Dealing With Child Neglect

Wisdom Nugget: "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.."

Source: Photopin

Neglect occurs when children are not provided with the basic needs of life. Neglect is a type of maltreatment that refers to the failure of parents or guardians to provide care even though they are financially able or have other means to do so. A child is also considered abandoned when the parent's identity or whereabouts are unknown; the child has been left alone in circumstances where the child suffers serious harm, or the parent has failed to maintain contact with the child or provide reasonable support for a specified period of time.

Neglect is different from other forms of abuse. Where in other forms of abuse a parent or guardian does something he/she is not supposed to do, in neglect the parent or guardian fails to do what he/she is supposed to do. Some of the signs that may indicate a child is being neglected include: untidiness, appearing sickly, frequently ill, looking sad and withdrawn from others. Other signs are: performing poorly in school, feeling out of place among friends and other people.

For more than two years, Willie Robinson's health deteriorated, family members tried to discuss the situation with his parents; Monica Hussing and William Robinson Sr., but the couple never got their son treatment. One relative claimed the glands in his neck swelled to the size of a softball. Hussing's sister said the child suffered for twenty-nine months and the parents did nothing even though they could have done something. The child collapsed and died at the age of 8 from Hodgkin lumphoma (a highly treatable cancer that was not diagnosed until his autopsy). In the days before his death, his mother treated him with cold medicine. Willie had begged to be taken to a doctor and at least eight family members had confronted that they should take the child to the hospital. The parents were sentenced to eight years in prison. (Culled from http://www.newser.com). I know what you're thinking. Unbelievable right? But this is a true life story; happened in Florida. Children are dying everyday out of child neglect in extreme cases, some are having their future marred by the neglidence of their own parents.

These days everyone  is money conscious, so money conscious that children look up to the maids and housekeepers as parents because their parents come back late in the evening and even when they do, lock themselves in their rooms in the name of 'resting'. Some keep their babies in daycare (crèche)  till late in the evening. It's amazing! Most parents don't know what's going on with their children both educationally, psychologically, emotionally and even medically. Some have dying children right under their noses without knowing it. And I ask, who are they working for? If you cannot give your own children attention and make sure they grow up okay, who are you then struggling for? Don't get me wrong I'm not against working hard, I'm not asking you to quit your 8-5 jobs and sit home with your children, I'm simply saying that you make out time for them.

Plan your weekends in such a way that the children are involved. Spend time with them, take them out. Plan vacations at least once a year to get away with your family if you can afford it. Find out about how they're doing in school, look into their school books, and pay attention to their health. I know it's not easy to do all these even with your job but it's your responsibility as parent. You have got to look out for these kids. If you have a baby that requires closer attention, then the parents should reach a compromise and either one of them has to come home early at least until the baby is older and can be left with a nanny for longer periods. We have been  instructed to "train up a child." not "drag on a child" because that's what most of us do. We just drag them on, anyhow without looking back.

  John Fitzgerald Kennedy said "A Child educated wrongly is a child lost". Educate these children rightly, not just about school work but also educate them about everyday living. There are some things a teacher or nanny will not teach your children but only you can.

DEALING WITH CHILD EMOTIONAL ABUSE

Wisdom Nugget: "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction..."

Source: Photopin

Emotional abuse can be detrimental to a child's behavioural development. You are wondering how? Ok, let's take a look at what emotional abuse is - Emotional abuse of a child also referred to as psychological maltreatment is commonly defined as a pattern of behaviour by parents or guardians that can seriously interfere with a child's emotional, psychological or social development. Don't confuse it with physical abuse; emotional abuse is different from physical abuse, as there are no physical injuries or bodily harm. Therefore, people often do not realize or recognize this type of abuse.

Children that suffer from emotional abuse lack self-confidence. They have feelings of being unworthy, unwanted, and unloved. They may respond to this in one of two ways: They may become aggressive and hostile, with many behavioural problems, or they might turn their anger inward and become depressed, withdrawn, and even consider suicide. Children who are emotionally abused usually do not feel free to be in the company of others and may perform poorly at school. Some ways by which people can abuse children emotionally include:

Ignoring: By deliberately not speaking to the child or deliberately not calling the child by their name or calling the child abusive names.

Rejecting: By refusing to treat a child nicely, or an active refusal to respond to a child's needs.
Isolating: By preventing the child from having normal social interactions with peers, family members and adults.

Exploiting or corrupting: By teaching the child, encouraging or forcing a child to develop inappropriate or illegal behaviors.

Verbally Assaulting: By constantly belittling, shaming, ridiculing or verbally threatening the child.
Terrorizing: By threatening or bullying the child to create a climate a fear for them by placing them in a dangerous or chaotic situation or by placing them in rigid or unrealistic expectations on the child with threats of harm if not met.

Neglecting: By failing or refusing to give a child educational services, mental or health attention.
Jennifer  wrote; I am in my early teens and my dad yells at me, swears at me, constantly tells me there is something wrong with me and I am not good enough. He puts me down, wrecks my self esteem, tells me I have "psychological leprosy" and "compulsive shyness disorder", and tells all his friends that I am an ungrateful daughter. Then he stops talking to me totally sometimes and treats me like I'm not there. He acts like he is the victim. I never talk back or anything, but he acts like I am the one doing wrong. This has been going on all my life, he is controlling and oppressive and I am falling into depression because of this. I hope someday I will escape this.

Its imperative for us to bring up our children with the instructions that can instil the right mindset in them. We must not deny our children the love and care that they deserve or to speak to them abusively.

Why then will you find it in your heart to treat children like slaves when you ought to do otherwise?

"Anyone entrusted with power will abuse it if not also animated with the love of truth and virtue, no matter whether he be a prince, or one of the people." - Jean de La Fontaine. It is easy to overcome abusing your children emotionally or the people around you. It's simple - love them, appreciate them, praise them, tell them you love them but don't curse them when they do wrong, correct them lovingly.

Putting them down will drive them away.

Why Do We Suffer?

"You must not under any pretense allow your mind to dwell on any thought that is not positive, constructive, optimistic, kind" - Emmet Fox


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It's easy to feel pity for ourselves when it appears the world has come down on us. We refuse to see anything else other than gloom from our sad experiences; it's a normal human tendency.
Finding themselves in the same boat, three women sat at a garden drinking coffee on a warm Sunday morning. "I did everything right, yet I'm a lonely, miserable maiden," said Tina the hostess of the pity party, as she mopped tears from her eyes."Oh, mine's worse," cried Lina, "I'm unemployed and in debt. Worse still, I'm battling breast cancer." When they turned to their friend who'd just lost all her kids in a plane crash, she said, "I'm enjoying the birdsong and the weather so much, I can't even remember the things that aren't right in my life."
Someone once said: "the soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears"

We often wonder why suffering is allowed in the lives of good people. But suffering isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes problems are used to teach us the essence of compassion. In our suffering we also learn to deal with life's problems. While some of us might choose to dwell on the "why-me side of things", the rest of us can choose to focus on the bright side of life.

