DROP THE GLASS

“Some people think it’s holding that makes one strong – sometimes it’s letting go.” - Unknown

 

It's true that you're a slave to whatever you submit to. And because we submit to them, we become cornered, unable to move or break free. We're usually, almost every time the cause of our problems.

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: ”How heavy is this glass of water?” Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz. She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.” She continued, “The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything.”

Laughter Can Help Your Marriage

"Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face". Lets restore the sunshine back to our homes because a good laugh is sunshine in every home" - Victor Hugo

Wisdom Nugget: "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones

 

The writer of the Proverbs has a saying which the Authorized Version translates: "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine." But, if we look in the margin, we find another translation: "A merry heart doeth good to a medicine." Moffatt has it: "A glad heart helps and heals." The A.R.S.V. has it: "A cheerful heart is a good medicine."

A medicine will do far more good to a man with a happy heart than it will do to a gloomy and pessimistic soul. A doctor can hardly write in his prescription "To be taken three times a day with a merry heart," but he certainly would, if he could. It is a medical fact that those who laugh most live longest.

A hearty laugh expands the lungs, and is good for any man. Every time we greet life with a happy human face, we are stretching the span of life for ourselves and giving ourselves the best of medicines. Laughter is one of the greatest mental tonics known to man. It is the second most powerful human emotion we as people can possibly express (the first being love). 
 
Laughter can dispel anxiety; help manage stress, depression, fear and worry. It can stimulate the healing process. Laughter provides strong medical, psychological, social and even spiritual benefits.
Laughter is like internal jogging. It enhances the respiratory system, helps oxygenate the body, relaxes tense muscles, and is an all-around pain killer. It will lower pulse and blood pressure. Laughter can pave the way for a new and exciting outlook on life. It is the universal communicator that can cross all boundaries of race and culture.
 
You can't laugh and be mad; you can't laugh and worry. Stress, worry and laughter are not compatible.
Take a cup of love, two cups of loyalty, three cups of forgiveness, four quarts of faith, and one barrel of laughter.

So if today your marriage has any signs or symptoms of sickness permit me to give you the following prescription: take love and loyalty and mix it thoroughly with faith; blend it with tenderness, kindness, and understanding. Add friendship and hope. Sprinkle abundantly with laughter. Bake it with sunshine. Wrap it regularly with lots of hugs. Serve generous helpings daily, and you've got a marvelous recipe for a happy marriage.

When To End A Friendship

Wisdom Nugget: "Do not be deceived; bad company ruins good morals."

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A "FRIEND" is defined as; one attached to another by esteem; or "one that is not hostile" It can also be defined as "one that promotes."

Hear Albert Schweitzer, "In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit."

From the little definition and quote about who a friend is above we can quickly deduce that "FRIENDSHIP" is supposed to be a venture of profits only...but from our discussions so far on this subject matter we realize that this isn't always the case and as a result we need to know when to call it quits in a relationship, because friendships can become very toxic and detrimental to our overall existence. The story below illustrates this kind of friendship.

"When I first met her, she had just gone through an ugly break up and had moved out of her boyfriend's home and into an apartment of her own. She had a part time job, a twelve-year-old daughter, and was in financial hell.

She couldn't make ends meet and since she was home schooling her child, was unable to work full time. Even though I wasn't exactly rolling in the dough, I always put a little aside to help her out...I handed her a few dollars for gas or food. I would spend countless hours, listening to her problems, her chaos, her drama. I'd give her unsolicited, but good advice just the same. I invited her over for dinners and to lunches. I took her daughter clothes shopping sometimes.

I felt like she was drowning and I was her only lifesaver. I felt like I had to fix her or, at the very least, be a supportive force in her life. I wanted to see her get back on her feet.

During our six year friendship, she bounced from relationship to relationship, some real and some developed and short-lived on the internet. Eventually, she found a complete loser to fall deeply in love with and each time he cheated on or ignored her, I was there to pick up the pieces.
And then she'd go back to him. I somehow felt responsible for her. Like life had dealt her a bad hand and it was my job to shuffle the deck and deal her a better one. It became stressful to spend time with her. It was emotionally draining and I began to dread her phone calls.

