REMARKABLE, OR WASTED?

"The love of family and the admiration of friends is much more important than wealth and privilege." - Charles Kuralt

Family

Barbara Bush says, "I think togetherness is a very important ingredient to family life." If you ask me, I'll say 'togetherness' is the only ingredient. Do we really understand that, "Family is not an important thing. It's everything," according to Michael J. Fox? Read the story below.

Charles Francis Adams, 19th century political figure and diplomat, kept a diary. One day he entered: "Went fishing with my son today--a day wasted." His son, Brook Adams, also kept a diary, which is still in existence. On that same day, Brook Adams made this entry: "Went fishing with my father--the most wonderful day of my life!" The father thought he was wasting his time while fishing with his son, but his son saw it as an investment of time. The only way to tell the difference between wasting and investing is to

THE GIFT OF FAMILY (13); RAISING MORAL CHILDREN

A group of six-year-olds are playing and one of the children falls, scrapes her knee and starts crying. One child offers a reassuring “I’m sorry you’re hurt” and shows a desire to comfort. On the other hand another child laughs and calls, the child “cry baby.”

The little illustration above is a common experience among children. It happens every time; most times we just laugh over such experiences and forget it afterwards. Truth be told, such reactions and responses tell a great deal about the kind of family (home) each child is coming from - whether it's a caring one or an uncaring one. Your children will only develop into caring adults or individuals if they have experienced same growing up.
Bringing up moral children is a way of saying, teach your children to live by the rules. If you want your children to go about treating others like you want others to treat them, then you have to teach them how to be able to think through an action before doing it and to judge how the consequences of that action will affect themselves and others; in this lies the basis of a moral person.

It’s in the family caring children are raised; parents are the child’s first morality teachers. Observations as well as countless studies show that infants are more likely to become moral children and adults if they experienced their parents doing same. The one quality that distinguishes these children from kids raised in a detached parenting style is sensitivity. Plant it in your children good morals and watch it sprout. Other virtues, such as self-control, compassion, and honesty and so on are by products. Here’s how to raise morally upright children.

THE GIFT OF FAMILY (10); FAMILY, GOD'S GREAT GIFT

"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them." - Desmond Tutu

One of the only thing we unconsciously disregard, or hardly have respect for is Family. We put everything or everyone else above them.

There was a huge tree. A little boy loved to play around it everyday. He'd climb to the top, ate the apples, take a nap under the shade. He loved the tree and the tree loved to play with him. Time went by the little boy had grown and he no longer played frequently around the tree. One day, the boy came back to the tree looking sad. ‘Come and play with me’ the tree asked the boy. ‘I am no longer a kid, I do not play around trees any more’ the boy replied. ‘I want toys. I need money to buy them.’ ‘Sorry, but I do not have money but you can pick all my apples and sell them. So, you'll have money.’ The boy was so excited. He grabbed all the apples on the tree and left happily and never came back after he picked the apples. The tree was sad. One day, he returned (after he'd become a man) and the tree was excited ‘Come play with me’ the tree said. ‘I do not have time to play. I have to work for my family. We need a house for shelter. Can you help me?” Sorry, but I do not have any house. But you can chop off my branches to build your house.’ So the man cut all the branches of the tree and left happily. The tree was glad to see him happy but the man never came back. Again he was lonely and sad. One hot summer day, the man returned and the tree was delighted. ‘Come and pay with me!’ the tree said. ‘I am getting old. I want to go sailing to relax myself.

THE GIFT OF FAMILY (9); FAMILY, A CHILD'S BEST SCHOOL

"If a country is to be corruption free and become a nation of beautiful minds, I strongly feel there are three key societal members who can make a difference. They are the father, the mother and the teacher." - Anonymous

The family (home), is the most important place from which a child learns majority of the lessons he needs to face the outside world. Whether they are taught rightly or not it'll reflect in their behaviour when they get out, and this forms a foundation for their views and response to life.

A frail old man went to live with his son, and daughter-in-law, who had a 4 year old grandson. The old man’s hands trembled, his vision was blurry, and his steps uncoordinated. The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather’s shaky hands and poor vision made eating difficult. Grains of food rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he took the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. “We must do something about father,” said the son. “ I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.” So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl! When the family glanced in grandfather’s direction, sometimes he had a tears in his eyes as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, “What are you making son?” Just as sweetly, the boy responded, “Oh, I'm making a little bowl for you and mummy to eat your food in when I grow up.” The four-year-old smiled and went back

THE GIFT OF FAMILY (7); FAMILY, A PERFECT IMPERFECTION

"The love of family and the admiration of friends is much more important than wealth and privilege." - Charles Kuralt

According to a wise man, family is everything. And its very fundamental that a child grows up in an atmosphere where he can really feel; not only the physical presence of his parents but the love between them. This unconsciously makes the child aware of how things are supposed to be done, and when he grows old, he'll have pattern, a prototype to work by.

