugget : Love never gives up on people. It never stops trusting, never loses hope, and never quits. 

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One of the reasons life brings people into our lives is because everybody has something special to offer the other person to make their lives better, and since no man is an island life will always use iron to sharpen iron.

Paul puts it thus :  "He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love".

This truth applies to all relationships :"As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow". So our growth is partly a function of the special part or role played in our lives by others. This implies straight away that none of us is perfect but that one of the essence of great relationships is the ability to leave people better than you met them.

Baltasar Gracian said "True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils". If we all understand that friends are in our lives not only for what we can get from them but for the special way in whcih he can affect their lives, then the world would be a better place. So as we relate with people get ready to see their faults, mistakes, dysfunctions, skewed lifestyle and failures.

Don't give up on people because we all need friends to be patient with us. Before you give up on your friend, according to our text, ask yourself "have I done my own special work or fulfilled my divine assignment in this life ?" And if the answer is a "No" then you have no right to give up on them.
During a terrible storm at sea that threatened every moment to carry the ship to the bottom, one of the ship’s crew was doing something on the deck when a great sea struck the ship and went fairly over the deck, striking this man with great force, disabling him and carrying him into the mad waters.
Although he was a good swimmer, he was so disabled that he could only keep his head above water. They saw him lifting up his imploring hands through the white foam, signifying his desire for help. But the Captain said, "Don’t lower a boat, for no small boat can live in this sea, in this terrific storm. We cannot save the man. The most we can do is to save the ship."

The vessel was bearing farther and farther from the helpless man. Once more they saw his imploring hands come up among the white caps further off, which moved all hearts that witnessed it. Still the Captain said a small boat must not be lowered, as it could not live a moment among these wild billows. But one man who was an expert swimmer, was so moved by the imploring signals of the drowning man, that he threw off his loose garments, saying: "I will save that man, or die with him."
So plunging into the surging deep, he struggled so bravely with the mad waters, that he reached the poor man just as his strength had gone; he had given up and was filling with water, and sinking down unconscious. He grasped him, and strange to tell, he brought him so near the ship that a small boat was lowered, and both men were taken up and laid down upon the deck. The one that had been swept overboard, entirely unconscious and his deliverer nearly so. Appliances were used and both were brought to consciousness.
As soon as the rescued man opened his eyes and found he was not in the ocean, his first words were: "Who saved me?"

He was pointed to his deliverer still lying on the deck in his wet clothes. He crept to his deliverer, and putting his arms around his feet, and in the most tender and heart moving tone of voice cried out: "I’m your servant, I’m your servant." He felt that he could never do enough for him.

 Love never gives up on people.

21 Days of Strictly Truth-telling. Are You Game?

Wisdom Nugget: "A man who bears false witness against his neighbor is like a war club, or a sword, or a sharp arrow." 

Imagine a world without lies. Imagine everyone told the truth and no one had the ability to tell a lie. Wouldn't half of the world's problems be gone; if not all?

Imagine a salesperson selling products to you without telling a bit of a lie. Imagine politicians telling us plainly the way things are and sparing us a weave of lies. Imagine companies advertising the real quality of their products and services? Imagine the news giving us all the details without filtering or adjusting it to suit 'political interests', wouldn't the world be a better place? Do you still think there'll be corruption? But alas, almost all of us are guilty of lying at some point in our lives, irrespective of the fact that we claim to have lied for a 'good cause'.The truth is, a lie is a lie, irrespective of your reason for telling  it. Herbert said, "Dare to be true: nothing can need a lie: A fault, which needs it most, grows two thereby."
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Today, lies are a part of our daily lives.

