THE GIFT OF FAMILY (13); RAISING MORAL CHILDREN

A group of six-year-olds are playing and one of the children falls, scrapes her knee and starts crying. One child offers a reassuring “I’m sorry you’re hurt” and shows a desire to comfort. On the other hand another child laughs and calls, the child “cry baby.”

The little illustration above is a common experience among children. It happens every time; most times we just laugh over such experiences and forget it afterwards. Truth be told, such reactions and responses tell a great deal about the kind of family (home) each child is coming from - whether it's a caring one or an uncaring one. Your children will only develop into caring adults or individuals if they have experienced same growing up.
Bringing up moral children is a way of saying, teach your children to live by the rules. If you want your children to go about treating others like you want others to treat them, then you have to teach them how to be able to think through an action before doing it and to judge how the consequences of that action will affect themselves and others; in this lies the basis of a moral person.

It’s in the family caring children are raised; parents are the child’s first morality teachers. Observations as well as countless studies show that infants are more likely to become moral children and adults if they experienced their parents doing same. The one quality that distinguishes these children from kids raised in a detached parenting style is sensitivity. Plant it in your children good morals and watch it sprout. Other virtues, such as self-control, compassion, and honesty and so on are by products. Here’s how to raise morally upright children.

THE GIFT OF FAMILY (12); YES I DO!

The simple statement “YES I DO”, taken in isolation is a gentle, harmless expression of agreement, however, in the context of a marriage union and the family, it is a powerful expression of a covenant between two people called the couple, the foundation upon which a family is to be built and the seed that God is hoping to forge and nurture a group of people that will impact the world around them. When viewed in this light, this expression puts great responsibility on the couple to protect & preserve at all cost their union. It is rather unfortunate, that in this generation the slightly pressure seems to be able to break up the marriage union, in fact it has almost become fashionable to expect a separation. 

A couple married for 15 years began having more than usual disagreements. They wanted to make their marriage work and agreed on an idea the wife had. For one month they planned to drop a slip in a "Fault" box. The boxes would provide a place to let the other know about daily irritations. The wife was diligent in her efforts and approach: "leaving the jelly top off the jar," "wet towels on the shower floor," "dirty socks not in hamper," on and on until the end of the month. After dinner, at the end of the month, they exchanged boxes. The husband reflected on what he had done wrong. Then the wife opened her box and began reading. They were all the same, the message on each slip was, "I love you!"

It takes more than a feeling of euphoria and excitement to make a marriage work, your union must have the storm withstanding characteristic called COMMITMENT, an agreement to make it work, and for this to happen someone has to be love more and be willing to pay the price. An entire generation will be grateful that your union survived and thrived.

THE GIFT OF FAMILY (11) BUILD THE KIDS, NOT THE WALLS

"A man should never neglect his family for business." - Walt Disney

In ancient China, the people desired security from the barbaric hordes to the north, so they built the great Chinese wall. It was so high they knew no one could climb over it and so thick that nothing could break it down. They settled back to enjoy their security. During the first 100 years of the wall's existence, China was invaded three times. Not once did the barbaric hordes break down the wall or climb over the top. Each time they bribed a gate keeper and then marched right through the gates. The Chinese were so busy relying upon the walls of stone that they forgot to teach integrity to their children.

Today let me share with you, "10 MISTAKES PARENTS MAKE"
Parents blunder when . . .
1. They give a child everything he wants.
2. They laugh at a child when he does or says something wrong.
3. They avoid the words "no" and "wrong."
4. They pick up after their children instead of giving them the responsibility of doing it.
5. They take the side of their children against neighbours, teachers, and other responsible adults.
6. They make every decision for their children.
7. They bail them out of every situation instead of letting them face the consequences of their mistakes.
8. They are over-protective, and do not allow their children to do normal and healthy things.
9. They let their children talk back to them.
10. They criticize others openly in front of their children.

Hodding Carter once said "There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings." It is safer to build the kids before you build the walls of your family.

THE GIFT OF FAMILY (10); FAMILY, GOD'S GREAT GIFT

"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them." - Desmond Tutu

One of the only thing we unconsciously disregard, or hardly have respect for is Family. We put everything or everyone else above them.