Trials and tribulations are usually blessings in disguises. They, usually, force us to dig deep within our souls in search of a new meaning for our lives. Instead of asking, "Why is God punishing me?" Perhaps, you can ask, "What am I to learn from all of this?" There seems to be a message in every tough situation, if only we listen carefully enough. The truth is nothing happens for the sake of it. It might be difficult to learn positively from every bad experience but you can, with the love and guidance of wiser people.

In facing tough times, we should be willing to see the bright side of things and focus on improving and moral characters things. In doing this, our outlook on life will be improved. Praying frequently and studying are valuable tools for dealing with tough times.

Be determined to acquire new virtues at the end of each trial. Notice how kids become smarter with each bad experience. They are young and naive, too trusting of the people around them. Life works like every loving parent who would stop their child from putting his hand on a hot stove. The child "suffers" at the moment by being denied access and by the temporary pain of a spanking. But the parent sees the "big picture" and disciplines the child. So, too, can Life discipline us so that we learn to think critically about bigger decisions; this is a call to see tough times differently; as new opportunities to learn and become wiser.

It is wrong to assume that people in tough situations incurred the wrath of a higher power upon themselves. Hardships are probably a call to be more compassionate, even with ourselves. Suffering ought not to elicit judgemental attitudes from us, rather, it ought to teach us compassion and love and empathy.

 Showing these emotions to the suffering is part of the beginning of true rebirth.

DEALING WITH CHILD LABOUR

Wisdom Nugget:
"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law..."

Source: Photopin

"Child labor and poverty are inevitably bound together and if you continue to use the labor of children as the treatment for the social disease of poverty, you will have both poverty and child labor to the end of time"  - Grace Abbott

In many African countries children are traditionally supposed to do some work for the family such as cooking, collecting firewood, helping  to look after younger brothers or sisters, and herding cattle.
That's not the abuse per say, the abuse according to The United Nations Children's Emergency Fund (UNICEF)  occurs when a child is given more work than the child can do considering his/her age and if the work can cause harm to the child. Child labour happens when the child is treated unfairly so as to make money out of him/her. Child labour includes: Forcing an underaged child to work full time, paying less than an adult gets paid for the same work, putting too much responsibility on a child, forcing a child to work/live on the streets.
Child labour usually causes serious harm to children's physical, psychological, and mental health.

Twelve-year-old Alejandra is woken up at four in the morning by her father, Don José. She does not go to school, but goes to collect curiles, small molluscs in the mangrove swamps on the island of Espiritu Santo in Usulutan, El Salvador. Alejandra is not given breakfast as she's sent out too early so she can complete 14 hour work before nightfall so she leaves without breakfast. Instead the things she needs for effective work are handed over to her; these items include about a dozen cigars and at least four pills to keep her from falling asleep. A good part of the money that she earns goes to buy these things. In the mangrove swamp without shoes, Alejandra has to face bad weather, mosquito bites and cuts and scrapes from having to pull the curiles out from deep in the mud. The cigars help to repel the mosquitoes, but when she runs out of cigars Alejandra has to put up with the insects as she moves from branch to branch and from one area to another in search of shells. When she returns from work, her body is nearly always covered with bites. She earns very little. If she is lucky in one day Alejandra manages to collect two baskets of curiles (150 shells), worth little more than 12 colones, or $1.40. Alejandra, who has seven younger brothers and sisters, has no time to go to school or play with other children.

The narration above is a typical case of child labor, that the child willingly does it does not make it less of an abuse. Parents should be taking care of their children when they're underage. Not the other way round. Don't get me wrong, I am not advocating that children shouldn't do anything to help, but not by giving them more than they can (and/or should) bear. Not subjecting them to harsh weather conditions or dangerous situations. Do you know how many children go into a compound to sell wares to the occupants and never come out the same? Do you know how many children go missing everyday because they strayed into the wrong environment? Do you not know that a car can knock down your child while he/she is trying to hawk? What about the health detriments of putting these kids in these conditions. Be wise. Yes, let them help you but with a sense of putting their safety first! You will be judged if you do not do your best to care for these children.

It is the parent's responsibility to manage the home not the child's. And parents must carry out their duties with utmost respect. What respect do you command when you enslave your children? Instead you cast an unforgettable shadow on yourself. Herbert Ward puts it this way; "child abuse casts a shadow the length of a life time". Be wise your children are not donkeys, they're humans.

THE GIFT OF WORK (4)

Wisdom Nugget: "All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty"

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"It is the working man who is the happy man. It is the idle man who is the miserable man" - Benjamin Franklin

The story is told of a man by the name of Mr Kingsley who had  a son named Brian, who was a handsome young man. There was no one more handsome than Brian in Israel. He stood a head taller than any other man in Israe. One day Kingsley's cars got lost. So he said to his son Brian, "Take one of the staff and go look for the cars." Brian went to look for the cars. He walked through the hills of Ephraim and through the area around Shalisha. But Brian and the servant could not find Kingsley's cars. So they went to the area around Shaalim, but the cars were not there either. Then Brian traveled through the land of Benjamin, but he and the servant still could not find the cars. Finally, Brian and the servant came to the town named Zuph. Saul said to his servant, "Let's go back. My father will stop worrying about the cars and start worrying about us." But the servant answered, "A man of God is in this town. People respect him. Everything he says comes true, so let's go into town. Maybe the man of God will tell us where we should go next." The day before, the Lord had told Bishop McCain , "At this time tomorrow I will send a man to you. He will be from the tribe of Benjamin. You must anoint him and make him the new leader over my people Israel. This man will save my people from the Philistines. I have seen my people suffering, and I have heard their cries for help." When McCain saw Brian, the Lord said to McCain , "This is the man I told you about. He will rule my people." Brian went up to a man near the gate to ask directions. This man just happened to be McCain. Brian said, "Excuse me. Could you tell me where the seer's house is?" McCain  answered, "I am the seer. Go on up ahead of me to the place for worship. You and your servant will eat with me today. I will let you go home tomorrow morning. I will answer all your questions. And don't worry about the cars that you lost three days ago. They have been found.

