Laws Of Friendship

Wisdom Nugget: "One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

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Friends are the next outer circle of relationships after family members. Unlike family who you did not choose, friends maintain an on-going contact with you because they want to. You go through life's journey together as a family because you all live in the same town and have grown through the years together.

Friendship develops through a common activity - work, school, sports, church, etc. Unless you have a reason to spend time with each other on a regular basis you will never get to know each other well enough. A bonding takes place out of sharing a common experience and seeing how each of you reacts differently to the same circumstances. So what would be the dos and don'ts of good friendship?
Although there are no "exact" rules of friendship, there are some guidelines that can help create more enriching, productive, and long-lasting friendships. Many people treat friendships as if they were somehow less valuable than family or romantic relationships, but actually all friendships have the same capacity to enrich our lives and increase our general happiness. In fact, the good book says "there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother". The rules of friendship are important to being happy whether you seeking a romantic partner or not, and you will be more successful in creating a quality relationship with anyone in your life if you can approach making friends from a position of independence and happiness of your own to start with. However, real friendships are not created by legal, social, or monetary obligations, and instead are usually held together only by mutual interests, respect, love and shared values...Hmmm, did you say SHARED VALUES?

Let me give you a picture of life without shared values or Principles: James Patterson and Peter Kim, in "The Day America Told the Truth", 1991 posted this question: "What are you willing to do for $10,000,000?" Two-thirds of Americans polled would agree to at least one, some to several of the following:
Would abandon their entire family (25%)
Would abandon their church (25%)
Would become prostitutes for a week or more (23%)
Would give up their American citizenships (16%)
Would leave their spouses (16%)
Would withhold testimony and let a murderer go free (10%)
Would kill a stranger (7%)
Would put their children up for adoption (3%)

Compare that to a man of Principle called Daniel: "But Daniel determined that he would not defile himself by eating the king's food or drinking his wine, so he asked the head of the palace staff to exempt him from the royal diet."

Why Some Have No Friends

Wisdom Nugget:  "A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."

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A British publication once offered a prize for the best definition of a friend. Among the thousands of answers received were the following:
"One who multiplies joys, divides grief, and whose honesty is inviolable."
"One who understands our silence."
"A volume of sympathy bound in cloth."
"A watch that beats true for all time and never runs down."

The winning definition read: "A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out."
Looking at the above definitions I am sure you already have an idea why some people don't have friends. Our text says "A man that has friends must show himself friendly..."

Friendship is like a mirror, it reflects back to you what you give to it. Before you accuse others of not being friendly, are you friendly yourself? If you notice your neighbours have not been greeting you lately, ask yourself, "Have I been greeting them lately ?"

 If because of your problems, your face always looks like the Book of Lamentations then you will hope for friends for a long time.
During his days as President, Thomas Jefferson and a group of companions were traveling across the country on horseback. They came to a river which had overflowed its banks because of a recent downpour. The swollen river had washed the bridge away. Each rider was forced to ford the river on horseback, fighting for his life against the rapid currents. The very real possibility of death threatened each rider, which caused a traveler who was not part of their group to step aside and watch. After several had plunged in and made it to the other side, the stranger asked President Jefferson if he would ferry him across the river. The president agreed without hesitation. The man climbed on, and shortly thereafter the two of them made it safely to the other side. As the stranger slid off the back of the saddle onto dry ground, one in the group asked him, "Tell me, why did you select the president to ask this favor of?" The man was shocked, admitting he had no idea it was the president who had helped him. "All I know," he said, "Is that on some of your faces was written the answer 'No,' and on some of them was the answer 'yes.' His was a 'Yes' face."

Please get friendly with someone; we all need somebody. There is no need practicing "ALONENESS" today. There will be plenty of time for that when one day we are finally trapped in our own little coffin, 6 feet below the earth. Lets enjoy the gift of friendship whilst we can.

 Remember "Friends are like good health; you don't realize what a gift they are until you lose them."

THE GIFT OF FRIENDSHIP

Wisdom Nugget:  "A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."

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One of the greatest gifts given to mankind is, The Gift of Friends. We are all products of relationships and as the popular sage goes, "No man is an Island". You cannot be friends with everybody but you must be a friend to somebody. 

Rodney Dangerfield wrote: "Once I told my old man, 'Nobody likes me.' He said, 'Don't say that - everybody hasn't met you yet."

Leonard Syme, a professor of epidemiology at the University of California at Berkeley, indicates the importance of social ties and social support systems in relationship to mortality and disease rates. He points to Japan as being number one in the world with respect to health and then discusses the close social, cultural, and traditional ties in that country as the reason. He believes that the more social ties, the better the health and the lower the death rate. Conversely, he indicates that the more isolated the person, the poorer the health and the higher the chances of dying. Social ties are good preventative medicines for physical problems and for mental-emotional-behavior problems.

Who therefore is a friend? Friends are people with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can be naked with them. They ask you to put on nothing, only to be what you are. They do not want you to be better or worse. When you are with them, you feel as a prisoner feels who has been declared innocent. You do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think, as long as it is genuinely you. Friends understand those contradictions in your nature that lead others to misjudge you. With them you breathe freely. You can avow your little vanities and envies and hates and vicious sparks, your meannesses and absurdities, and in opening them up to friends, they are lost, dissolved on the white ocean of their loyalty. They understand. You do not have to be careful. You can abuse them, neglect them, tolerate them. Best of all, you can keep still with them. It makes no matter. They like you. They are like fire that purges to the bone. They understand. You can weep with them, sing with them, laugh with them, pray with them. Through it all - and underneath - they see, know, and love you. A friend? What is a friend? Just one, I repeat, with whom you dare to be yourself. (C. Raymond Beran, in Bits & Pieces, September 19, 1991, p. 3-4.)