Here's a story. When I was a kid, my Mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made dinner after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my Mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all dad did was reached for his biscuit, smile at my Mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that biscuit and eat every bite!
When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I’ll never forget what he said: “Honey, I love burned biscuits.” Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, “Your mommy put in a hard day at work today and she’s real tired. And besides – a little burned biscuit never hurt anyone!”

A family is full of imperfect people; we all aren't perfect yet. We're not the best at hardly anything individually just like everyone else, but together we make a perfect blend. Over the years you'll realize that learning to accept each others faults – and choosing to overlook them sometimes  – is one important way to creating a healthy, viable and lasting family relationships. This is the kind of environment a child should grow.

THE GIFT OF FAMILY (6); 7 CHARACTERISTICS OF A FAMILY

“I'll never stop dreaming that one day we can be a real family, together, all of us laughing and talking, loving and understanding, not looking at the past but only to the future.” - LaToya Jackson

Families are who you love. Families are the foundation of society. It's where we come into the world, nurtured and given the tools to go out into the world, capable and healthy. When families break down and fail to provide the healthy nurturing we need, the effects impact not only our own lives, but also our communities. In human context, a family is a group of people affiliated by consanguinity, affinity, or co-residence. In most societies it is the principal institution for the socialization of children. Parents and children make up a family; children are considered the blessing/the gift God give to every family and it is through reproduction that a whole society is made.

It was Martin Travin that described his family, "The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another’s desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together, only a bond of Love could have withstood all this."

Characteristics of a family

Appreciation:

Family members give one another compliments and sincere demonstrations of approval. They try to make the others feel appreciated and good about themselves.

Ability to Deal with Crises in a Positive Manner:

They're willing to take a bad situation, see something positive in it and focus on that together.

Time Together:

In all areas of their lives--meals, work, and recreation, they structure their schedules to spend time together.

THE GIFT OF FAMILY (5); HOME INFLUENCE II

"If a country is to be corruption free and become a nation of beautiful minds, I strongly feel there are three key societal members who can make a difference. They are the father, the mother and the teacher." - Anonymous

As we continue our series on the gift of Family, the importance of a family or a home, not a house like we already know; cannot be overemphasized. That's why Michael J. Fox, a wise man said "Family is not an important thing. It's everything." Have you ever wondered why when you left home the first time you did, you found every other pattern of behaviour outside what you were used to in your family strange and odd, this is simply because the family is the first frontier of moulding perception, character and values.

One of my team members shared an interesting story of how he was raised and I would like to share his experience with you, he said:

"I grew up with my mother and everything I knew about the church and God, she taught me. It was difficult growing up with no father figure around but I'm sure even without a father; with my mum we had a home. I remembered how she used to wake us in the mornings for family devotion; with the sound of her tambourine and her singing and boy; were those times very uncomfortable. Especially on cold mornings when sleeping seemed the only logically reasonable thing to do. I was young and riotous but, my mother a strong and assertive woman who wouldn't take any nonsense from me or any of my other siblings made sure we prayed when we were supposed to. We went to church as supposed. While she did all these, my young mind couldn't comprehend and I used to envy my friends whom I knew didn't have to wake up as early as we did for devotions...but years later, I can look back now and say, "Thank God, for the way I was raised". While in the university, I didn't smoke, party, or get involved with any of the many vices that young people are given to, not because my mum was there to whip my behind, but because there was an internal training working in me. And sometimes my classmates mockingly called me "Pastor", when in actual fact; I wasn't born again at all. I was just living life the way I'd been trained to. But for the upbringing at home I'd have ended up like just about any other child.

Therefore, it is indeed almost a certainty that a child who didn't experience the beauty of a family relationship or one who wasn't trained properly would derail almost too quickly at the slightly pressure or opportunity to do so.

THE GIFT OF FAMILY 1; A HOUSE ISN’T A HOME

“The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home.” - Confucius

Every house, relationship, organization or nation is as strong as its foundation. Hence the scripture asks "If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do? (Psalm 11:3). The Foundation of any strong nation or organization Is the Home or Family.

According to Wesley L. Gustafson, "The Christian home is the most important institution in the world. That does not minimize the position of the church and state; they also have been ordained of God. But He places the home first—in time as well as in importance. It is the foundation upon which all other institutions are built; upon it the church and state will either stand or fall. What the homes are, the churches and schools are - and the government will be. Every place where there has been a neglect of home or family responsibility, there eventually has been a crumbling of the nation. This accounts for why the family is under very heavy attack in the 21st century."

As we commence this series on The Gift of Family, please help me share with all your family as I see a turnaround coming. Remember, you can have a home without a house but you can't afford to have a house without a home.