Mr. Ben executes a contract for "Jay & Jay Enterprises", and submits his quota to the company and he's told "the cheque will be in the mail tomorrow", one month later, Mr. Ben hasn't gotten any mail. Brenda runs into an old friend at the mall but is in a hurry. She is 30 minutes late in picking up her children from school so she takes her old friend's business card and says "I'll call you tomorrow". Brenda walks out of the mall and drops the business card in the nearest bin. Stephanie goes to apply for a job in a company and the secretary to the managing director says "we're not recruiting right now but give me your resume; I'll pass it to my boss and who knows he might have a position for you?" Stephanie leaves her resume with the secretary. Three months later the resume is still on the secretary's desk gathering dust. Ada gets dumped by Femi, two weeks later; she gets a wedding card from him. When she confronts him, he says "No I wasn't dating her when I was with you". Really? So, he's marrying her two weeks after he met her? You walk into a boutique to buy a dress and on the label it's written "one size fits all". Ten minutes later you're in the changing room with the attendant struggling to pull the dress down your torso. So who is "all" referring to? Chloe is lying on the dentist's table, the dentist looks into her eyes and says :"open wide it won't hurt a bit" thirty minutes later Chloe works out from the dentist's with red eyes and a tight throat from screaming in pain. Brad was supposed to meet John by 2pm; by 1:55 he's still at ha ome trying to get dressed. John calls and Brad says "I'm in a cab, almost at the venue of the meeting". Since when is a house movable? A sales representative approaches you and says "please sir, can I have one minute of your time". You generously give a listening ear and ten minutes later the guy is still talking. Most of these lies are a few of the many we tell everyday. Some of these lies are told inadvertently because it has become a habit. Some even call it a necessity. Since when is a lie necessity? On no account should you twist the truth.

"You shall not steal, neither deal falsely, neither lie one to another." Make up your mind today to stop dealing falsely or lying to one another. P

ractice 21 days of telling the truth and nothing but the truth and you'll see it becoming a part of you.

Kindly comment on your experiences with practising 21 days of strictly telling the truth. What have you learned from it? Do you feel constrained or liberated?

Photo credit: The 8 Rule of Truth Bullies. By Kid Mercury

Cultivating Friendships

Wisdom Nugget: "Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?"

Friendship

Friendship is a powerful aspect of the human existence.  No man is poor who has friends, and no man is rich who does not have friends.  But, of course the meaning of friendship may differ from person to person and culture to culture.  In recent times, people are moving towards social isolation. People now work from their homes; most people shop online; others have their goods delivered at their doors. We now bank online and get enough entertainment on cable. We no longer create opportunities to cultivate social skills; people now live in loneliness and emptiness. But the truth is we are created for friendships. As the popular sage goes, "No man is an island".

A man came home to find his house in disarray, he proceeded to the bedroom to find his wife frantically pulling drawers and throwing things all over the room. "What's going on honey?" he asked "I can't find it," she replied. "Can't find what?" the confused husband asked but the woman didn't reply. She kept on throwing things around. The man walked over to her and gripped her shoulders. "Look at me. Look at me." The woman burst into tears. "Calm down. Take a deep breath, breathe". The woman stopped sobbing and looked into her husband's eyes. "What are you looking for?" he asks calmly. "I can't send holiday greetings to our friends," she said amidst sobs. "Why not? Don't you do that every year?" the husband asked. "No, not that," the wife said in frustration. "I can't find the card list" "the card list?" the still confused husband asks "I don't know who our friends are without it. Do you?" The man looked away thoughtfully and took a beep breath, "well then, send to only our parents, at least we remember who they are."

This might seem funny, but this is what friendship has been reduced to for most people: a name on a list that gets contacted out of tradition once a year.

The sad part is that the people who manage to make friendships are superficial and shallow. We have become too busy to keep true friendships.

 Jeremy Taylor once said, "by friendship you mean the greatest love, the greatest usefulness, the most open communication, the noblest sufferings, the severest truth, the heartiest counsel, and the greatest union of minds of which brave men and women are capable." There's something very powerful about friendships; they not to be taken lightly.