George Eliot said "Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts, nor measure words, but to pour them all out just as they are, chaff and grain together knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with the breath of kindness blow the rest away."

Friendship is reciprocal and you will find a true friend more useful to you in life than your biological brother.

Two men were out hunting in Northern U.S.A. Suddenly one yelled and the other looked up to see a grizzly charging at  them. The first started to frantically put on his tennis shoes and his friend anxiously asked, "What are you doing? Don't you know you can't outrun a grizzly bear?" "I don't have to outrun a grizzly bear. I just have to outrun you".

Your Work Is Your Life

Wisdom Nuggets: "Without work, all life goes rotten. But when work is soulless, life stifles and dies."
                                                                                                                      - Albert Camus

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The sign in the store window read: NO HELP WANTED. As two men passed by, one said to the other, "You should apply - you'd be great."

Cynthia Spence in Homemade, May, 1989 wrote "One researcher has estimated that 50-80% of working Americans are in a job that does not match their abilities and is therefore unfulfilling. That may well be the force behind the statistic that the average worker will change careers two or three times before retirement." If you work 8 to 9 hours daily then 37.5% of your life is spent on that job. And you had better love what you are doing or else your life is already a living hell. Your entire life is calibrated in TIME. When therefore you give 37.5% of your day to a job you are giving it 37.5 % of your life. Every morning as you dress to go to work don't be fooled, this is not a dress rehearsal, this is your life going and nobody but you has the awesome power to make it a living hell or a blissful heaven.

My almighty slogan in my training programs for cooperate executives is, "Either you do what you love or love what you do. Or simply quit!"

I discovered something from my Physical Exercise classes. I hate jogging but I enjoy long quick walks. I dread aerobics but I need it so I do it to be alive. The only exercise that comes natural to me is swimming. For some reasons, I never miss an opportunity to swim, whether I'm home or abroad, but I find myself always forgetting that I have an aerobic class. Because I enjoy swimming, the fun in it has taken away the work in it. Let me recommend the same principle for your job.

Notice when Adam got a job in Eden, he was happy. Eden means pleasure or delight.  Everyone was made to work in their various Edens, i.e. the job that gives the utmost pleasure and delight. It takes the work out of it and occupies you with the fun in it. Interestingly, the most successful people the world over know this is the first principle of success.

Albert Camus said "Without work, all life goes rotten. But when work is soulless, life stifles and dies." And finally  Khalil Gibran posted "Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy."

Love What You Do?

Wisdom nuggets: Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.

                                                                                                            - Confucius

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About six years ago, I was speaking at a luncheon held in the civic auditorium of a city in Oklahoma. I settled myself at my place at the head table. I picked up my fork and noticed that two rose-petaled radishes adorned my salad plate. The radish is an edible root vegetable of the Brassicaceae family, which was domesticated in Europe, in pre-Roman times. They are grown and consumed throughout the world. Someone had taken the time to pretty up two radishes, just for me. Then I noticed that each salad at the head table had two neatly curled radishes. I turned to the lady sitting to my right. "I'm impressed by the radishes" I said.
 "You're impressed by what?" she asked.
"The radishes" I said. "Look, each salad plate at our table has curled radishes."
"Yes," she said, exercising a questioning smile. "They're pretty."
"They're more than pretty," I said. "Someone took special care to do these" "Don't they all have them?" she asked, gazing out at the tables.
I looked and was astonished. Each salad plate was adorned with two curled radishes! "They are curled! That took a lot of time!" "I'm not on the planning committee, but Gertrude is," she replied. She turned to get the attention of Gertrude, three chairs down. "Mrs. George wants to ask you something about the radishes," she whispered.
"The what?" Gertrude mouthed
 "The RA- DI-SHES!" "Is there something wrong with your radishes?" she asked. "No. They are fine. I just thought it was nice to have them all curled."
"Oh, Marietta does those."
 "All of them?" I knew the head count in the room and was astonished. "That's almost eight hundred radishes!"
"Yes, but Marietta wants to do it. Would you like to meet her? She's in the kitchen." So Gertrude and I went into the kitchen, and there we met Marietta, the lady of the radishes.
"Gertrude tells me you curled all those radishes. They're lovely. Each salad looks so...festive."
"I don't mind doing it. It just takes time," Marietta replied.

 I didn't know what more to say so I left.  Later, I spoke, and there was an encouraging response. Afterward, ladies scurried past me with murmured greetings, and a few lingered to speak of God in their lives. When we finished, it was raining heavily so we hurried across the parking lot to the car. Through the rain, I could see a lady, carrying a large polka-dot umbrella that had collapsed on one side waiting by our car. It was Marietta! She was smiling as though we had found her on a sunny day in an especially delightful garden.

 "I had to see you. I heard your speech. It was good!" she said. "I have to go home now." I slipped inside the car. Marietta crouched down close to the window and called to me, "Just remember this. You keep telling people about Jesus, and I'll keep curling the radishes." The rain and my tears splattered the picture of her face as we started to back out of the driveway. Ah, dear Marietta, I haven't forgotten. We are to do our jobs in the love of him who does all things well. LOVE WHAT YOU DO
-Jeanette Clift George, Travel Tips From A Reluctant Traveler, 1987.