A cute little girl was sitting on top of a pile of luggage in a hotel lobby. Her parents were at the desk registering for their room. A sympathetic lady asked the little girl if they were visiting relatives in the city. "Oh, no," the girl replied. "We're going to live at this hotel until we find a house. My Daddy has a new job and we had to sell our house and move." The lady said, "Oh, it's too bad you don't have a home." To which the girl replied, "Oh we 

have a home—it's just that we don't have a house to put it in." And remember always this bombshell from Ogden Stiers; he said “Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.”

Just An Hour

Wisdom Nugget: "Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you."

                                                                                    - H. Jackson Brown Jnr.

Photo credit: photopin

Isn't it funny how that with the advancement in technology and deep into the heart of the 21st century craze, many hitherto important or rather very important things have been pushed so far down the "priorities" list that either they are no longer relevant or altogether not important. It's funny how that now it has become the norm for parents to delegate their parental responsibilities to nannies, barely having time for their children anymore. Children are the leaders of tomorrow. But how can that be if the right moral values are not inculcated in them by those who are supposed to do so?

 "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" The level of decay and moral decadence in our society today cannot be over emphasized due to parents' absence from the day-to-day running of their children's lives all in the name of "providing for the family". Attempting to replace quality time and availability with "presents" instead of their "presence". If a survey were carried out with children I bet you it'll be amazing to discover how many children would chose hanging out with their parents over receiving presents from them.

Late one night, father was trying to finish some leftover work from the office. His son came and asked, "Daddy, may I ask you a something?" Father said, "Yeah sure, what's it son?" "Dad, how much do you make an hour?" Father very surprised and stunned, said to his son, "why do you ask such a thing?" "I just want to know, please tell me," pleaded the son. "Ok, I make $500 per hour". "Oh, ok. Dad, may I please borrow $200?" Slightly irritated by his sons' distraction, he replied, "If the reason you asked about my pay is so that you can ask for some toy, then march back to bed. I work hard every day so that you can get all the toys you'll ever need. You don't have to borrow from me to buy any toys" The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. "What kind of toy would that be" the father thought. "Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $200 because he doesn't ask for money very often!" The man went to the door of little boy's room and opened it. "Are you asleep, son?" He asked. "No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy. Sitting on his sons' bed, he said "here's the $200 you asked for". The little boy sat straight up, smiling "oh thank you daddy!" he smiled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled some crippled up notes. Seeing that the boy already had money, he became puzzled. The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at his father, with innocence in his eyes and that yearning for a fatherly presence in his daily life. Handing over the money, he said, "Daddy I have $500 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you".

Parents train up your children in the way they should go, so that when they are old they will not turn from it" we need to learn to make "being there" for our children a top priority, as that's one of our major assignments as parents. Life is all about making priorities, and family is one and only priority on top of all others, so spend all the time you can with your children.

Family Matters: Five More Minutes

Wisdom Nuggets: "All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any"

"Children are a gift from the Lord, a reward from a mother's womb.4 A young man's son are like the arrows in a soldier's hand"

There was a time, and maybe still is, when you might hear a parent say something about wanting to provide a "better life" for their children. A better life than what they (the parent) had growing up. And by better life, they mean - a bigger house, more and nicer cars, and more stuff. And I'm wondering is the next generation going to try to build a better life for their children - and by better life would they mean - maybe a smaller house or apartment, fewer and not so nice cars, less stuff - but more time together as a family because they will work fewer jobs, or a jobs that pay less but allow them work less and be home more? It's not so difficult to realize that life is all about making priorities, and family is the one and only priority on top of all other, so spend all the time you can with your children, while you still have the chance because they crave it- like I did while growing up.

While at the park one day, a woman sat down next to a man on a bench near a playground. "That's my boy over there," she said smiling, pointing to a little boy in a red sweater who was gliding down the slide.  "He's a fine looking boy" the man said. "That's my daughter on the bike in the white dress" Then, looking at his watch, he called to his daughter. "What do you say we go, Melissa?", "Just five more minutes, Dad, please? Just five more minutes" The man nodded and Melissa continued to ride her bike to her heart's content. Minutes passed and the father stood and called again to his daughter. "Time to go now" Again Melissa pleaded, "Five more minutes, Dad, just five more minutes"  The man smiled and said, "Ok"  "My, you certainly are a patient father," the woman responded. The man smiled and then said, "Her older brother Tommy was killed by a drunk driver last year while he was riding his bike near here. I never spent much time with Tommy and now I'd give anything for just five more minutes with him. I've vowed not to make the same mistake with Melissa.  She thinks she has five more minutes to ride her bike. The truth is, I get five more minutes to watch her play."

Just a short reminder to everyone working so hard in life that we should not let time slip through our fingers without, having spent quality time with our children, who really matter to us, and those close to our hearts. If we were to die today, the same company will easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. Why pour ourselves more into work than our family?

Beloved, it's sad that we have prioritized spending quality time with our children with presents, fancy cars and all. Yes. Those are good too, but not very important.  "All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient..." some things are more important than others and it's  high time we as parents realized, according to how Jesse Jackson put it when he said, "your children need your presence more than your presents".