The quoted writer considers those things in life  lasting value, and those things that are passing, empty, or vain.  He makes a list of vain things.  He lists pleasures, money, fame, and many other things, which in the end, are empty and void of lasting value and meaning.  In the end, he lists very few things that are not vain. These are very few things, which have lasting value and benefit.  But one of those things which he sees as having lasting value is friendship. Someone once said that, "the fabric of friendship never gets worn out."

The value of true friendship is everlasting. It's not just calling on them only when in need but also being there for them when they need you. It's not just staying when others stay, but also staying when others leave. It's not just saying what they want to hear but also saying what they don't want to hear.

Keep friends and be loyal to them. Don't die in isolation. We all need friends!

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Why You Must Forgive Yourself

Wisdom Nuggets: "We achieve inner health only through forgiveness - the forgiveness not only of others but also of ourselves." - Joshua Loth Liebman

Don't hide from your feelings

It's important to deal with this issue of unwarranted sense of guilt, which  many people struggle with. This is not talking about guilt which occurs as a result of un-confessed wrongs; but the feeling of guilt which continues to trouble us even after all has been forgiven and forgotten.

Feelings of guilt experienced as a result of un-confessed sin in our lives is a proper response. This guilt may, sometimes, linger for a while as a consequence of a grieving conscience, and that is a proper guilt. To ignore this kind of guilt is as dangerous as harbouring unforgiveness against yourself.
Guilt is a form of guard (or guage) for the conscience. But we must assume that we should be deprived of the freedom of forgiveness. Holding unto feeling of bitterness (and unforgiveness) can deprive us of peace of mind.

A woman told a story about her inability to forgive herself, when she fell ill. Her story begins thus: "When I was growing up with type I diabetes, I felt a sense of guilt as if somehow it was my fault. I reflected back on everything in my life that I had done wrong and immediately saw them as the reasons for my ill-health ...I'd also made some choices in life which proved to be wrong. Again, I laid carried the pain of guilt around. In times as this we tend to hold ourselves to harsher judgment than we do others. Suddenly those little things we did, which seemed so small, would  gloom and brighten the blemishes on our lives, so tha we see them as unforgivable. These emotions can quickly snowball into a mess of trouble as they did for me. Suddenly I viewed everything and everyone I touched as if they were my victims. I reached a point where I had little joy left deep inside of myself because all I could understand through the fog was that I was ruining all the hopes and dreams of those I loved, even though that was not true. I felt as if I had single-handedly ruined the lives of my siblings, husband and children solely because I was ill or because of the wrong choices I had made in my life.

Similar feelings of guilt can be experienced by someone who loses a family member to death. All they can think of is "What if I had done...?", "If only I had been there..." or "I wish I had told them...." With time i came to understand that i wasn't being fair to myself and that i needed to forget about the past, so i worked harder towards forgiving myself. Blaming yourself after an event must have occurred (and after you've obtained forgiveness)  is very wrong. You shouldn't. In as much as you have forgiven those who've wronged you, you must also forgive yourself. Don't blame yourself; and quit taking those guilt-trips down memory lane. What's to be gained from blaming ourselves for things we had no control over? The most compassionate thing you can do for yourself and others is to forgive yourself.

An unknown sage once said: "You can't undo anything you've already done, but you can face it. You can tell the truth. You can seek forgiveness. And let God do the rest."

According to Jane Fonda, "The people who did you wrong or who didn't quite know how to show up, you forgive them. And forgiving them allows you to forgive yourself too"

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Dealing With Guilt And Forgiving Yourself

Wisdom Nuggets: “I have learned, that the person I have to ask for forgiveness from the most is: myself. You must love yourself. You have to forgive yourself, everyday, whenever you remember a shortcoming, a flaw, you have to tell yourself "That's just fine". You have to forgive yourself so much, until you don't even see those things anymore. Because that's what love is like.”