My positive energy was being sucked out by her negativity. No matter how hard I tried to help her, she always had excuses and a big cloud of gloom and doom over her head. I started to feel that gloom and doom. It's as though it was contagious. She was a sinking ship and she was literally dragging me down with her.

I knew I had to cut the strings and over time I began to wean her off of me. Less phone calls, less availability, and, as luck would have it, I moved across the state a few months (later), which made it impossible for us to get together and (gradually) I noticed that the less we spoke, the better I felt. Life suddenly looked brighter and I had a new found sense of freedom. I felt the toxins of a poisonous friendship leaving my body.

When it gets to this point in your relationships, the only wise thing to do is back out, while you still have your sanity in place, for we have heard the wise saying: "wisdom is profitable to direct.".

On Handling Toxic Friendships

Wisdom Nugget: "Do not be deceived: bad company ruins good morals."

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Years ago, as a boy and very young, I loved travelling to the village for holidays. Things were so difficult for my mum, she made arrangements for me to go and live with my uncle in the village. This meant that he would be responsible for my welfare and all other attendant expenses associated with my education.

However, a couple of months before I was to finally leave for the village, my mum changed her mind. This was after I just returned from a holiday at the village. Her reasons? I'd been contaminated; my moral character had tremendously declined. She complained that I'd picked up upsetting tendencies from my cousins after my last visit, and she couldn't live with that. This marked the end of all plans to relocate to the village. Sadly, it was a trip I had so looked forward to.
Even though I couldn't see what she saw, I look back years after and feel thankful that I hadn't made that journey! It was a good thing my mum had foreseen how much I could have been changed by this exposure, and nipped it in the bud.

There is a very common saying "show me your friends, and I'll tell you who you are". There is, I've noticed, a list of very few truths of which this statement comes tops. Like my mum noticed that me, my association with my cousins had negatively influenced me.

In life there are certain people whom should never be allowed into your life, because "bad company ruins good morals."
Many people believe and are of the opinion that had Whitney Houston never met Bobby Brown she'd have still been alive today.
Listen to this; Cissy Houston, Whitney's mum, replies in an interview for "Oprah's Next Chapter", which aired recently. In "Remembering Whitney", which was released Tuesday - 2 weeks before the 1st anniversary of Whitney's death - Cissy Houston says she believes Whitney's life may have turned out differently if she'd never met Brown. She went further to say, "I do believe her life would have turned out differently," Cissy Houston continues, "It would have been easier for her to get sober and stay sober. Instead she was with someone who, like her...To me, he never seemed to be a help to her in the way she needed." Cissy Houston blames Brown for the rampant drug use that sent Whitney's career spiralling downward.

Unlike my mum, Cissy Houston couldn't make a decision for Whitney, and this is where we typically find ourselves today, entering relationships that ultimately destroy us.
Hear Senora Roy, "A fake friend can cause much more damage to you than a real enemy."
My advice? Steer clear.

Identifying Toxic Friendships

 Wisdom Nugget: "Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go"
Why? First because they will make your life miserable & secondly because very soon you will start behaving like them because "evil communications corrupt good manners."

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"A friendship is between two peers," says Florence Isaacs, author of Toxic Friends/True Friends. "There has to be balance in a friendship for it to be healthy; not one person whose needs get met and another whose needs are overlooked."

Friendships permeate our lives, having an impact on our careers, marriages, families, children, health, and even our retirement. "Friendships are important everywhere, and they have positive things to contribute to all areas of your life," says Isaacs. "But that means they can also be toxic in any of these areas as well. A toxic friendship is unsupportive, draining, unrewarding, stifling, unsatisfying, and often unequal. "Toxic friends stress you out, use you, are unreliable, are overly demanding, and don't give anything back,"

You cross the line from helping a friend in need to helping a friend who is always needy when that friend is constantly mean and abusive.