Now, there is something that everyone in Israel is looking for and that something is you and your family." Imagine that Mr Kingsley is Kish, Brian is Saul, McCain is Prophet Samuel and the missing cars are donkeys. It's amazing how a simple obedience to a father's instruction ended up in the enthronement of Saul as king over Israel. He went out in search of his father's donkeys  at a time when Israel was in search of a king and its amazing how he ended being found. If he did not go out in search of those donkeys he would never have been found. More so he could have given up the search at the hills of Ephraim or at Shalisha or at Shaalim or at the land of Benjamin but they persisted until they got to Zuph.

They remained determined to bring result back to their boss. And at Zuph they decided to see the Priest only to discover that this whole delay, long wait and seeming  fruitless journey through five cities searching for donkeys was all a set up to bless Saul. In Samuel's words: "Now, there is something that everyone in Israel is looking for and that something is you and your family." Because he was faithful in what was another man's, He eventually got his own.

Mario Andretti wrote: "Desire is the key to motivation, but it's determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal - a commitment to excellence - that will enable you to attain the success you seek". 

DEALING WITH CHILD (PHYSICAL) ABUSE

Wisdom Nuggets: "... must manage (your) own family well and see that children are obedient, and...do so in a manner worthy of full respect."

Photo credit: Photopin

"What distresses me at times is that I meet a lot of people in their 40's, 50's, 60's, who still say they're a victim of child abuse" - Dave Pelzer

Physical child abuse refers to fractures and other signs of injury that occur when a child is hurt in anger. Physical abuse occurs when children are hurt or injured intentionally by caregivers or other people entrusted to take care of them. Physical abuse is also giving your child alcohol or drugging them so they can sleep while you go out with friends. Physical abuse tends to occur at moments of great stress. Often people who commit physical abuse also have poor impulse control. This prevents them from thinking about what happens as a result of their actions. it is important to note that cases of child abuse are found in every racial or ethnic background and social class. It is impossible to tell abusers from non-abusers by looking at their appearance or background. Most people who commit physical abuse were abused themselves as children. As a result, they often do not realize that abuse is not appropriate discipline for children.

Karibi is a 13-year-old girl who lost her parents when she was ten. Later, she moved to live with her aunt; her brothers (aged 15 and 10) and her 6-year-old sister all moved with her. While her 15-year-old brother and aunt were out all day fetching food , the younger brother went to school, leaving Karibi to look after her younger sister. One day, her aunt came home to find out that Karibi had eaten the only food she had left for supper. The aunt was so angry that she dipped Karibi's right hand in boiling water. It wasn't the first time that Karibi had suffered at the hands of her aunt. She had been so badly beaten once that she ended up in admission at the nearby health centre. Till date the aunt often shouts at Karibi and blames her for everything wrong in the home, even for mistakes the young girl isn't responsible for.

Most children live in fear in their own homes. Most adults carry out their frustrations on these children. Sometimes parents come home drunk, and their children suffer the effect. The children become very withdrawn and jumpy when the abuser is in sight.

Karibi's case is one of the many examples of domestic abuse endured by children. I watched one on the news a few years back where a child had her lips sown together with needle and thread because her aunt said she talked too much. The lips were so swollen that the child couldn't speak. There is even far worse being done to children. Some by their teachers, others by health workers in charity homes, some by neighbours others by strangers. They break limbs, inflict burns and bruises. It makes me wonder if there are no subtle ways to discipline children. Are there no better ways for instilling the truth in them without hurting them physically and even worse psychologically?

How would you feel if someone burnt your hands because they want you to learn that lying is wrong? If adults were being burnt for every sin committed, or if people were being hurt that much, then by now, there'd be a lot of walking skeletons on our streets. We'd probably all be dead. Our wisdom nugget says "...in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you", in everything! It didn't say 'some things'.

Do unto those children what you would have someone do to you. And to women who keep little children as 'house maids' I'd like to say "do unto those children what you would like others to do unto your children." Selah

DEALING WITH CHILD (SEXUAL) ABUSE

Wisdom Nugget: "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged."

photo credit: photopin

Child sexual abuse occurs when adults (or older people) use children to fulfil their sexual pleasure.
Of all forms of abuse, child sexual abuse is perhaps the most difficult one for people to deal with. Nobody wants to think or talk about child sexual abuse because sex is considered to be something secret and taboo, not to be talked about. Not talking about sex however, has left children unprotected and adults feeling helpless. And truthfully, children can be sexually abused by anyone. That someone could be their parents, uncles, aunts, cousins and/or priests, even teachers. These trusted people are not incapable of sexually abusing them. There are a number of reasons for this. There are several things that make children especially vulnerable to sexual abuse. One of them is that traditionally, children are taught to respect and obey elders; this makes it difficult for them to say "no" to an adult. In addition, children are dependent on adults for many things including love, affection, protection, food and other basic needs and might want to do anything to make sure they keep getting them.

Brenda remarried two years after she lost her husband. She wanted a 'new daddy' for her four year old daughter, Jenny, and she believed Mike would fit properly into the role. She worked in a bank, so she always left home very early and came back late. Unknown to her, Mike was more interested in her little baby sexually than in being her daddy. He made her do things to him and also did things to her and the child never told anyone because she believed Mike when he said "that's what daddies do" He took pictures of her undressed and made her watch pornographic pictures and videos. Jenny would always cry when her mummy was going to work but Brenda never understood. In school Jenny kept to herself; she wouldn't participate in activities with the other kids. Back home Mike always snuck around trying to molest her even when mummy was fast asleep at night. This went on for years until Mike started physically abusing Brenda and she had to walk out of the marriage, taking Jenny with her. Jenny didn't tell her story until she was twenty-four years old when she went for counseling and had to free herself of the burden by telling her story for the first time.

This is the same story of most children living right under their parents. Some of them are being abused by uncles, neighbours, teachers, etc. and they might never get to tell them out of fear. That's why you have to look out for the signs yourself. It is a parent's responsibility as the adult around them. They might not be your children, but you have an obligation to report any child abuse you detect around you. Karen Adams said, "Child abuse does not go away. But 90% of child abuse is preventable"

We have to realize that children who are sexually abused may never recover from it except they get help. Abuse is damaging! It can change a child's destiny for the worse. That's why we need to help them and save them from paedophiles. We owe them that responsibility. It is a moral obligation. Our text says "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged." This is addressed to the fathers in the household and, by extension, to anyone in authority over that child. Those in authority are commanded, not suggested, not to provoke (abuse) a child until he is violently angry or in a rage of frustration.  It's simply saying that people in authority should not abuse any child for any reason. There can never be a good reason to abuse a child.

THE ULTIMATE GIFTS: DIGNITY IN LABOUR

Wisdom Nugget: "The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand."