                                                                                                              -C. JoyBell C

Forgiving Yourself

Larry Sorensen lives in Lake Wobegon. He'd been saved a dozen times at the altar of a Lutheran church that never gave altar calls. He would come to the altar time after time and weep buckets and buckets of tears and come back the next Sunday and do the very same thing. Larry Sorensen kept repenting and repenting; but somehow, he couldn’t get beyond the repenting stage. Pretty soon even the “fundamentalists got tired of him.” Larry couldn’t believe that he could totally be forgive him. The guilt of all he had done eroded his will to forgive himself. Instead of being free to move on, he came to church week after week constantly feeling guilty and trying to get back on track over and over again.

Have you ever heard this quote: “You cannot give what you do not have”?

It is worthy of note that people cannot give something they do not have. Someone once said, “forgiveness is something you do, not for the other person, but for yourself”. How can you forgive others when you cannot forgive yourself?

We might have gotten involved in some shameful (or dreadful things) in the past. There are things that we are unable to forgive ourselves for, so that we cannot even expect to receive forgiveness from people we've offended. We harbour feelings of guilt for mistakes made in our past and we allow them taunt us, even after we have prayed. We must  stop crucifying ourselves for nothing. Truly, it is useless to worry about past deeds because they cannot be undone. All we can do is ask for forgiveness (make restitutions were needed), forgive on our parts and let things go.

Bill Cosby said “People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.” 

 The ball is in your court. Forgive yourself.

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What Unforgiveness Does

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Wisdom Nugget : "...if you forgive others for the wrongs they do to you, then you...will also (be) forgiven your wrongs. But if you don’t forgive others, you will not (be) forgiven the wrongs you do.

One very interesting fact of life is this: no matter your status, you will be liable to hurt (pain). I used to think as a child that when I grew up and became really big, no one would have the guts to hurt me
Later, I came to realize that the most attacked and criticized people in the world were very influential folks such as presidents, political leaders etc.

So let's begin with the sayings "You can't escape being hurt by people"; and "the higher you go, the hotter it becomes." If any President decides to take personal the number of critics that attack them all across the media on a daily basis, they would go paranoid, loose their minds and abandon the business of government. To concentrate on your opposition is to loose your position. So get ready as the tree, if you don't want people to throw stones at you, then don't bear fruits. And if you don't want to get hurt, be a nobody. But even then, someone is going to ask you soon, "how come you are a nobody when all your mates are somebody?"

If great leaders often get criticized, you will. So for your own physical, emotional and spiritual well-being learn the art of forgiveness and live your life to the full (but be purposeful and fulfilled).
Forgiveness: what does it mean?

Forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might leave an indelible scar that'll last the rest of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive sides of life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.
Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act.

Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.

What are the benefits of forgiving someone?

According to Mayo Clinic, letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for compassion, kindness and peace. Forgiveness can lead to: healthier relationships, greater spiritual and psychological well-being, less anxiety, stress and hostility. It also helps to lower blood pressure and to reduce symptoms of depression and to lower risks of alcohol and substance abuse.

What are the effects of holding a grudge?

If you're unforgiving, you might pay the price repeatedly by dragging anger and bitterness on your life's journey including new relationships. Your life might become so wrapped up in past injustices that you rob yourself of current pleasures.

You might become depressed or anxious. You might feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you're at odds with your conscience. You might lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others. Finally, you expose yourself to illnesses as cancer, tumors, stroke and other deadly (mostly heart-related) diseases.

There was a garden party for the women’s auxiliary, under an old oak, in a church lawn. Shortly before the party began, Mrs. Preacher discovered she'd left Sister Hissyfit off the invitation list.
The parson called the dear sister and begged forgiveness. "I’m so sorry we didn’t catch this sooner, Mrs. Hissyfit, won’t you please come to the garden party?" pled the pastor.
"Beggin’ won’t help now, Preacher," said the offended Mrs. H., I’ve already prayed for rain

Love Doesn't Remember Transgressions Done Against It

Wisdom Nugget : "...if you forgive others for the wrongs they do to you, then you...will also (be) forgiven your wrongs. But if you don’t forgive others, you will not (be) forgiven the wrongs you do.

Picture Credit: psychologytoday.com

Thomas Fuller said "He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven."