Below are some signs to identify a toxic friendship.
(1) They always have to be the facilitator when friends get together/interact as a group. If they find out you and another friend have been talking or hanging out, they get angry.
(2) They have to be the first to know everything - and tell everything. God forbid you should tell another friend something first because she happened to call you first!
(3) They have rules to your friendship. When your friend tells you that if she stops being friends with someone, you can't be friends with them either, there's a problem.
(4) They always want to make sure no one looks like a better friend than them.
(5) They are negative about everything! The can always offer up a "but" or reasons why not. If you run a new idea or good news past them, they rain all over your parade. They are critical of everything: from your personal style to your life decisions.
Everything is a constant game of one-upmanship. A little healthy competition between friends is good but if your friend is constantly bragging or "putting on airs" and has to always beat you or be better than you - even to the point of making things up - they've crossed the line of healthy.
(6) You find yourself always spilling your guts to them but their personal life is "Fort Knox". This is a power play. They have all the dirt on you and you're left vulnerable.
(7) They talk bad about all of your mutual friends behind their backs and tell all of their personal business. More than likely, they're doing the same thing to you.
They manipulate people and situations. They lie, they cheat, and they always try to get over. As you watch them scheme and connive, it doesn't occur to you that you've been on the receiving end of this many times- but trust me, you have.
(8) The communication is one-sided (you always call, email, text) and you only hear from them when they want or need something. They always expect you to consider their feelings and think of them first and foremost but they definitely don't do the same.
(9) They replicate behaviors, attributes or other fragments of other people (introjection*). For example, whenever you tell a friend of yours about a new restaurant or great happy hour you tried, she would tell her other friend that SHE went to the restaurant or happy hour. The friend lived in another state so how would she know? Instead of actually going out and getting her own interesting life, she just replicated yours.
(10) They deny their own attributes, thoughts, and emotions, and then ascribe them to others (projection*). Have you ever heard your friend describe the negative traits of another person and the whole time you're marvelling at the irony because your friend does the very things she's complaining about?

(To be continued)

Good Friendships Are Priceless; More Precious Than Gold

Wisdom Nugget: "A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need."

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A friend is someone you can call when you mess up and trust that they won't judge you but will give their advice. A friend is someone who remembers that you don't like Onions in your salad. A friend is someone who goes to a boring place with you but makes it all fun. A friend is priceless! Friendship is wonderful but I must add - it is not easy. It requires a whole lot of work.  It requires putting someone first sometimes, it's all about inconvenience most times, it's a risky business. But it is definitely worth it!

A friend is not someone you can buy. Anyone who's in your life because of what they gain from you is not a friend but a leech. A friend enjoys with you when there's money and suffers with you when there's no money. Friends are not people we should joke with; in these times that economy is hitting everyone hard, natural disasters lurking everywhere, wars on the verge of breaking, people are really becoming more and more selfish so if you have a friend who still thinks about you and is still there for you then you should count yourself lucky. Don't play with their feelings; you do not know how many people out there who wished they had that friend you have.

Berlin -- Jesse Owens was sure he would win the long jump at the 1936 Olympic games. The previous year (1935) he had jumped 26 feet, 8 1/4 inches - a record that would stand for 25 years. As he walked to the long-jump pit, however, Owens saw a tall, blue eyed, blond German practicing jumps in the 26-foot range. Owens felt nervous. He was aware of the German's desire to prove superiority especially over blacks. The German introduced himself as Luz Long. "You should be able to qualify with your eyes closed!" he said to Owens. For the next few moments; the black and the German chatted. Then Luz Long made a suggestion, he said to Owens "since the qualifying distance is only 23 feet, 5 1/2 inches, why not make a mark several inches before the take-off board and jump from there, just to play it safe?" Owens did as Long suggested and qualified easily. In the finals Owens set an Olympic record and earned the second of four gold medals. The first person to congratulate him was Luz Long in full view of Adolf Hitler. Owens never again saw Long as he was killed in World War II. "You could melt down all the medals and cups I have," Owens later wrote, "and they wouldn't be a platting on the 24-carat friendship I felt for Luz Long."

Can you truly say that about any of your friendships and mean it? Is there any friendship you value more than all your wealth put together? Most people will readily do away with friends in the stead of money. Friendship is priceless you can't buy it. Old Fredrick learnt the hard way. He made no friends through his life, all he was concerned about was building his wealth. Alone on his dying bed, he asked the nurse to contract people to cry at his funeral and the nurse replied "all the tears they shed wouldn't change the fact that you died alone with a nurse who sat by you only out of compulsion." You will not realize how priceless a friend is until you're on your death bed alone like old Fredrick. It was too late for him though but it isn't for you. You can still make friends now. Linda Grayson said "there is nothing better than a friend."