Vince Lombardi

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life." - Confucius.

We began talking about "The Ultimate Gifts" a couple of days ago and we proceeded with the gift of work. I like to state here that no man, can ever make a living from his job, in other words, we do not work to earn a living, but we work to earn a giving. Working 8 hours daily isn't enough to give u a living, you're actually fulfilling destiny - doing exactly what God designed us for, whenever you wake up in the morning, go to work come back home and repeat the entire process. Just like He placed Adam in the garden to till and dress it, we are placed, by God in our different establishments, businesses and so on to re - enact the miracle of reproduction that God made Adam for originally. We must realize at this point that working is different from havin a job. The scriptures say to us, "he who does not work should not eat". Not he who does not have a job.

We should take pleasure in the work for which we have been called, for in it will we find our reward. We should love to work. It was Thomas A. Edison that said,"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." And Martin Luther King Jr. Put it thus, that, "all labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence."

There's a story told of a wealthy man who employed his brother in law to build him a house. He explained that he and his family intended to travel to Europe for the summer. While there, he wanted this dream house built. The brother in - law agreed and set to work. As the building progressed, he decided to cut corners here and there by using inferior materials wherever he could cover them up after all, the rich man would never know the difference. In time the summer ended and the house was completed. Immediately he was taken out to the building site to look over the new house. After examining it carefully and admiring its elegance at some length, he said to the builder: "I'll tell you, it's lovely. In fact, you have done such a marvellous job that I'm just going to give it to you." Here are the keys to the building, its yours. You can imagine the dejected feeling of the brother-in-law when he knew that inferior workmanship as well as -inferior materials had gone into his house.

Unlike the brother-in-law who used substandard materials in his own house we should use the right materials to build our destinies by being diligent in our work, till the end.

THE ULTIMATE GIFTS: THE GIFT OF WORK 1

Wisdom Nugget: All life demands struggle. Those who have everything given to them become lazy, selfish, and insensitive to the real values of life. The very striving and hard work that we so constantly try to avoid is the major building block in the person we are today.

                                                                                       - Pope John Paul VI

Gift
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Last week I gathered all my pastors and leaders together and played the movie "The Ultimate Gift". I had heard about the movie from Prof Vin Anigbogu during my training at the Top Executive Leadership Course (TELC) at the Institute for National Transformation (INT). I must confess I was not prepared for what I saw. The impact of the movie was so strong it left me literally under the anointing for 3 days. It is a must watch for your Leadership Retreat. Today let me begin a life changing series as part of my inspiration from that movie. I have titled this series "The Ultimate Gifts". I found the patterns very interesting.

(1) Man with the (same) ability to be a creator or inventor (just as his creator is).

(2) Then He brings man into the garden so he can catch a vision of  his future so he can see all the spheres or areas where he can possibly unleash his creativity.

(3) Then man is given WORK to do apparently tailored towards the specific area of Adam's creative or innovative interest or ability.

(4) Once man had developed good work ethics the next thing God did was to train him on the discipline of making right choices from wrong ones.

(5) That settled and having turned his work into a JOB, God felt Adam was now matured enough to handle a woman so gave him a wife.

Notice Adam first got a WORK before he got a JOB. A work is never scarce and always available. A JOB is what is sometimes difficult to come by. The difference? Work is any opportunity to serve that you seize without considering remuneration or profit. While a job is work that gets adequately rewarded. Those who pick up work always end up with the job. But those who pursue the job often have a tough time and face a stiff competition to get one.


The great terrific mountains and the wild beasts in them were created  by His words, the scary seas and their great whales  at his words, God formed the galaxies and all the beautiful birds at his words but interestingly God refused to give rain or dig one inch of ground after creation but waited for man to do so.

Question: Why? Why didn't life just make everything easy by commanding the garden to take care of itself. Why does man have to till the ground before eating from it?

Answer: Man was created for work. Work is man's way of displaying his God given creative nature. God never engages in mass production. He only produces a prototype, injects into it the seed element and commands it to "reproduce after its kind". Only the raw material is provided and man is left to exercise his creative ability to process the finished product. Nations and individuals who have taken advantage of this ability to process raw or natural resources are wealthy and those who remain producers of raw materials or natural resources and do not process it are poor. This is why Nigeria for example is the world's 6th largest producer of crude oil and America's 4th largest supplier (especially the lead free Bonny Light which is purer than what the Middle East produces) yet because we have no functional refineries, we are still amongst the world's poorest nations.

Work as far as I know is not a burden but man's opportunity to display and manifest the multi-faceted aspects of Nature's goodness to humanity.

That was why Thomas A. Edison said "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." Unfortunately, today when men take the credit or glory for their inventions. If only they understood that the work of creation was being continued through them... Those who pick up work always end up with the job. But those who pursue the job often have a tough time and face a stiff competition to get one.

. It was Albert Camus who said "A man's work is nothing but this slow trek to rediscover, through the detours of art, those two or three great and simple images in whose presence his heart first opened" and John Dewey concludes "To find out what one is fitted to do, and to secure an opportunity to do it, is the key to happiness."

THE ULTIMATE GIFTS: THE GIFT OF WORK 1

"Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing." - Theodore Roosevelt

 

DEALING WITH CHILD ABUSE

Wisdom Nugget:

"Children are the world’s most valuable resource, and its best hope for the future”

John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Child abuse is the physical, sexual or emotional mistreatment or neglect of a child or children. Many children grow up in happy and loving homes, but others are harmed in various ways. Some children are mistreated, or neglected. Some adults take advantage of children to have sex with them. Children are most often abused by adults close to them and who have power and authority over them. This problem is made worse when children do not have a relationship with their parents or guardian; it makes it difficult to tell them that they have been abused. In such cases, abuse often times remains hidden within the family and the community.

There are many forms of child abuse. Children may be abused sexually, emotionally, physically, or they may be neglected. It is difficult for us to read or think about children being harmed in this way especially for someone like me, who knows how much my children mean to me; but nevertheless we have a responsibility to help in whatever way we can. So we must face the truth, abuse does happen and we must fight it!

One day a woman left her baby daughter in her husband's care while she was busy doing some work in another room. He immediately buried himself in his newspaper, and forgot all about the baby until he heard a series of thumps, followed by a horrendous cry. Instantly he knew that the baby had fallen down the stairs. He called out to his wife, "Honey Come quick our little girl just took her first 24 steps" it might seem like an interesting joke but most of us are like that husband. A child is put in our care by our wives, aunties, neighbours, sisters and so on. We neglect the child completely until something tragic happens to the child and then we start looking for cute excuses to make. You might not have known it but that is child abuse.