As difficult as forgiveness might seem, it is for your own benefit, I have discovered that forgiveness is easier when i focus on "my own need for forgiveness", on a daily basis. Now, by human standards, I consider myself as decent and civil, but if as good as I am, I still need this amount of forgiveness daily, then I submit that any relationship, family, organization or community that does not make provision for plenty of forgiveness is brutish, barbaric and cruel.

 In "The Christian Leader," Don Ratzlaff retells a story. Vernon Grounds came across in Ernest Gordon's Miracle on the River Kwai. The Scottish soldiers, forced by their Japanese captors to labor on a jungle railroad, had degenerated into barbarous behavior, but one afternoon something happened. A shovel was missing. The officer in charge became enraged. He demanded that the missing shovel be produced, or else... When nobody in the squadron budged, the officer got his gun and threatened to kill them all on the spot . . . It was obvious the officer meant what he had said. Finally, one man stepped forward. The officer put away his gun, picked up a shovel, and beat the man to death. When it was over, the survivors picked up the bloody corpse and carried it with them to the second tool check. This time, no shovel was missing. Indeed, there had been a miscount at the first check point. The word spread like wildfire through the whole camp. An innocent man had been willing to die to save the others! . . . The incident had a profound effect. . . The men began to treat each other like brothers. When the victorious Allies swept in, the survivors, human skeletons, lined up in front of their captors (and instead of attacking their captors) insisted: "No more hatred. No more killing. Now what we need is forgiveness." Sacrificial love has transforming power.

If our marriages will work, if our houses will be homes, if our streets will be safer, if our communities will be inhabitable again, then we must both embrace and dispense forgiveness. Remember, "if you don’t forgive others, then you will not be forgiven the wrongs that you do."

Love Keeps No Score Of Wrongs

Wisdom Nugget :"...Love does not remember wrongs done against it."



Picture Credit: healthyforgiving.com

The word "offense" was coined from the Greek word "skandalizein", and the Latin word "scandalum" from where the word "Scandal" originated.
The word was used to describe  "a mouse  trap with a springing device" especially the part with the spring that usually traps the mouse once it goes off. It was usually said to have "OFF" "ENDED" (i.e. severed the head of the mouse from the body) . In the New Testament, it was used metaphorically as "a stumbling block, offense or snare laid for an enemy." Nothing could be farther from the truth. An offense or a grudge is a spiritually scandalous thing. It spreads negative information (scandal )about you in the enemy's camp and alerts them that you are GUILTY, and consequently, you are vulnerable and defenseless, and if you still do not forgive, it OFF - ENDS your destiny.

Hannah More once wrote : "Forgiveness is the economy of the heart... forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits".

Ron Rose was preparing for a sermon in his office when a woman walked in to complain abouthow  Ron's sermons were always about forgiveness and grace. She said he needed to come down harder on the sinners, and in her words, "nail them."
After her rant, Ron asked, "So, you’ve got forgiveness and grace all worked out in your own life?"
"Well, Ron" she replied, "there are some things you can’t turn loose of, things that don’t deserve grace, or forgiveness. That’s just the way it is. I know it’s that way in my family."
She leaned over his desk and revealed a heart hardened by resentment and bitterness, "No, forgiveness is not an option. I’ve been hurt too much."
The grudge was too embedded. And she was powerless and trapped in the wilderness. Lack of forgiveness had turned her into a critical, judgmental woman.

Ron went on to say "She wanted me to make everyone else as miserable as she was."

A teacher once told each of her students to bring a clear plastic bag and a sack of potatoes to school. They were instructed to call to mind every person they had a grudge against. For every person they refused to forgive, they chose a potato, wrote on it the name and date, and put it in the plastic bag. They were told to carry this bag with them everywhere, putting it beside their bed at night, on the car seat when driving, on their lap when riding, next to their desk during classes. Some bags became quite heavy. Lugging this around, paying attention to it all the time, and remembering not to leave it in embarrassing places was a hassle. Over time the potatoes became moldy, smelly, and began to sprout "eyes." To bear grudges is to stink.