As friends, we're gifts to our friends, given to them for a purpose-to make their lives better. Are you fulfilling that purpose in your relationship with your friends? Will your friends miss your absence: are they feeling your help in times of their needs, or are they grieving  at your presence?

Friendships Require Patience and Perseverance

..."P" is for Patience.
Wisdom Nugget: s iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.

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Friends are not two perfect people coming together but two imperfect people with flaws, dysfunctions, different idiosyncrasies, shortcomings and excesses coming together because they sense they have something in common to fulfil a common destiny.

William Penn puts it succinctly, "A true friend freely, advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably." Albert Schweitzer added "In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit."
Here are two keys to friendship:
First, only two pieces of iron can become friends: one piece of plastic and one piece of iron cannot, Why? Because they cannot feel this magnetic pull towards each other. So before you settle for a friend, ask yourself, can I feel that magnetic pull?

Secondly, Friendship is for sharpening. While it is true that you do not become friends with people for the sole purpose of fixing them, yet we will all attest to the fact that some of the positive changes in our character today was due to the influence of one good friend. They do not come with a hammer and filing machine to say "Boy, I need to sharpen or fix you !". But their love, conduct and lifestyle just begins to sharpen you. Sometimes they may come strong on you because "Open rebuke is better than secret love", but they primarily mould & change you by their love and tact. By the time they are done with you "Every valley would have been filled. Every mountain and hill should be made flat. The crooked roads should be made straight, and the rough ground made smooth." But "sharpening" needs plenty of "Patience" and "Creativity". If you truly care for your friend, you will not be quick to cut them off after you noticed the flaws in them. Rather you feel a sense of duty to help them, realizing that in so many areas, you too need help. Paul puts it aptly when he said, "Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into wrong-doing, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived."
When pointing out a mistake by another person, always consider the person's feelings. Milton Berle was dining with his wife, Ruth, in a Hollywood restaurant.  When a waiter put too much pepper on her salad. Mrs. Berle tasted it and said, "Hmm. Needs more salad."

 If you cut off all the friends God brings your way because they have flaws, just remember to see who is judging. Just as others have been patient with you, you also be patient in sharpening others and you will have the joy of seeing a life changed and discover that it was because of your patience and tact.

When Friendship Becomes An Inconvenience

Wisdom Nugget: "There are "friends" who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother."

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If you have friends, you'd have realized over the years that maintaining some friendships can be inconveniencing. Not for everyone, but for that particular person. Friendship is thinking about somebody else alongside you, sometimes even before yourself. It's all about sacrifice! Going out of your way to put that person's desire into consideration; you'd rather live alone but have to accommodate a stranded friend. When you'd rather spend your time alone but have to visit a friend who's going through stuff. When you'd rather not go on a trip because your friend your friend needs your presence at their party. You don't want to talk on the phone but have to take that call because it's your friend. The "gospel truth" like some would say is that friendship is inconveniencing but it's a pleasant inconvenience - one that gives you a sense of fulfilment afterwards. What is friendship if you are not willing to make sacrifices for others?

Little John was sent to the local store to get some milk for breakfast the one morning. On his way back it started raining "cats and dogs". Because his home was close he decided to make a dash for it, he was almost at his door when from the corner of his eye, he saw a figure; a little boy on the other side of the road. He looked closely and discovered it was his friend Tommy and he was pulling at his leg. He thought of running into his house after all Tommy hadn't seen him but quickly decided against it and ran over to his friend. It turned out that Tommy's feet was stuck in a hole on the side walk. He hadn't seen it because of the flowing water from the downpour. They tugged at his friend's leg until it was freed. Unfortunately, his ankle was sprained and so he had difficulty walking. Little John decided to help him all the way home and Tommy leaned on him. When little john got back home he explained to his mother what had happened. "Why didn't you leave him after you helped him free his leg? He would have hopped all the way home!" John looked at his mother in disbelief "what kind of friend would that make me mum?"

