How Priceless Are Your Friendships?

"D" Is For Dear:
Wisdom Nugget: "A single rose can be my garden...a single friend, my world"
                                                                             - Leo Buscaglia

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David and Jonathan were two great friends, and their relationship is one we are all familiar with. Jonathan loved David as himself. It was quite evident to all how dear they were to each other. People who are fond of each other share lots of things in common. There is usually an overflow of joy when we know there's someone who is near and dear to our heart. Although, that feeling of joy is sometimes taken away by the physical absence of the friend. But physical absence doesn't mean that our friend is emotionally unavailable. We can be thousands of miles away from a friend and still remain dear to them.

Friendship is also not dependent on class or ethnicity. What matters is that you both share a positive interest and truly love each other. That's all it takes to make a friend dear! Consider this in the following story:
As a part of an assignment for a doctoral thesis, a college student spent a year with a group of Navajo Indians on a reservation in the Southwest. As part of his research he lived with one of the Navajo families, sleeping in their hut, eating their food, working with them, & generally living the life of a 20th-century Indian.

The old grandmother of the family spoke no English at all, yet a very close friendship formed between them. They spent a great deal of time sharing a friendship that was meaningful to each, yet unexplainable to anyone else. In spite of the language difference, they shared the common language of love & understood each other. Over the months he learned a few phrases of Navajo, & she picked up a little of the English language.

When it was time for him to return to the campus to complete his thesis, the tribe held a going-away celebration. It was marked by sadness since the young man had become close to the whole village & all would miss him. As he prepared to leave, the old grandmother came to bid him good-bye. With tears streaming down her cheeks, she placed her hands on either side of his face, looked directly into his eyes & said, "I like me best when I'm with you."

Despite the language barrier, the college student was able to make friends who became dear to him and vice versa. All he did was make an impact in their lives so much that it was hard for them to let go when it was time for him to leave. What impact do you leave on your friends? Does out of sight mean out of mind for you? Do you take and take and not give back? Then you are building friendships that are sure to crumble. To build friendships that will remain dear, you have to reciprocate the love your friends shower on you. Distance may be a physical barrier sometimes but that special place still stays green. Keep in touch with those who are dear to you and always let them know how great a company they are. 

R- RESPECT. FRIENDSHIP IS RESPECT

Wisdom Nugget:A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

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The story is told of a father of five who came home with a toy; he summoned his children and asked which one should be given the present. "Who is the most obedient, never talks back to mom and does everything he or she is told to do?" He inquired. There was silence, and then a chorus of voices: "You can play with it daddy!"

Respect is a fast disappearing culture in this century even amongst families. And  it is worse amongst friends . It was  Charles de Gaulle who said, “There can be no prestige without mystery, for familiarity breeds contempt.”

One of the top 3 destroyers of friendships anywhere in the world is the Lack of Respect arising from over-familiarity.  Jason Zebehazy wrote, " Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and familiarity breeds contempt. According to this my soulmate should be in Thailand.”

Unfortunately, our friends are not in Thailand or a hundred seas away . In fact, most of our friends are very close-by, and before you know it, we begin to take each other for granted. Gradually we begin to erode the boundaries that defined the relationship in the first place (for EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS DEFINED BY BOUNDARIES) and once that happens, the relationship begins to suffer.

For instance, Anna messes up Anita's room and does not bother to fix it. She uses the toilet and does not bother to clean it, wears Anita's clothes and jewelries without permission, intrudes into her privacy at will, borrows from her and does not return or pay back. Sometimes, Anna makes promises with no intention of keeping them; she does not keep appointments and completely disregards and abuses her time.  Problem is, most often, we do not value our friends until we loose them. Never take your friends for granted. They are your greatest wealth.

Frankly, if you want to keep your friends then "show yourself friendly". Respect and honour your friends. Look at what you've got and make the best of it. It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.

Richard David Bach said "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life.” One Persian Proverb says “He who wants a rose must respect the thorn.” And Nelson Mandela concludes “For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.”

R Is For Reliability

Wisdom Nugget: "Reliable friends who do what they say are like cool drinks in sweltering heat - refreshing!"

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In the real world, there is no such thing as a self-sufficient, super-capable superman, who tied his own boot strap and succeeded by his own personal efforts. We all need someone to succeed. We all need someone to lend us his shoulder for us to climb to our next level. It is called affirmation. No great man could succeed without it. It always takes the affirmation of another great man.

 When was the last time a friend got a job, passed an exam, secured a favour, got a break through or survived a difficult time in life because of you. As Arnold H. Glasow puts it, "A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down" Can you keep the secrets of a friend especially after you ceased being friends? Unfortunately in life "The shifts of fortune test the reliability of friends." It was Ralph Waldo Emerson who said "When friendships are real, they are not glass threads or frost work, but the solidest things we can know."

The truth, is that "Reliable people are so rare in this world."