There was a huge tree. A little boy loved to play around it everyday. He'd climb to the top, ate the apples, take a nap under the shade. He loved the tree and the tree loved to play with him. Time went by the little boy had grown and he no longer played frequently around the tree. One day, the boy came back to the tree looking sad. ‘Come and play with me’ the tree asked the boy. ‘I am no longer a kid, I do not play around trees any more’ the boy replied. ‘I want toys. I need money to buy them.’ ‘Sorry, but I do not have money but you can pick all my apples and sell them. So, you'll have money.’ The boy was so excited. He grabbed all the apples on the tree and left happily and never came back after he picked the apples. The tree was sad. One day, he returned (after he'd become a man) and the tree was excited ‘Come play with me’ the tree said. ‘I do not have time to play. I have to work for my family. We need a house for shelter. Can you help me?” Sorry, but I do not have any house. But you can chop off my branches to build your house.’ So the man cut all the branches of the tree and left happily. The tree was glad to see him happy but the man never came back. Again he was lonely and sad. One hot summer day, the man returned and the tree was delighted. ‘Come and pay with me!’ the tree said. ‘I am getting old. I want to go sailing to relax myself.

THE GIFT OF FAMILY (9); FAMILY, A CHILD'S BEST SCHOOL

"If a country is to be corruption free and become a nation of beautiful minds, I strongly feel there are three key societal members who can make a difference. They are the father, the mother and the teacher." - Anonymous

The family (home), is the most important place from which a child learns majority of the lessons he needs to face the outside world. Whether they are taught rightly or not it'll reflect in their behaviour when they get out, and this forms a foundation for their views and response to life.

A frail old man went to live with his son, and daughter-in-law, who had a 4 year old grandson. The old man’s hands trembled, his vision was blurry, and his steps uncoordinated. The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather’s shaky hands and poor vision made eating difficult. Grains of food rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he took the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. “We must do something about father,” said the son. “ I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.” So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl! When the family glanced in grandfather’s direction, sometimes he had a tears in his eyes as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, “What are you making son?” Just as sweetly, the boy responded, “Oh, I'm making a little bowl for you and mummy to eat your food in when I grow up.” The four-year-old smiled and went back

THE GIFT OF FAMILY (8); KEYS TO A GOOD SOCIETY

"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them." - Desmond Tutu

It is true that good governance has a very pivotal role in developing a nation, but the keys to nurturing a peaceful, stable, morally upright, and attractive society; that even provide the platform for economic development lies with a special pair within the family referred to as PARENTS. Even though there is an attempt to redefine who parents are, the original intent, God’s idea refers to a MAN and a WOMAN that are married. Parenting is no mean business, it is the foundation of great societies, and no one said it was going to be easy.

Prevention is better than cure, suggests an English study of criminal behaviour, and the key may be simply parenting. The Cambridge Study of Delinquent Development tracked 411 London males from ages 8 to 32. It found that a man was most likely to be convicted of criminal behaviour if he'd experienced the following between the ages of 8 and 11;
1. A broken home,
2. Low family income,
3. Poor housing,
4. Ántisocial parents and siblings, 
5. Poor parental supervision,

THE GIFT OF FAMILY (7); FAMILY, A PERFECT IMPERFECTION

"The love of family and the admiration of friends is much more important than wealth and privilege." - Charles Kuralt

According to a wise man, family is everything. And its very fundamental that a child grows up in an atmosphere where he can really feel; not only the physical presence of his parents but the love between them. This unconsciously makes the child aware of how things are supposed to be done, and when he grows old, he'll have pattern, a prototype to work by.

Here's a story. When I was a kid, my Mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made dinner after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my Mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all dad did was reached for his biscuit, smile at my Mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that biscuit and eat every bite!
When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I’ll never forget what he said: “Honey, I love burned biscuits.” Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, “Your mommy put in a hard day at work today and she’s real tired. And besides – a little burned biscuit never hurt anyone!”

A family is full of imperfect people; we all aren't perfect yet. We're not the best at hardly anything individually just like everyone else, but together we make a perfect blend. Over the years you'll realize that learning to accept each others faults – and choosing to overlook them sometimes  – is one important way to creating a healthy, viable and lasting family relationships. This is the kind of environment a child should grow.

THE GIFT OF FAMILY (6); 7 CHARACTERISTICS OF A FAMILY

“I'll never stop dreaming that one day we can be a real family, together, all of us laughing and talking, loving and understanding, not looking at the past but only to the future.” - LaToya Jackson

Families are who you love. Families are the foundation of society. It's where we come into the world, nurtured and given the tools to go out into the world, capable and healthy. When families break down and fail to provide the healthy nurturing we need, the effects impact not only our own lives, but also our communities. In human context, a family is a group of people affiliated by consanguinity, affinity, or co-residence. In most societies it is the principal institution for the socialization of children. Parents and children make up a family; children are considered the blessing/the gift God give to every family and it is through reproduction that a whole society is made.