The whole ordeal with Tommy, was it an inconvenience for little Johnny? Yes it was. Did he regret it? Of course not! It was a sacrifice he was willing to make. Even though he was already home, he decided to stay longer in the rain for his friend. If little John had entered his house when he saw his friend, Tommy will never know that Little John had seen him and their "friendship" would have continued as usual. But in truth, would Little John be a good friend? No he wouldn't. Friendship is not just those inconveniences you make for your friends when they're aware they're also those ones you make behind their backs; one they might never learn about. When everyone is against your friend and trash-talking them; do you defend them? Look the other way? Or join in the trashing? When your friend is going through stuff can they count on you to be there for them? When the whole world has gone out can they trust you to come in? please don't be a friend only when it's convenient. Never enter a friendship with the notion that you won't be hurt. because we're all different people with different characters that are bound to clash.

 Hear Bob Nesta Marley, "The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for."

Making friends is really a leap of faith!

The Role Of Integrity In Friendships

Wisdom Nugget: "Walk upright, act right, tell the truth." "Don't hurt your friend, don't blame (backbite) your neighbour; despise the despicable." "Keep your word even when it costs you, make an honest living, Never take a bribe."

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According to Business Dictionary.com "Integrity is Strict adherence to a moral code, reflected in transparent honesty and complete harmony in what one thinks, says, and does."

Two of the greatest killers of friendship are lies and backbiting.

Consider the role of LIES: If you borrow money from a friend and promise to pay back at a given date but for some reasons beyond your control, couldn't pay back, be honest enough to call him up, explain the current situation and renegotiate a future payment date. If you pretend like nothing is at stake (after all, is he not supposed to be your friend, he should understand) and stop picking his calls, that is the beginning of the end of your friendship. If you keep lying about little things, the day he discovers it is the end of your friendship. Remember what Mark Twain said "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."

Now, look critically at the vice called BACKBITING: The foundation for friendship is "Trust". A true friend is someone you can be vulnerable with and not be afraid. Ralph Waldo Emerson said "It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them." If therefore I was stupid before you and you made my stupidity the subject of a gossip and whilst pretending to be with me, you back bite me behind, you are a dangerous fellow, not worthy to be called a friend. Someone said "An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind."

Before speaking of any person or sharing stuff about your friend that is controversial THINK! Ask yourself the following questions:

T - Is it true?
H - Is it helpful?
I - Is it inspiring?
N - Is it necessary?
K - Is it kind?

If what you are about to say does not pass those tests, keep your mouth shut!

Once, four preachers met for a friendly gathering. During the conversation one preacher said, "Our people come to us and pour out their hears, confess certain sins and needs. Let's do the same. Confession is good for the soul." In due time all agreed. One confessed he liked to go to movies and would sneak off when away from his church. The second confessed to liking to smoke cigars and the third one confessed to liking to play cards. When it came to the fourth one, he wouldn't confess. The others pressed him saying, "Come now, we confessed ours. What is your secret or vice?" Finally he answered, "It is gossiping and I can hardly wait to get out of here."

Morris Mandel said, "Gossip is the most deadly microbe. It has neither legs nor wings. It is composed entirely of tales, and most of them have stings."

How Inspiring Are Your Friendships?

Wisdom Nugget: "It's better to have a partner than go it alone. Share the work, share the wealth. And if one falls down, the other helps, But if there's no one to help, tough! Two in a bed warm each other. Alone, you shiver all night. By yourself you're unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst. Can you round up a third? A three-stranded rope isn't easily snapped."

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The dictionary defines INSPIRE as, "to influence, move, or guide" or  "to exert an animating, enlivening, or exalting influence on."

Inspiration is a very vital part of our lives today. If you've lived long enough in life you'd have realized that there are times when you seem not to be certain as to what fork on the road to take; sometimes we feel like just giving up on the journey altogether. It is at points like these that the presence of friends are most needed to influence, or guide us rightly. To enliven or animate our "inanimate-ness" as it were, for our life's steam seem to go out here. Arnold H. Glasow said, "A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down."