Some children have been chained like dogs and made to sleep in the garage or in a kennel. One child who survived such a tragic childhood has written about the abuse in a book titled, A Child Called "It". His mother would give him only the left-over from meals if he was good. When he went to school, he would steal food, only to return to the house after school and be forced to throw up. He was never allowed into the house except when he had to do chores. He was forced to sleep in the garage, and was constantly abused both mentally and physically by his mother. He had no hope and no happiness. Can you imagine that? Most women take children from their parents to live with them as a 'maid' and treat them even worse. They flog and maltreat them like they're dogs and then pamper their own children. Sometimes, it’s difficult to understand how we can have the heart to treat children worse than animals, simply because they didn't give birth to them. You see a family walk past you in the mall and you can tell who the 'children' are and who the maid is. How can you treat a child as precious as they are, like trash?

Children are priceless gifts, which means every child is our responsibility, do you treat you starve, beat or maltreat a gift? Trust me the way you treat that child in your care says a lot about you. John Fitzgerald Kennedy said "Children are the world's most valuable resource and its best hope for the future". These children are our future. Treat them well for you don't know what they might become to you tomorrow. Give this a serious thought.

DEALING WITH DOMESTIC ABUSE

Wisdom Nugget: "Husbands love your wives, and do not be harsh with them."

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Domestic abuse is a pattern of behavior which involves the abuse by one partner against another in an intimate relationship such as marriage, cohabitation, dating or within the family. Domestic violence can take many forms, including physical aggression or assault (hitting, kicking, biting, shoving, restraining, slapping, throwing objects, battery), or threats thereof; sexual abuse; emotional abuse; controlling or domineering; intimidation; stalking; passive/covert abuse (e.g., neglect); and economic deprivation. Domestic violence occurs across the world in various cultures and affects people across societies, irrespective of their economic status, race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It has profound consequences on the lives of children, adults and families because it's the kind of abuse committed by someone that's supposed to love you.

Domestic violence could encompass both physical and emotional abuse. These includes sexual abuse, rape, incest, sexual assault, starvation, verbal and physiological abuse, economic abuse and exploitation, denial of basic education, intimidation and harassment, stalking, hazardous attack such as acid bath with offensive or poisonous substance, damage of property.

Wives and children are the most commonly abused. Men are abused too, but mostly verbally and psychologically. Our text admonishes husbands to love their wives and not be harsh, if you can apply this to your wives, so can you to your children. You'd find it naturally flowing down to them. This also applies to wives towards their husbands. Expressing love goes a long way to curb abuse.

Angela told her story; my real father was very abusive to my mom, my four siblings and me. When I was 11 years old, my younger sister, my three brothers and I were placed in foster care homes, as my mom could not handle this life of abuse and had no other supports to keep her life together. It was my further misfortune that the foster father where my sister and I were placed was emotionally, physically and mentally abusive to all of the children in the home. At one point we had as many as ten children living in this home. I was the cook and the bottle washer, and was just one of many who would work very hard with much scolding and degradation. On one occasion I watched my foster brother get beaten. It was very traumatizing. I thought that I was witnessing a murder! This young man was 9 years old and the reason that he was getting this severe treatment was because he did not know how to eat with a spoon or fork. He had never been taught, and somehow that warranted punishment - as if it were his fault. I watched his under-nourished body as he was thrown violently down a full flight of stairs. Once he landed on the concrete basement floor and just laid there. I thought that he had died. My foster father followed him down the stairs then proceeded to kick him from one end of the basement to the other. He punched this poor lifeless body, then spoke such negative words over this young man and then continued to kick him repeatedly. I was so terrified at what I had witnessed that I ran away to my room so that he would not know how much I had seen that day. Thank God that this young boy managed to survive this terrible beating. The next day, every part of his body was swollen and black and blue. He still had to do all of his chores. This young man later grew up and was abusive to his first wife until she left him. He then remarried another woman and beat her as well. The cycle perpetuated, which is often seen, unless counsel, therapy, education or some other kind of intervention, changes the course of the cycle.

Domestic violence is common and occurs in more homes than you can imagine. Women take in girls as 'house maids' and treat them like slaves. While their children are treated like kings and the 'maids' serve them and is at their service. I find such scenarios amusing because those parents think they're doing their children well, while the fact is that most of these kids end up spoilt and are unable to live independently even after they grow up. Yes, the bible said "train up a child the way he should go." but it didn't say "kill a child before he grows."  Besides, it's beyond the marks and bruises; you could be damaging your victim emotionally for life. You could be creating the worlds' next monster, because abuse does one of two things; it either turns the abused into an abuser or it turns the abused into their shells for the rest of their lives.

Salma Hayek said "There is a subconscious way of taking violence as a way of expression, as normality, and it has a lot of effects in the youth in the way they absorb education and what they hope to get out of life."

Do You Have A Purpose?

Wisdom Nugget:  "...people are destroyed for lack of knowledge..."

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It is pertinent to state here that knowledge of what a thing is the first step to knowing what it can be used for. An attempt to make use of a tool without knowledge of what it was designed to do is why most hitherto useful objects are misused. Being able to answer the question "Who are you?" is the determining factor in being able to ascertain where you should be from where you are. As Myles Munroe once said, "When the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable"

Remember the wise saying, "...people are destroyed for lack of knowledge..."

  While, Bronson Alcott said, "To be ignorant of one's ignorance is the malady of the ignorant."

The Indo-Pacific Sailfish, Istiophorus platypterus known to be the world fastest fish, which swims at breathtaking speeds of 110kph or at 68mph, if taken out of warm salt water, out of its natural habitat wouldn't be able to swim, talk more of swimming as fast because that's not the right environment for it. In the same way as humans there are certain environments that we cannot thrive because of our inborn traits, qualities, abilities and assignment. In other words, skills, knowledge, abilities and experiences are only useful if you are at the right place.

To be able to know where (our place) we ought to be in life we must search our souls. Ask the Creator what your purpose on earth is. What do you enjoy  doing?

There's a saying that goes: "Call to me and I will answer you. I'll tell you marvellous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own."

Like a student needs counselling and advice to know what career is suitable for him, so also we need guidance to be able to determine if we are at the right place or track in destiny.

We are only relevant in our natural habitat. Search your heart today and you'll most assuredly realise your purpose.

Your Mama

Wisdom Nugget: "Her children arise and call her blessed many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."

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As the wise saying goes, "you never know what you have until it's gone."