It was Martin Travin that described his family, "The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another’s desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together, only a bond of Love could have withstood all this."

Characteristics of a family

Appreciation:

Family members give one another compliments and sincere demonstrations of approval. They try to make the others feel appreciated and good about themselves.

Ability to Deal with Crises in a Positive Manner:

They're willing to take a bad situation, see something positive in it and focus on that together.

Time Together:

In all areas of their lives--meals, work, and recreation, they structure their schedules to spend time together.

THE GIFT OF FAMILY (5); HOME INFLUENCE II

"If a country is to be corruption free and become a nation of beautiful minds, I strongly feel there are three key societal members who can make a difference. They are the father, the mother and the teacher." - Anonymous

As we continue our series on the gift of Family, the importance of a family or a home, not a house like we already know; cannot be overemphasized. That's why Michael J. Fox, a wise man said "Family is not an important thing. It's everything." Have you ever wondered why when you left home the first time you did, you found every other pattern of behaviour outside what you were used to in your family strange and odd, this is simply because the family is the first frontier of moulding perception, character and values.

One of my team members shared an interesting story of how he was raised and I would like to share his experience with you, he said:

"I grew up with my mother and everything I knew about the church and God, she taught me. It was difficult growing up with no father figure around but I'm sure even without a father; with my mum we had a home. I remembered how she used to wake us in the mornings for family devotion; with the sound of her tambourine and her singing and boy; were those times very uncomfortable. Especially on cold mornings when sleeping seemed the only logically reasonable thing to do. I was young and riotous but, my mother a strong and assertive woman who wouldn't take any nonsense from me or any of my other siblings made sure we prayed when we were supposed to. We went to church as supposed. While she did all these, my young mind couldn't comprehend and I used to envy my friends whom I knew didn't have to wake up as early as we did for devotions...but years later, I can look back now and say, "Thank God, for the way I was raised". While in the university, I didn't smoke, party, or get involved with any of the many vices that young people are given to, not because my mum was there to whip my behind, but because there was an internal training working in me. And sometimes my classmates mockingly called me "Pastor", when in actual fact; I wasn't born again at all. I was just living life the way I'd been trained to. But for the upbringing at home I'd have ended up like just about any other child.

Therefore, it is indeed almost a certainty that a child who didn't experience the beauty of a family relationship or one who wasn't trained properly would derail almost too quickly at the slightly pressure or opportunity to do so.

THE GIFT OF FAMILY (4); MOTHERS HELP GOD

"Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own." - Aristotle

A mother made an appointment with her child's pediatrician. She complained that her son had eaten dirt on several occasions. To the doctor, she said, "I've always heard that if a child eats dirt, there is some deficiency. Do you think his dirt-eating indicates a lack of something?" The doctor replied, "Yes—very definitely; a lack of supervision!"

A little boy who had heard from his mother that it was God who made people good, replied, "Yes, I know it is God, but mothers help a lot."

It is a great compliment to a woman to have a great son. I remember an incident that took place at a certain village, which impressed this upon my mind as nothing else could. A young man was to graduate who stood at the head of his class, and received many honours. He was of humble parentage. It had cost quite a good deal of struggle and sacrifice on the part of his parents to keep him at school. When he delivered his graduating speech, his old mother, with her sunbonnet on, sat just in front of him. No sooner had he finished speaking, and received his medal, than he stepped down off the platform, went and placed his arms around his mother's neck, and pinned his medal on her dress. Someone said to her, as they went out of the hall: "I know you are proud of your boy." "Ah, yes," said the young man, "but not half so proud as he is of his mother!"

Back in the day in Africa, our mama's first priority was their family. No mama was so busy pursuing money that they could not invest time in the development of their kids. Why aren't mothers of today just as committed?

THE GIFT OF FAMILY (3); GOD’S GREAT IDEA

"There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort." - Jane Austen

Without doubt God is a masterful designer, His intricate plan of the Universe even to the tiniest detail is a wonder, but in my opinion I think the family unit is one of His greatest inventions. The family, you will discover is a marvel, when closely examined as we will attempt to do in this series. The bounding cords between her members are stronger and more intricate than any form of molecular bond known to science, the roles and functions of her members are multifarious and simultaneously as specific as they can be. Little wonder the devil is in a major onslaught against the family unit, trying to redefine what a family is, messing up the roles and purposes of a family, simply because he knows that every family unit is a great weapon in the hands of God. God always places a trait, a unique character, a gift in the line of every family, something designed to foil the devils agenda and improve society, whether the family realizes or fulfills this mandate or not is another matter.