John Newton is best-known as the author of the famous hymn, "Amazing Grace," his life teemed with spiritual fruit. A new biography on his life by Jonathan Aitken gives us a peek into the legacy of the man who said, "I am a great sinner, but Christ is a great Savior." Newton was an author, preacher, and hymn-writer, perhaps his most profound legacy is the fruit of his friendships. Newton was friend to William Cowper. Cowper suffered throughout his life from a terrible depression. But the window of his most productive years opened when he met with Newton. During this time he produced works like, "There is a Fountain Filled with Blood." One biographer noted, "Cowper, throughout [his] life, lacked personal initiative." The encouragement from Newton, however, was enough to spur Cowper to produce some 60 hymns. And when Cowper later sunk into such a depression that he nearly took his own life, it was his friendship with Newton that stopped him. Newton also played a vital role as friend and mentor in the life of William Wilberforce who led the charge to abolish the british slave trade and ultimately slavery itself in England. When Wilberforce came to faith, he turned to Newton for advice. It was Newton who encouraged him not to abandon politics but to use his political skills for good. Newton who encouraged him to take up the cause of abolishing the slave-trade, and it was Newton who encouraged him to persevere when he considered giving up the fight in 1796. Well into his later years, Newton continued to bear fruit in his friendships. He helped bring a young writer by the name of Hannah More to faith. She went on to start the modern Sunday School movement. And he met for breakfast frequently with a young man by the name of William Carey, who would become a missionary to India and a pioneer for the modern mission's movement. Newton would not have considered himself a great saint, but a great sinner used by God. His life reminds us all of the profound impact that deep spiritual friendships can have. And it encourages us. Hear Albert Schweitzer, "In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit."

We must live our lives such that we can be great sources of inspiration to those around us who might already be considering "throwing in the towel".

"I" Is For Investment: Friendships Require Investments

Wisdom Nugget: Remember when you "Give to others, and you will receive. You will be given much. It will be poured into your hands - more than you can hold. You will be given so much that it will spill into your lap. The way you give to others is the way you will be given."

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To invest is to "Devote (one's time, effort, or energy) to a particular undertaking with the expectation of a worthwhile result."

Lesson 1: Friendship costs "time, effort, and energy" and if you are not willing to sacrifice these then you are not ready to build serious friendship. Investment also speaks of money put into a venture for profit. So straightaway lets settle this: friendship is like a bank account: you cannot pull out more than you are willing to invest or pay in. And every time you draw more than you deposit into it, your friendship account goes into red and the relationship suffers.

Lesson 2: Friendship is like a Football Game. Every time your friend scores a goal (of kindness) do not rest until you have equalized. You may not be able to do exactly what they did for you because you are not at the same financial level, but just score a goal nevertheless. It's not the size of the act but the size of the heart that matters. Some friends are like goal keepers, they never score any goals (of kindness), they only catch the balls (of kindness) played by others and anytime you stay only at the receiving end of any relationship, soon the other party becomes weary of giving all the time and begins to look for a way out. If I may ask, "what is the latest score between you and your friends lately?" If all you have been doing is conceding goals then its time to equalize. Don't be a looser !
Lesson 3: Every investment must have a "Worthwhile Result" or "Profit." One of the wisdom of life says "In all labour ,there is profit", and that profit must not be money only. It could be mentorship, character, manners, wisdom, encouragement, knowledge etc. but Profit you must get. Any friendship that adds nothing to you is killing you slowly.

However before you look for the profit in the relationship ask yourself, "how much have I invested in it?"

Once upon a time there was a king who lived in a beautiful kingdom. He was happy and so were his people. They worked together to improve the kingdom and brought the king many gifts. The king, in turn, was generous to his people. People all over the world heard of this kingdom and came to visit. They admired the beautiful kingdom and they marvelled at how happy everyone seemed to be. The kingdom grew and prospered. But then something happened. The king grew selfish and wanted more and more. He grew self-indulgent and demanded that the people bring him more and more food and more and more of the good things of life. The king's selfishness made him rich and fat, but the people became poor and miserable. One by one the people left the kingdom, and the kingdom that had been so beautiful and so happy began to fall apart. The king found himself alone in his castle, surrounded by mountains of food and all of the luxuries of life, but outside the kingdom had crumbled and the people had all slipped away. The king who had it all became selfish and wanted to keep it all, but he ended up losing it all.