When Jan Paderewski was to leave his native Poland to play his first recital in London, he asked an influential compatriot to give him a letter of introduction to a leading figure in Britain's musical world, who might be of assistance should anything go amiss. The letter was handed to him in a sealed envelope. He hoped that everything would proceed smoothly and he would not have to use it. He did not; his debut was a success and no snags developed. Some years later, while going through his papers, he came upon the letter and opened it. It read: "This will introduce Jan Paderewski, who plays the piano, for which he demonstrates no conspicuous talent."

"A doubtful friend is worse than a certain enemy. Let a man be one thing or the other, and we then know how to meet him." - Aesop.

Laws Of Friendship

Wisdom Nugget: "One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

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Friends are the next outer circle of relationships after family members. Unlike family who you did not choose, friends maintain an on-going contact with you because they want to. You go through life's journey together as a family because you all live in the same town and have grown through the years together.

Friendship develops through a common activity - work, school, sports, church, etc. Unless you have a reason to spend time with each other on a regular basis you will never get to know each other well enough. A bonding takes place out of sharing a common experience and seeing how each of you reacts differently to the same circumstances. So what would be the dos and don'ts of good friendship?
Although there are no "exact" rules of friendship, there are some guidelines that can help create more enriching, productive, and long-lasting friendships. Many people treat friendships as if they were somehow less valuable than family or romantic relationships, but actually all friendships have the same capacity to enrich our lives and increase our general happiness. In fact, the good book says "there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother". The rules of friendship are important to being happy whether you seeking a romantic partner or not, and you will be more successful in creating a quality relationship with anyone in your life if you can approach making friends from a position of independence and happiness of your own to start with. However, real friendships are not created by legal, social, or monetary obligations, and instead are usually held together only by mutual interests, respect, love and shared values...Hmmm, did you say SHARED VALUES?

Let me give you a picture of life without shared values or Principles: James Patterson and Peter Kim, in "The Day America Told the Truth", 1991 posted this question: "What are you willing to do for $10,000,000?" Two-thirds of Americans polled would agree to at least one, some to several of the following:
Would abandon their entire family (25%)
Would abandon their church (25%)
Would become prostitutes for a week or more (23%)
Would give up their American citizenships (16%)
Would leave their spouses (16%)
Would withhold testimony and let a murderer go free (10%)
Would kill a stranger (7%)
Would put their children up for adoption (3%)

Compare that to a man of Principle called Daniel: "But Daniel determined that he would not defile himself by eating the king's food or drinking his wine, so he asked the head of the palace staff to exempt him from the royal diet."

Cultivating Friendships

Wisdom Nugget: "Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?"

Friendship

Friendship is a powerful aspect of the human existence.  No man is poor who has friends, and no man is rich who does not have friends.  But, of course the meaning of friendship may differ from person to person and culture to culture.  In recent times, people are moving towards social isolation. People now work from their homes; most people shop online; others have their goods delivered at their doors. We now bank online and get enough entertainment on cable. We no longer create opportunities to cultivate social skills; people now live in loneliness and emptiness. But the truth is we are created for friendships. As the popular sage goes, "No man is an island".

A man came home to find his house in disarray, he proceeded to the bedroom to find his wife frantically pulling drawers and throwing things all over the room. "What's going on honey?" he asked "I can't find it," she replied. "Can't find what?" the confused husband asked but the woman didn't reply. She kept on throwing things around. The man walked over to her and gripped her shoulders. "Look at me. Look at me." The woman burst into tears. "Calm down. Take a deep breath, breathe". The woman stopped sobbing and looked into her husband's eyes. "What are you looking for?" he asks calmly. "I can't send holiday greetings to our friends," she said amidst sobs. "Why not? Don't you do that every year?" the husband asked. "No, not that," the wife said in frustration. "I can't find the card list" "the card list?" the still confused husband asks "I don't know who our friends are without it. Do you?" The man looked away thoughtfully and took a beep breath, "well then, send to only our parents, at least we remember who they are."

This might seem funny, but this is what friendship has been reduced to for most people: a name on a list that gets contacted out of tradition once a year.

The sad part is that the people who manage to make friendships are superficial and shallow. We have become too busy to keep true friendships.

 Jeremy Taylor once said, "by friendship you mean the greatest love, the greatest usefulness, the most open communication, the noblest sufferings, the severest truth, the heartiest counsel, and the greatest union of minds of which brave men and women are capable." There's something very powerful about friendships; they not to be taken lightly.

The quoted writer considers those things in life  lasting value, and those things that are passing, empty, or vain.  He makes a list of vain things.  He lists pleasures, money, fame, and many other things, which in the end, are empty and void of lasting value and meaning.  In the end, he lists very few things that are not vain. These are very few things, which have lasting value and benefit.  But one of those things which he sees as having lasting value is friendship. Someone once said that, "the fabric of friendship never gets worn out."

The value of true friendship is everlasting. It's not just calling on them only when in need but also being there for them when they need you. It's not just staying when others stay, but also staying when others leave. It's not just saying what they want to hear but also saying what they don't want to hear.

Keep friends and be loyal to them. Don't die in isolation. We all need friends!

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