At the annual family-reunion picnic, a young bride led her husband to be over to an old woman busily crocheting in a rocker. "Granny," she said, touching the old woman's hand affectionately, "this is my husband to be." The woman eyed him critically for a long moment, and then asked abruptly, "Do you desire children?" Startled by her bluntness, the young man blushed and stammered, "Well-uh-yes, I do very much." "Well," she said, looking scornfully at the large tribe gathered around the six picnic tables, "try to control the numbers it runs in the blood!"

Rudyard Kipling once wrote about families, "all of us are we--and everyone else is they." A family shares things like dreams, hopes, possessions, memories, smiles, frowns, and gladness...A family is a clan held together with the glue of love and the cement of mutual respect. A family is shelter from the storm, a friendly port when the waves of life become too wild. No person is ever alone who is a member of a family.

Regardless of your family history, God has made an investment in your family a deposit of grace designed to impact the world, it runs in your blood, discover, develop and deploy it.

THE GIFT OF FAMILY (2); HOME INFLUENCE I

“People who have good relationships at home are more effective in the marketplace” - Zig Ziglar

Show me the home of a boy, and I will prophesy concerning his future without a tremor of uncertainty. Show me a man's home, and I can account for his peculiarities, his cheerfulness, or his despair. A quiet home, on whose altar the flame of love and confidence never goes out, is as close to heaven as mortals can get on this side of the grave. A home which lacks love and confidence breeds germs of misery, which multiply until ruin has done its awful work.

One of the greatest writers and social reformers of medieval England was Charles Dickens. With his exposure novels, such as Oliver Twist, Dickens attacked the working of the poor law of his Victorian Age. Bleak House is another novel of social realism, replete with social analysis and protest. And, with the use of pathos and melodrama Dickens, nevertheless, manages to weave an assessment of the corruption at the heart of Victorian society. Dickens also introduced to many readers the historical novel as well as the detective novel and the thriller, genres that maintain their popularity and widespread appeal to this day.

One historical novel, A Tale of Two Cities was written by Dickens after having read Thomas Carlysle's The French Revolution: A History. Carlysle's study of the oppression of the poor greatly influenced the themes of A Tale of Two Cities in which Dickens draws parallels between France at the time of the Revolution and England. Dickens, of course, was concerned that something like the revolution could occur in his own country. Dickens was enormously successful. He was a real rock star in his day. In addition to everything he accomplished in his life, I think one of his greatest accomplishments is that he was able to write books that still touch us today, and still make us stop and think about the issues he raised.

Charles Dickens once addressed a letter to his son Henry while he was at college, advising him to keep out of debt and confide all his perplexities to his father. The letter concluded as follows: "I most strongly and affectionately impress upon you the priceless value of the New Testament, and the study of that book as the one unfailing guide in life. Deeply respecting it, and bowing down before the character of our Savior, you cannot go very wrong, and will always preserve at heart a true spirit of veneration and humility.

Similarly, I impress upon you the habit of saying a Christian prayer every night and morning. These things have stood by me all through my life, and remember that I tried to render the New Testament intelligible to you and lovable by you when a mere baby. And so God bless you!"

The influence of family in charting the course of destiny can never be overemphasized, little wonder; it was Michael J Fox that said “Family is not an important thing. It's everything”

THE GIFT OF FAMILY 1; A HOUSE ISN’T A HOME

“The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home.” - Confucius

Every house, relationship, organization or nation is as strong as its foundation. Hence the scripture asks "If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do? (Psalm 11:3). The Foundation of any strong nation or organization Is the Home or Family.

According to Wesley L. Gustafson, "The Christian home is the most important institution in the world. That does not minimize the position of the church and state; they also have been ordained of God. But He places the home first—in time as well as in importance. It is the foundation upon which all other institutions are built; upon it the church and state will either stand or fall. What the homes are, the churches and schools are - and the government will be. Every place where there has been a neglect of home or family responsibility, there eventually has been a crumbling of the nation. This accounts for why the family is under very heavy attack in the 21st century."

As we commence this series on The Gift of Family, please help me share with all your family as I see a turnaround coming. Remember, you can have a home without a house but you can't afford to have a house without a home.

A cute little girl was sitting on top of a pile of luggage in a hotel lobby. Her parents were at the desk registering for their room. A sympathetic lady asked the little girl if they were visiting relatives in the city. "Oh, no," the girl replied. "We're going to live at this hotel until we find a house. My Daddy has a new job and we had to sell our house and move." The lady said, "Oh, it's too bad you don't have a home." To which the girl replied, "Oh we 

have a home—it's just that we don't have a house to put it in." And remember always this bombshell from Ogden Stiers; he said “Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.”

