THE GIFT OF FAMILY (39): FAMILY TIME BENEFITS

"Of all our social institutions, the family is perhaps the one with which we are most familiar. As we proceed through our lives, our experiences within the family give rise to some of our strongest and most intense feelings. Within the family context lies a paradox, however: although most of us hope for love and support within the family -- a haven in a heartless world, so to speak -- the family can also be a place of violence and abuse." - Marylin Poole

Tis the season to gather those you love and soak up the quality time together. We should do this all year round - even research shows that spending time with loved ones is good for health. The benefits are numerous. From decreasing loneliness to thrashing stress levels, from helping with quitting "bad" habits to making a difference in healthy eating habits. Find out some reasons why it's healthy to spend time with people you love.

1. Creating a stronger emotional bond between parents and children.

2. Allows for better communication between family members.

3. Promotes superior performances in school, as children who spend time communicating with their parents tend to get better grades.

4. These children are less likely to exhibit behavioural problems, since kids with parents who spend quality family time together typically have fewer problem behaviours.

Dealing With Physical Abuse

Wisdom nuggets: Anyone entrusted with power will abuse it if not also animated with the love of truth and virtue, no matter whether he be a prince, or one of the people.
                                                                                                          - Jean de La Fontaine

 

Source: Photopin

Physical abuse is an act of another party involving contact intended to cause feelings of physical pain, injury, or other physical suffering or bodily harm. Physical abuse is often the most visible form of abuse. This kind of abuse involves beating, hitting, shaking, burning, choking, cutting, throwing, whipping, and other actions that cause physical pain to the victim. Physical abuse will often leave scars or bruises on the body which can be very embarrassing for the victim. This kind of abuse is more common than most people realize. People are being abused in their offices by their bosses, at school by bullies, in the hospitals by health workers, at home by spouses, parents and siblings. Most people physically-abused people keep quiet about their experience and think it's their fault. They hide their bruises and tell lies to cover for their perpetrators. Wives want to remain married for their kids and tell no one about their torture; employees are scared to lose their jobs and keep receiving the torture every day. It's a sad thing really. Some end up killed and only then are their stories revealed.

Here's a true life story as told by Gertrude: "I've been physically struck 3 times at my workplace; once by a cashier and twice by a manager. Yet my store manager did nothing about it. They always talk about me and even to customers calling me names. I want to quit but the pay is good and I really need the money. I want to file a lawsuit but I really don't have much evidence. I'm good at my job, I don't gossip. I don't steal, I try to respect customers and I try not to have non-constructive discussions while on the clock. It's becoming worse daily, I feel very terrible at work and I don't enjoy my work anymore."
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Physical abuse can range from mild actions such as slapping, like Gertrude is being abused at work to severe ones such as the breaking of bones.

Another woman tells her story: "he broke into my house. He was breaking my fingers, to take my daughter out of my arms, that was his way to control me & my other daughter was upstairs. It was late at night and he was going to take her from me because I had taken the children out for dinner, and he didn't know where I was..."

 If you're an employee and you're being slapped by your boss; then he's physically abusing you. You either quit or you file a complaint. Don't be like Gertrude and be miserable at work. It'll start affecting your self-esteem eventually. Your boss has no right to make you feel like that. If you're a wife and you're being abused, run to counsellor or your pastor for help. Don't wait till you end up in a morgue. You can help him get help. Keeping it a secret will not help you neither will it help your perpetuator. If your abuser doesn't get psychological help, then they'll find another victim to abuse.

If you're an abuser, remember that you have an obligation to treat people around you in kindness. Instead of hitting, there are better ways to settle a quarrel. Husbands why hit your wives? Health workers why abuse the patients you swore to care for. As adults why do you abuse the people in your care? Don't forget that in anger, you could do something you'd regret for the rest of your life. You could be locked behind bars & lose your prestige in society.