Often we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other person, but it clearly is a gift to ourselves.
To forgive is to set a prisoner free only to discover that that prisoner was you.

LOVE KEEPS NO SCORE OF THE SINS OF OTHERS

LOVE KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS DONE

Picture credit: alldatmatas.blogspot.com

Wisdom Nugget :"...Love keeps no record of being wronged."

 Love doesn't keep score of the wrongs of others. Love thinks no evil and it takes no account of the evil done to it; it pays no attention to a suffered wrong.

As long as you are in love or in any relationship which requires you to show some measure of love (and/or respect) to another person, you will be wronged; there will be unpleasant experiences in your dealings with the other party. Whether or not these wrongs are done intentionally or unintentionally, do not keep records. As you forgive, delete and format from the system so that the information cannot be retrieved (when badly needed for evidence) . Do not remember the wrongs done against you by your partner. This is not just an opinion; it is a law of nature. Something in the filing cabinet of the human spirit rejects files containing toxic materials such as offenses and wrongs done, and anytime you forcefully store those files they start manifest themselves in the physical through such  medical abnormalities as cancerous growths. Arguably, this is one of  the reasons why this generation has an astronomical increase in cases of cancer even in young adults.

It was H. Jackson Brown, Jr. who said "Never forget the three powerful resources you always have available to you: love, prayer, and forgiveness." Forgiving and forgetting are imperative to your well-being.

Writing a treatise on forgiveness,  Henry Ward Beecher said "I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note - torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one."
There was a widow who had “Rest In Peace” put on her husband’s tombstone.
When she found out that he left her out of his will, she had added, “TILL I COME.”
If truth be told, forgiveness is not easy. Mahatma Gandhi said "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

At a convention with their wives, two businessmen who had been roommates in college crossed paths. They sat in the lobby all night talking. They knew they would be in trouble with their wives. The next day, they happened to see each other.
"What did your wife think?"
"I walked in the door and my wife got historical."
"Don’t you mean hysterical?"
"No, historical. She told me everything I ever did wrong."

TRUE LOVE KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS DONE AGAINST IT !

EFFECTS OF ANGER (2)

Picture Credit: Marriageinspiration.com

Wisdom Nugget :"And as soon as he came near the camp and saw the calf and the dancing, Moses' anger burned hot, and he threw the tablets out of his hands and broke them at the foot of the mountain."

We have earlier said that Anger is one word short of Danger; and one of the Dangers of uncontrolled anger is the words we speak in the heat of provocation. Words are spirit, and either life or death. Now spirits either help or they haunt you (depending on whether they are good or bad spirits) and every time we speak we release spirits into people's lives and years after we have spoken, those words are still helping them or haunting them, and some words never go away until the people die. This wise saying spells out the Rule of the game: "...let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.

A furious father in a moment of rage and anger called Jude, his four-year-old son, a goat because the boy had misbehaved. This name-calling continued several times, for about six months. Then, one morning a visitor knocked on their door and was welcomed by the young Jude. “Hello my boy, what’s your name?” asked the visitor.
“My name is Goat,” answered Jude.
“No, no, no, your name is not goat,” protested the visitor. Just then Jude’s father came into the living room.
“Daddy I told just told Uncle that my name is Goat but he wouldn’t believe me,” Jude told his father with a glee.
“Shut up! How can you say that your name is goat?” queried his father.
“But father isn’t that the name you've always called me in this house?” Jude replied…

Today, ask yourself, as a friend, a teacher, a parent, a colleague, an elder brother or a spouse,how have your angry words affected people? Do your words haunt them like "Dracula", or are they motivational like "Yes you can"?