THE GIFT OF LEARNING (37): LAST WORDS ON LEARNING

"It doesn't matter which side of the fence you get off on sometimes. What matters most is getting off. You cannot make progress without making decisions." - Jim Rohn

For the past month or more we've been looking at the topic "The Gift of Learning". We have encouraged ourselves to become "unrepentant learners”. But let me close this series on learning with a note of warning, learning is unarguably a must but we must consciously streamline our learning to match our destiny or purpose in life. The Roman philosopher Seneca once said, “If a man knows not what harbour he seeks, every wind is the right wind.”

It always comes down to this question: Where are you going? Where exactly are you heading in life? Because that determines the knowledge you need to get there. Our life direction can slowly change course according to the information we carry with us. For example, do you want to be a professional writer? Then this isn't the time for 10 books on cryogenics to be on your reading list. Or maybe you want to be an estate surveyor—but you are only subscribed to Sports Illustrated.

Boutros Boutros-Ghali, the first African Secretary General of the United Nations, has more than a passing interest in politics. His grandfather, Boutros Ghali, the only Christian prime minister of Egypt, was shot by an assassin in 1910. Cairo crowds hailed his Moslem killer, but the family did not intend anyone to forget the grandfather. They adopted his given name, Boutros (Peter), and anointed the new grandchild with the same given name. The family then built a church in Cairo to honour the martyred patriarch. "On his tomb were the words 'God is witness that I served my country to the best of my ability" says, Boutros-Ghali. "For a boy to grow up with such things creates an impact. I felt I would betray the tradition of our family if I didn't play a political role, I knew my destination even from a very tender age."

Therefore, knowing our life’s purpose helps us focus our learning. Take some time to think through this, and then write it down in a line or a paragraph. For example, “I am a writer who speaks and a speaker who also writes.” Challenge yourself to write out your life’s purpose in just a few sentences. Consider who you are, how God has gifted you, where He is calling you and how you want to be remembered. Make your learning go deep, not wide. Avoid information overload.

GIFT OF LEARNING (37): LIFE FACTS 101 (II)

We learn more by looking for the answer to a question and not finding it than we do from learning the answer itself.” - Lloyd Alexander

Life Facts

“Yesterday we delved into a little bit of some amazing facts to learn about life that we almost completely take for granted; even though some of these facts aren't entirely new. We conclude with considering a couple of more of these "Life Facts".

Here they are;

1. Always choose life, and learn to forgive everyone everything.

2. What other people think of you is none of your business.

3. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

4. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

5. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

6. Believe in miracles and know that, God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

7. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

8. Your children have got only one childhood; make it memorable.

9. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

10. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

11. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

12. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now, and get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

13. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

14. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up - the best is yet to come.

15. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.

16. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

It’s imperative to understand that to be relevant in life; you need to learn to do the usual things you've done almost all your life in unusual ways.

Pump your breaks for a moment. Think, listen, mull over your routine and see if there aren't better ways to do them. Learn, learn & learn some more; learning is the "life blood" of our existence.

THE GIFT OF LEARNING: THE SCHOOL CALLED LIFE

"A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer." - Bruce Lee

Life's School 

Today let's take a different look at the gift of learning. Life is one big institution of learning from which there is no graduation. In the school of life, there is no end to education. It is not that you read a book, pass an examination, and finish with education. The whole of life, from the moment you are born to the moment you die, is a process of learning. Every single day life will offer you courses on various subjects that formal institutions will never teach you e.g, love, marriage, money, anger, forgiveness, family, pain, pleasure, integrity, and so on.

According to Benjamin Franklin, "being ignorant is not so much a shame, as being unwilling to learn". Hence in the school of life "A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer." - Bruce Lee

So it is not what happened to you in life that matters, it is what you learn from what happened to you. He, who learns but does not think, is lost! He who thinks but does not learn is in even a greater danger. According to Tony Robbins "The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you're in control of your life. If you don't, life controls you.

The fun of it is every lesson learnt is inter-connected. For example a training on anger management today will save your marriage from collapsing tomorrow. Friedrich Nietzsche said, "He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying."

The School of Experience is a pretty tough institution. And it's a lot tougher when we fail to learn our lessons. You remember the case of the school principal who protested to his superintendent because he wasn't given a certain promotion. "After all," he said, "I've had twenty-five years' experience." "No, Joe," said the superintendent, "that's where you are wrong. You have had one year's experience twenty-five times!" - Sterling W. Sill

Remember it's the STEPS, not the JUMPS, of a good man that are ordered by God...may we become wiser, one day at a time.