Prince Pritchett once said, "Change always comes bearing gifts" You'll see the richness change brings if you change. You'd begin to have real relationships with the people you abuse. People will respect you better & you'll become emotionally relaxed. Change always bears gift my friend embrace it & change from your ways.

On Substance Abuse

Wisdom Nugget: Woe to those who rise early in the morning that they may run after strong drink, who tarry late into the evening as wine inflames them"

Photo credit: Source

"Drugs are merely the most obvious form of addiction in our society. Drug addiction is one of the things that undermines traditional values" - Christopher Lasch

People abuse substances such as alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs for varied and complicated reasons, but it is clear that our society pays a significant cost. "Drug addiction destroys lives, tears apart families and harms society."

The source of this quote is unknown but the message it carries is confirmed in our hospitals and emergency departments both through direct damage to health by substance abuse and its link to physical trauma. Families are also torn apart because one or some members of the family got into drug addiction. Abused substances produce some form of intoxication that alters judgment, perception, attention, or physical control.

Most people start doing drugs because they are in pain or going through something terrible in their homes or at their workplaces. But I wonder how that brings relief. Can you find relief in puking your guts out? Is sleeping in the gutter a relief? Is becoming incoherent a relief? Is getting sexually abused a relief? Can you get relief from lying on a hospital bed or in a morgue? Does intoxicating yourself in the bid to forget not make it worse? You will still become sober and remember everything and then what will happen next, get intoxicated again? You even complicate matters because not only do you have to worry about whatever it is you're going through, you now also have to worry about buying the substance, making sure you have enough stashed and a lot that comes with it. Some other people do drugs just out of pleasure. But what is the pleasure? They become socially withdrawn; as a matter of fact the only people they begin to associate with are abusers like themselves. Their life generally deteriorates; they may lose their jobs, status, prestige, friends, and even family. Where then is the pleasure in any of those?

Vincent said "I started with the weed, then the pills and acid, making cocktails of all sorts of drugs, even overdosing to make the rushes last longer. I took copious amounts of these chemicals every day for as long as two years until I had a bad trip one night and went into toxic psychosis. I prayed and cried for this feeling to go away; I had voices in my head, had the shakes and couldn't leave home for six months. I became very withdrawn and thought everyone was watching me. I couldn't walk in public places. Man! I couldn't even drive. I ended up homeless and on the streets, living and sleeping in a cardboard box, begging and struggling to find ways to get my next meal. I asked myself if this is rock bottom, and I believe that it was. While observing these homeless people I decided that I had had enough. Yes I wanted drugs, but I realized that I could want life more." Vincent had a breakthrough and realized that life was more important to him and decided to live it. He was lucky to have survived the ordeal. Others have had it worse and didn't make it through. But if you're into substance abuse like Vincent was, you can make it through. All you have to do is make up your mind to walk away from it and seek medical help and counseling for withdrawal. Trust me you're better off without it.

As a sage once said, "Woe to those who rise early in the morning that they may run after strong drink, who tarry late into the evening as wine inflames them!" No matter how bad it is, look within, there's something to be happy about, if you find nothing, be happy that you're still alive today and let it motivate you to want to live. Stay away from the substance; do not let it inflame you. Keep your family, friends, loved ones and most importantly keep God close to you and you'll go through anything without having to damage your health or life.

Dealing With Child Neglect

Wisdom Nugget: "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.."

Source: Photopin

Neglect occurs when children are not provided with the basic needs of life. Neglect is a type of maltreatment that refers to the failure of parents or guardians to provide care even though they are financially able or have other means to do so. A child is also considered abandoned when the parent's identity or whereabouts are unknown; the child has been left alone in circumstances where the child suffers serious harm, or the parent has failed to maintain contact with the child or provide reasonable support for a specified period of time.

Neglect is different from other forms of abuse. Where in other forms of abuse a parent or guardian does something he/she is not supposed to do, in neglect the parent or guardian fails to do what he/she is supposed to do. Some of the signs that may indicate a child is being neglected include: untidiness, appearing sickly, frequently ill, looking sad and withdrawn from others. Other signs are: performing poorly in school, feeling out of place among friends and other people.

For more than two years, Willie Robinson's health deteriorated, family members tried to discuss the situation with his parents; Monica Hussing and William Robinson Sr., but the couple never got their son treatment. One relative claimed the glands in his neck swelled to the size of a softball. Hussing's sister said the child suffered for twenty-nine months and the parents did nothing even though they could have done something. The child collapsed and died at the age of 8 from Hodgkin lumphoma (a highly treatable cancer that was not diagnosed until his autopsy). In the days before his death, his mother treated him with cold medicine. Willie had begged to be taken to a doctor and at least eight family members had confronted that they should take the child to the hospital. The parents were sentenced to eight years in prison. (Culled from http://www.newser.com). I know what you're thinking. Unbelievable right? But this is a true life story; happened in Florida. Children are dying everyday out of child neglect in extreme cases, some are having their future marred by the neglidence of their own parents.

These days everyone  is money conscious, so money conscious that children look up to the maids and housekeepers as parents because their parents come back late in the evening and even when they do, lock themselves in their rooms in the name of 'resting'. Some keep their babies in daycare (crèche)  till late in the evening. It's amazing! Most parents don't know what's going on with their children both educationally, psychologically, emotionally and even medically. Some have dying children right under their noses without knowing it. And I ask, who are they working for? If you cannot give your own children attention and make sure they grow up okay, who are you then struggling for? Don't get me wrong I'm not against working hard, I'm not asking you to quit your 8-5 jobs and sit home with your children, I'm simply saying that you make out time for them.

Plan your weekends in such a way that the children are involved. Spend time with them, take them out. Plan vacations at least once a year to get away with your family if you can afford it. Find out about how they're doing in school, look into their school books, and pay attention to their health. I know it's not easy to do all these even with your job but it's your responsibility as parent. You have got to look out for these kids. If you have a baby that requires closer attention, then the parents should reach a compromise and either one of them has to come home early at least until the baby is older and can be left with a nanny for longer periods. We have been  instructed to "train up a child." not "drag on a child" because that's what most of us do. We just drag them on, anyhow without looking back.

  John Fitzgerald Kennedy said "A Child educated wrongly is a child lost". Educate these children rightly, not just about school work but also educate them about everyday living. There are some things a teacher or nanny will not teach your children but only you can.

DEALING WITH CHILD EMOTIONAL ABUSE

Wisdom Nugget: "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction..."

Source: Photopin

Emotional abuse can be detrimental to a child's behavioural development. You are wondering how? Ok, let's take a look at what emotional abuse is - Emotional abuse of a child also referred to as psychological maltreatment is commonly defined as a pattern of behaviour by parents or guardians that can seriously interfere with a child's emotional, psychological or social development. Don't confuse it with physical abuse; emotional abuse is different from physical abuse, as there are no physical injuries or bodily harm. Therefore, people often do not realize or recognize this type of abuse.

Children that suffer from emotional abuse lack self-confidence. They have feelings of being unworthy, unwanted, and unloved. They may respond to this in one of two ways: They may become aggressive and hostile, with many behavioural problems, or they might turn their anger inward and become depressed, withdrawn, and even consider suicide. Children who are emotionally abused usually do not feel free to be in the company of others and may perform poorly at school. Some ways by which people can abuse children emotionally include:

Ignoring: By deliberately not speaking to the child or deliberately not calling the child by their name or calling the child abusive names.

Rejecting: By refusing to treat a child nicely, or an active refusal to respond to a child's needs.
Isolating: By preventing the child from having normal social interactions with peers, family members and adults.

Exploiting or corrupting: By teaching the child, encouraging or forcing a child to develop inappropriate or illegal behaviors.