Donald Trump once told the very touching story of a young boy he met on a Prison visit who said to him "I am what my father always said I would be. Every time my father was angry with me he always said " John you will end up in prison, and today I have." And feeling very sorry for him Donald Trump said to the boy, "Interestingly, I too am what my father always used to say I would become. My father always used to say to me "Son you will be a millionaire" and today I am."
Getting angry can sometimes be like leaping into a wonderfully responsive sports car, gunning the motor, taking off at high speed and then discovering the brakes are out of order.

You may feel very much justified in your outbursts of anger, but be careful what you break (say). While you may obtain forgiveness, a person's life may never be the same again.

EFFECTS OF ANGER

Picture Credit: Godwordsecret.com

Wisdom Nuggets: "Do not be quick in spirit to be angry or vexed, for anger and vexation lodge in the bosom of fools."

Everyone gets angry. But according to Dr. Don Colbert, M.D., author of Deadly Emotions, anger can profoundly damages your health. “Depression, anger, guilt, condemnation, low self-esteem…these are only a few of the lethal toxins…,” Dr. Colbert warns. He supports these claims with scientific evidence about the effects of anger on the physiological aspect.
Simply put, the aftereffects of anger triggers a biologically-embedded “fight-or-flight” response. In ancient times, when human beings faced physical threats like animal predators, the fight-or-flight response saved our lives by pumping our bodies with hormones and chemicals necessary to fuel intense physical action. However, in modern life, that response is unnecessary 99% of the time.

Worse yet, the fight-or-flight response is actually killing us, according to Peter McWilliams, author of You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought: A Book for People with Any Life-Threatening Illness—Including Life.
When anger kicks in, your body readies itself to respond to a perceived threat. Your muscles tense…your digestive processes stop…and certain brain centers start firing in ways that alter your brain chemistry.These functions reflect our genetically-coded response to danger. Unfortunately, nowadays, these strong chemical reactions are inappropriately triggered by minor annoyances—like getting cut off in traffic or being spoken to unkindly. For modern humans, even thinking about a stressful situation can spark a full-blown “fight-or-flight” response. In fight-or-flight, your body’s resources mobilize for immediate physical action. Any bodily function not directly related to fighting or fleeing is put on hold, including:Digestion, Assimilation, Cell production, Body maintenance, Circulation (except to the skeletal muscles involved in the fight-or-flight process), Healing, Immunological defenses.
The health consequences of continual fight-or-flight response can be severe. According to Dr. Mercola (a highly regarded and widely published natural health practitioner) our automatic anger response leads to health problems like:
Headaches, Digestive imbalances, Insomnia, Anxiety, Depression, High blood pressure, Skin problems, including eczema, Heart attack, and even Stroke.

Is Your Anger Putting You At Risk for Heart Problems?
Unresolved anger is bad for your health:  Angry cynical people die young. Research shows that men who score high for hostility on standard tests are four times more likely to die prematurely than men whose scores are low.
Late one summer evening in Broken Bow, Nebraska, a weary truck driver pulled his rig into an all-night truck stop. The waitress had just served him when three tough-looking, leather-jacketed motorcyclists - of the Hell’s Angels type - decided to give him a hard time. Not only did they verbally abuse him, one grabbed the hamburger off his plate, another took a handful of his french fries, and the third picked up his coffee and began to drink it. How would you respond? Well, this trucker did not respond as one might expect. Instead, he calmly rose, picked up his check, walked to the front of the room, put the check and his money on the cash register, and went out the door. The waitress followed him to put the money in the till and stood watching out the door as the big truck drove away into the night. When she returned, one of the bikers said to her, "Well, he’s not much of a man, is he?" She replied, "I don’t know about that, but he sure ain’t much of a truck driver. He just ran over three motorcycles on his way out of the parking lot."

Our Wisdom Nugget says "for anger and vexation lodge in the bosom of fools." Remember we have said before you have a right to be angry, but to allow anger to "lodge" or "rest" in your heart is foolish. Remember the old chinese proverb : "You cannot stop a bird from flying over your head but you must stop it from nesting on your head".

That is why Mark Twain said: "Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured."