When To End A Friendship

Wisdom Nugget: "Do not be deceived; bad company ruins good morals."

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A "FRIEND" is defined as; one attached to another by esteem; or "one that is not hostile" It can also be defined as "one that promotes."

Hear Albert Schweitzer, "In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit."

From the little definition and quote about who a friend is above we can quickly deduce that "FRIENDSHIP" is supposed to be a venture of profits only...but from our discussions so far on this subject matter we realize that this isn't always the case and as a result we need to know when to call it quits in a relationship, because friendships can become very toxic and detrimental to our overall existence. The story below illustrates this kind of friendship.

"When I first met her, she had just gone through an ugly break up and had moved out of her boyfriend's home and into an apartment of her own. She had a part time job, a twelve-year-old daughter, and was in financial hell.

She couldn't make ends meet and since she was home schooling her child, was unable to work full time. Even though I wasn't exactly rolling in the dough, I always put a little aside to help her out...I handed her a few dollars for gas or food. I would spend countless hours, listening to her problems, her chaos, her drama. I'd give her unsolicited, but good advice just the same. I invited her over for dinners and to lunches. I took her daughter clothes shopping sometimes.

I felt like she was drowning and I was her only lifesaver. I felt like I had to fix her or, at the very least, be a supportive force in her life. I wanted to see her get back on her feet.

During our six year friendship, she bounced from relationship to relationship, some real and some developed and short-lived on the internet. Eventually, she found a complete loser to fall deeply in love with and each time he cheated on or ignored her, I was there to pick up the pieces.
And then she'd go back to him. I somehow felt responsible for her. Like life had dealt her a bad hand and it was my job to shuffle the deck and deal her a better one. It became stressful to spend time with her. It was emotionally draining and I began to dread her phone calls.

My positive energy was being sucked out by her negativity. No matter how hard I tried to help her, she always had excuses and a big cloud of gloom and doom over her head. I started to feel that gloom and doom. It's as though it was contagious. She was a sinking ship and she was literally dragging me down with her.

I knew I had to cut the strings and over time I began to wean her off of me. Less phone calls, less availability, and, as luck would have it, I moved across the state a few months (later), which made it impossible for us to get together and (gradually) I noticed that the less we spoke, the better I felt. Life suddenly looked brighter and I had a new found sense of freedom. I felt the toxins of a poisonous friendship leaving my body.

When it gets to this point in your relationships, the only wise thing to do is back out, while you still have your sanity in place, for we have heard the wise saying: "wisdom is profitable to direct.".