Naturally, most of the time we become so used to certain people, especially family around us that we trivialize their importance and value, to the extent that most times we don't even remember they exist, even while they are close-by. I have had the opportunity of attending burial ceremonies and have almost, all the time, heard family members or acquaintances eulogise the dead, or attempting to do so amidst teary eyes. Usually, I realize there's always something nice to say about the departed. But it crossed my mind to ask myself once, "How many times do we make these people know how important they are to us, or how often do we give such praises or pour such accolades on them while they are alive? Very unlikely that they never even knew they were so loved and cherished.

We are usually either very busy trying to make all the money in the world while  forgetting that we wouldn't have any loved ones to spend the money on if they died. Someone said "What's the most important thing in life? To me, it's FAMILY, because if you take away the fame & fortune they're the ones that will always be there."

A man stopped at a flower shop to order some flowers to be wired to his mother who lived two hundred miles away. As he got out of his car he noticed a young girl sitting on the curb sobbing. He asked her what was wrong and she replied, "I wanted to buy a red rose for my mother. But I only have seventy-five cents, and a rose costs two dollars."
The man smiled and said, "Come on in with me. I'll buy you a rose." He bought the little girl her rose and ordered his own mother's flowers. As they were leaving he offered the girl a ride home. She said, "Yes, please! You can take me to my mother." She directed him to a cemetery, where she placed the rose on a freshly dug grave. The man returned to the flower shop, cancelled the wire order, picked up a bouquet and drove the two hundred miles to his mother's house.

As we celebrate women all around the world, do something special for your mother, or that mother figure in your life. Make that call, send those flowers, wire some money, above all the gifts, tell her how important - let her know how much of a wonderful mother she has been to you. It was Abraham Lincoln who quipped, "All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother."

Remember this: your mother will not be around forever. Appreciate her while she's still alive. Life is short. Spend as much time as you can loving and caring for her. Enjoy each moment with loved ones, before it's too late.

Nothing compares to family.

Just An Hour

Wisdom Nugget: "Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you."

                                                                                    - H. Jackson Brown Jnr.

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Isn't it funny how that with the advancement in technology and deep into the heart of the 21st century craze, many hitherto important or rather very important things have been pushed so far down the "priorities" list that either they are no longer relevant or altogether not important. It's funny how that now it has become the norm for parents to delegate their parental responsibilities to nannies, barely having time for their children anymore. Children are the leaders of tomorrow. But how can that be if the right moral values are not inculcated in them by those who are supposed to do so?

 "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" The level of decay and moral decadence in our society today cannot be over emphasized due to parents' absence from the day-to-day running of their children's lives all in the name of "providing for the family". Attempting to replace quality time and availability with "presents" instead of their "presence". If a survey were carried out with children I bet you it'll be amazing to discover how many children would chose hanging out with their parents over receiving presents from them.

Late one night, father was trying to finish some leftover work from the office. His son came and asked, "Daddy, may I ask you a something?" Father said, "Yeah sure, what's it son?" "Dad, how much do you make an hour?" Father very surprised and stunned, said to his son, "why do you ask such a thing?" "I just want to know, please tell me," pleaded the son. "Ok, I make $500 per hour". "Oh, ok. Dad, may I please borrow $200?" Slightly irritated by his sons' distraction, he replied, "If the reason you asked about my pay is so that you can ask for some toy, then march back to bed. I work hard every day so that you can get all the toys you'll ever need. You don't have to borrow from me to buy any toys" The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. "What kind of toy would that be" the father thought. "Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $200 because he doesn't ask for money very often!" The man went to the door of little boy's room and opened it. "Are you asleep, son?" He asked. "No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy. Sitting on his sons' bed, he said "here's the $200 you asked for". The little boy sat straight up, smiling "oh thank you daddy!" he smiled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled some crippled up notes. Seeing that the boy already had money, he became puzzled. The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at his father, with innocence in his eyes and that yearning for a fatherly presence in his daily life. Handing over the money, he said, "Daddy I have $500 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you".

Parents train up your children in the way they should go, so that when they are old they will not turn from it" we need to learn to make "being there" for our children a top priority, as that's one of our major assignments as parents. Life is all about making priorities, and family is one and only priority on top of all others, so spend all the time you can with your children.

SHAKE IT OFF AND STEP UP

Wisdom Nuggets: "Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence." - Helen Keller.

Are you an optimist or a pessimist? Do you see the glass "half empty, or half full"? Do you do your best to ensure you don't give wrong or negative explanations for the unpleasant circumstances of life? How do you handle circumstances that literally tear you up, and lay you bare? What is your reaction or response to seemingly unpleasant situations? No matter what experience we have, our interpretation of the situation is most paramount. It's amazing sometimes how we feel when we are ignored or rejected. But the truth is that life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick is to not get bogged down by it. We can get out of the deepest wells by not stopping. And by never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up!

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and begin to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that fell on his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and totted off!

You are a special being, created, secured, accepted, and valued. You haven't been abandoned. Not even in your times of trouble, persecution, or distress will you be deserted. What can separate us from creator's Love?

We must not fail to see that adversities, rejection and discouragement as opportunities for improvement and change. Tough times brush off our rough edges, carving us into shape to be able to conform to his specifications. We can choose to either grow strong through our experiences or groan about them. I  hope that you choose the former.

Let us end with this quote by Mary Engelbreit, "If you don't like something change it, and if you can't change it, change the way you think about it", and Seneca adds, "The bravest sight in the world is to see a great man struggling against adversity".

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HANDLING REJECTION II

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Wisdom Nugget: "He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering."



It was Sylvester Stallone of the "Rambo" fame who said, "I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat." And Louise Nevelson added, "I think all great innovations are built on rejections." It's amazing how people take rejection when it hits them; some respond with outstanding mind blowing results, while yet others react with devastating consequences. Different strokes for different folks, you might say.

Freddy was a soldier who was finally coming home after having fought in Vietnam. He called his parents from San Francisco.  "Mom and Dad, I'm coming home, but I have a favour to ask. I have a friend I'd like to bring home with me. "Sure," they replied, "we'd love to meet him." "There's something you should know," Freddy continued, "he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mine and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us." "I'm sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live." "No, I want him to live with us." "Son," said the father, "you don't know what you're asking. Someone with such disabilities would be a terrible burden on us. We have our own lives to live, and we can't let something like this interfere with our lives. I think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He'll find a way to live on his own."At that point, Freddy hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him. A few days later, however, they received a call from the San Francisco police. Freddy had died after falling from a building, they were told. The police believed it was suicide. The grief-stricken parents flew to San Francisco and were taken to the city morgue to identify the body of their son. They recognized him, but to their horror they also discovered something they didn't know, their son had only one arm and one leg

Freddy's parents are like many of us today we find it easy to love those who are good-looking or fun to have around. We would rather stay away from people who aren't as healthy, beautiful, or smart as we expect. Thankfully, there's someone who won't treat us that way. Someone who loves us with an unconditional love that welcomes us into the forever family, regardless of how messed up we are.

We can either be victims of, or victors over rejection.

FRIENDS DO NOT (ONLY) LAST A LIFE TIME

Wisdom Nugget: A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother

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Remember "You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late."-Ralph Waldo Emerson

And David said, Is there yet any that is left of the house of Saul, that I may shew him kindness for Jonathan's sake?

In the few years I have lived, I have seen quite a great deal of unbelievable conduct between supposed friends which is why I strongly hold the view that most FRIENDS DO NOT LAST A LIFE TIME

(1) Ebi just lost the father and soon after the burial she needed badly to pay her school fees and felt the best person to talk to would be the Dad's former best friend. To her utter shock, he demands for sex as a pre-condition for any financial assistance.
(2) Mr Tony and his best friend Tijani who were business partners were at the verge of closing a major deal that would fetch them hundreds of millions, when suddenly Tijani got involved in a ghastly accident on his way to one of the project sites. He died  a few days later and a month after his burial the project is completed and money paid to their company account. The widow of late Mr Tijani got wind that payment had just been made for the job which took her husband's life. She phoned Mr Tony, but he refused to answer her calls.She eventually tracked him down to the office and he lied to her that no payment was ever made. Two years later, she received a pittance from Mr Tony; upposedly her husband's share of the contract money. He said he didn't have to give her anything and wass in fact doing her a Favour.
(3) A heated argument broke out between the driver and this pretty young woman. She would not pay any fare for her young son because she did not have such money. She would rather carry him on her laps. Then she added "After all, since his father died, they haven't given me nothing !" At that point I became curious and wanted to know more. I offered to pay for her son so she could tell me. Her husband had died in war as an Ecomog Peace keeping soldier in Liberia. And when she demanded for his gratuities, her husband's former boss insisted on sleeping with her first. When she refused, the money was finally paid to her father-in-law who refused to give her or any of her kids a dime. Only her first son was in school, courtesy of some kind soldiers in the barracks who had contributed into a purse to help him for he was very bright.


David and Jonathan entered into a covenant of friendship. Many years later both Jonathan and his father Saul were dead and forgotten, but not by David. David woke up one morning, according to our text, and began to look for just any survivors of Saul's family so he could show them kindness, not for their sake but " for Jonathan's sake!" Because David believed that true friendship lasts beyond one's life time; it endures for all time. David discovered Mephibosheth,  restored back to him every property, investment and servant belonging to his late father, and all the benefits due a king's son.

Look for family members of your late covenant (bosom or close friend)  who are in "Lode-bar" (distress and despair) and show them kindness "for your late friend's sake" because friends are not only for life but much more in death. The bad news is we will all die one day and the seeds we sow for others today, (good, bad or ugly) our families shall reap them "good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over."

As the wise saying goes, whatever goes around, comes around. Friends are not for life only but for all time ! Remember "You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late."-Ralph Waldo Emerson.

And "no act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted"-Aesop.

Friends Are Not For Life...

Wisdom Nugget: "Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend."

                                                                                                                -Albert Camus

Friends
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We've probably used this very popular phrase about friends before. "Friends are for life". But today I beg to completely disagree with you.

Amongst all the several definitions of who a true friend is that I have read about, William Penn's stands out: "a true friend freely advises, justly assists, readily adventures, boldly takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably."

For want of space, let me take only one item from the above: "DEFENDS COURAGEOUSLY".

A true friend will not keep quiet when someone is gossiping about you. They may not know the details but will not tolerate anyone running you down where they are. They courageously defend you first before they come to find out (from you) whether what they said about you was true . In the law of friendship "silence (when your friend is being defamed) is equal to tacit support for the defamation." You are as guilty as the one who is peddling the story. But DEFENDING COURAGEOUSLY goes beyond gossips.

Everyone knows the fate of women when their husbands die (or when their sons die). Inhuman treatment are sometimes, metted out to helpless and defenseless widows in certain cultures.That was why Jesus said to his mother, "woman, behold thy son!" Then saith he to his trusted friend  "Behold thy mother!" And because the trusted friend, John, understood the coded language of his dear and dying friend Jesus, from that hour he took her unto his own home, to protect, defend and look after her. Remember, soon after this Jesus died. The master's body was lifeless. John's friend and future were buried, but still John didn't leave. Why? Was he waiting for the resurrection? No. As far as he knew, Jesus' lips were forever silent and his hands forever still. He wasn't expecting a Sunday surprise. Then why was he here? You'd think he would have left. Who was to say that the men who crucified Christ wouldn't come after him? The crowds were pleased with one crucifixion; the religious leaders might have called for more. Why didn't John get out of town? Perhaps the answer was pragmatic. Perhaps, he was taking care of Jesus' mother. Or maybe he lingered because he loved his friend Jesus. To others, Jesus was a miracle worker, was a master teacher, to some others, Jesus was the hope of Israel. But to John, he was all of these and more. To John, Jesus was a friend. John had learnt that "You don't abandon a friend - not even when that friend is dead because friends are not for life but for all time".

Did he understand Jesus? No. Nobody fully did. Was he glad Jesus did what he did? No. But did he leave Jesus? No. Our friendship is hypocritical if after our friend died, we did not arise to defend his widow and fight for the upkeep of their children. If we watched our friend's widow humiliated and their children frustrated by a tradition that gave one irresponsible in-law the right to deprive her and her kids of all their late husband and father laboured for and did nothing, then we were never friends in the first place, but wicked, selfish, conscienceless and  opportunistic imposters whose true character had been revealed in the unfortunate event. Our friends' widow and children are still in shock as they observe our indifference, wondering if we were the same people who ate in their home and hung around with their dad.

Friends we should take up our responsibilities, and understand that : "FROM THE DAY OUR FRIEND DIES WE BECAME A FATHER  TO HIS KIDS AND A HUSBAND TO HIS WIDOW"! Not in conjugal terms but in terms of "RESPONSIBILITY TO THE BEST OF OUR ABILITY".

Let us conclude with the words of  C. JoyBell C "There are still some wonderful people left in this world! They are diamonds in the rough, but they're around! You'll find them when you fall down- they're the ones who pick you up. They will never judge you. But you'll only know them them when you're down! When you get up again, remember who your true friends are!"

 "... there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."

Bottomline: riends are not for life, but for all time.

Handling Rejection I

Wisdom Nugget: "He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him"

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"Gilead's wife had several sons. When they grew up, they did not like Jephthah. They forced Jephthah to leave his hometown. They said to him,"You will not get any of our father's property, because you are the son of another woman."So Jephthah went away because of his brothers..."

Rejection has a way of destroying a person's life in a way that few other things can, because it attacks the very person that we are. It destroys our self-esteem, and attacks who we are and our purpose in life. The sad fact is that the number of people who are affected by rejection is staggering. If we want to be all that we have been created to be, then overcoming rejection and its effects is vital and absolutely essential.

The word "rejection" was first used in 1415; the original meaning was "to throw" or "to throw back". There's hardly anyone who hasn't been fraught with the issue of rejection. None.

"He came to the world that was his own. And his own people did not accept him". Moments of rejection are  very delicate periods in everyone's life. Bo Bennett, a businessman and author says, "A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success." At such times as this the usual feeling is to sulk, feel pity for oneself and wish the world to end and at such times it's highly required to avoid the company of people who are going through the same situation as you and having the same feelings as you, because it is usually very easy at such times to find them almost everywhere you turn. Instead it's divine wisdom to look for those who will uplift your spirit with encouraging words - to pull you out of the pit. As Rush Limbaugh, radio talk show host puts it when he said "It's too easy to find people who've failed and are embittered. The best thing you can do is hang around people who've succeeded and are happy doing what you want to do and learn from them."

We might not at all be able to eliminate rejection in our daily lives because sometimes it's a necessary tool to sharpen our rough edges in preparation for a more glorious life ahead of us. If only we can choose to see the blessings disguised in some of those ugly packaging called rejection, we'd realize at the end of the day that "it wasn't really a bad experience after all". Augie, from SelflessMinds.com quipped "Rejection is fun when you can learn from it and grow as a wiser person." Norman Vincent Peale adds that "Life's blows cannot break a person whose spirit is warmed at the fire of enthusiasm."
Beloved, be consoled by the fact that "rejection" is only going to last awhile; it's a "going through" not a "staying in". We are told "...The Lord has promised that he will not leave us or desert us."  "...and remember! I will be with you always, yes, even until the end...")

Let us close with this quote by Winston Churchill "If you're going through hell, keep going."

Family Matters: Five More Minutes

Wisdom Nuggets: "All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any"

"Children are a gift from the Lord, a reward from a mother's womb.4 A young man's son are like the arrows in a soldier's hand"

There was a time, and maybe still is, when you might hear a parent say something about wanting to provide a "better life" for their children. A better life than what they (the parent) had growing up. And by better life, they mean - a bigger house, more and nicer cars, and more stuff. And I'm wondering is the next generation going to try to build a better life for their children - and by better life would they mean - maybe a smaller house or apartment, fewer and not so nice cars, less stuff - but more time together as a family because they will work fewer jobs, or a jobs that pay less but allow them work less and be home more? It's not so difficult to realize that life is all about making priorities, and family is the one and only priority on top of all other, so spend all the time you can with your children, while you still have the chance because they crave it- like I did while growing up.

While at the park one day, a woman sat down next to a man on a bench near a playground. "That's my boy over there," she said smiling, pointing to a little boy in a red sweater who was gliding down the slide.  "He's a fine looking boy" the man said. "That's my daughter on the bike in the white dress" Then, looking at his watch, he called to his daughter. "What do you say we go, Melissa?", "Just five more minutes, Dad, please? Just five more minutes" The man nodded and Melissa continued to ride her bike to her heart's content. Minutes passed and the father stood and called again to his daughter. "Time to go now" Again Melissa pleaded, "Five more minutes, Dad, just five more minutes"  The man smiled and said, "Ok"  "My, you certainly are a patient father," the woman responded. The man smiled and then said, "Her older brother Tommy was killed by a drunk driver last year while he was riding his bike near here. I never spent much time with Tommy and now I'd give anything for just five more minutes with him. I've vowed not to make the same mistake with Melissa.  She thinks she has five more minutes to ride her bike. The truth is, I get five more minutes to watch her play."

Just a short reminder to everyone working so hard in life that we should not let time slip through our fingers without, having spent quality time with our children, who really matter to us, and those close to our hearts. If we were to die today, the same company will easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. Why pour ourselves more into work than our family?

Beloved, it's sad that we have prioritized spending quality time with our children with presents, fancy cars and all. Yes. Those are good too, but not very important.  "All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient..." some things are more important than others and it's  high time we as parents realized, according to how Jesse Jackson put it when he said, "your children need your presence more than your presents".

What Do You See II

Wisdom Nugget: "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."

                                                                                                              -  Helen Keller

Photo credit: Photopin

The difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is the way you use them" and Duke Ellington said that a problem is a chance for you to do your best." I couldn't have agreed any better with Duke Ellington, if I wasn't acquainted already with the story of Thomas Edison, who after failing about ten thousand times in a particular venture, used his failures as stepping stones to achieving his very desire. What do you see, when you experience difficulties and unpleasant experiences, disappointments, and so on? Do you see with the eyes of faith or you see with the eyes of fear and resentment? It's important to understand that there's no successful man without a groaning story, because its experiences such as that that lead to them to their glorious stories.

Hear this. Everyone on top today didn't get there with success after success. More often than not, those who history best remembers were faced with numerous obstacles that forced them to work harder and show more determination than others. Next time you're feeling down about your failures in college or in a career, keep these famous people in mind and remind yourself that sometimes failure is just the first step towards success. You may not have heard of Akio Morita, but you've undoubtedly heard of his company, Sony. Sony's first product was a rice cooker that unfortunately didn't cook rice so much as burns it, selling less than 100 units. This first setback didn't stop Morita and his partners as they pushed forward to create a multi-billion dollar company. Today Disney rakes in billions from merchandise, movies and theme parks around the world, but Walt Disney himself had a bit of a rough start. He was fired by a newspaper editor because, "he lacked imagination and had no good ideas." After that, Disney started a number of businesses that didn't last too long and ended with bankruptcy and failure. He kept plugging along, however, and eventually found a recipe for success that worked. Less Brown, the renowned motivational speaker, was turned down for a job severally but he, in the midst of all that rejection took his stumbling blocks as stepping stones. You too can do the same if you can see the good in every bad situation you encounter.

Malcolm S. Forbes said that when things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always get worse. And when they are, we find hope in the thought that things are so bad they have to get better. "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it change the way you think about it. - Mary Engelbreit.

Whatever you believe or think in your heart (about your circumstances), comes to pass, and so it's required that we see and confess positively, even in difficult times, for life and death are in the power of the tongue.