Verbally Assaulting: By constantly belittling, shaming, ridiculing or verbally threatening the child.
Terrorizing: By threatening or bullying the child to create a climate a fear for them by placing them in a dangerous or chaotic situation or by placing them in rigid or unrealistic expectations on the child with threats of harm if not met.

Neglecting: By failing or refusing to give a child educational services, mental or health attention.
Jennifer  wrote; I am in my early teens and my dad yells at me, swears at me, constantly tells me there is something wrong with me and I am not good enough. He puts me down, wrecks my self esteem, tells me I have "psychological leprosy" and "compulsive shyness disorder", and tells all his friends that I am an ungrateful daughter. Then he stops talking to me totally sometimes and treats me like I'm not there. He acts like he is the victim. I never talk back or anything, but he acts like I am the one doing wrong. This has been going on all my life, he is controlling and oppressive and I am falling into depression because of this. I hope someday I will escape this.

Its imperative for us to bring up our children with the instructions that can instil the right mindset in them. We must not deny our children the love and care that they deserve or to speak to them abusively.

Why then will you find it in your heart to treat children like slaves when you ought to do otherwise?

"Anyone entrusted with power will abuse it if not also animated with the love of truth and virtue, no matter whether he be a prince, or one of the people." - Jean de La Fontaine. It is easy to overcome abusing your children emotionally or the people around you. It's simple - love them, appreciate them, praise them, tell them you love them but don't curse them when they do wrong, correct them lovingly.

Putting them down will drive them away.

DEALING WITH CHILD LABOUR

Wisdom Nugget:
"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law..."

Source: Photopin

"Child labor and poverty are inevitably bound together and if you continue to use the labor of children as the treatment for the social disease of poverty, you will have both poverty and child labor to the end of time"  - Grace Abbott

In many African countries children are traditionally supposed to do some work for the family such as cooking, collecting firewood, helping  to look after younger brothers or sisters, and herding cattle.
That's not the abuse per say, the abuse according to The United Nations Children's Emergency Fund (UNICEF)  occurs when a child is given more work than the child can do considering his/her age and if the work can cause harm to the child. Child labour happens when the child is treated unfairly so as to make money out of him/her. Child labour includes: Forcing an underaged child to work full time, paying less than an adult gets paid for the same work, putting too much responsibility on a child, forcing a child to work/live on the streets.
Child labour usually causes serious harm to children's physical, psychological, and mental health.

Twelve-year-old Alejandra is woken up at four in the morning by her father, Don José. She does not go to school, but goes to collect curiles, small molluscs in the mangrove swamps on the island of Espiritu Santo in Usulutan, El Salvador. Alejandra is not given breakfast as she's sent out too early so she can complete 14 hour work before nightfall so she leaves without breakfast. Instead the things she needs for effective work are handed over to her; these items include about a dozen cigars and at least four pills to keep her from falling asleep. A good part of the money that she earns goes to buy these things. In the mangrove swamp without shoes, Alejandra has to face bad weather, mosquito bites and cuts and scrapes from having to pull the curiles out from deep in the mud. The cigars help to repel the mosquitoes, but when she runs out of cigars Alejandra has to put up with the insects as she moves from branch to branch and from one area to another in search of shells. When she returns from work, her body is nearly always covered with bites. She earns very little. If she is lucky in one day Alejandra manages to collect two baskets of curiles (150 shells), worth little more than 12 colones, or $1.40. Alejandra, who has seven younger brothers and sisters, has no time to go to school or play with other children.

The narration above is a typical case of child labor, that the child willingly does it does not make it less of an abuse. Parents should be taking care of their children when they're underage. Not the other way round. Don't get me wrong, I am not advocating that children shouldn't do anything to help, but not by giving them more than they can (and/or should) bear. Not subjecting them to harsh weather conditions or dangerous situations. Do you know how many children go into a compound to sell wares to the occupants and never come out the same? Do you know how many children go missing everyday because they strayed into the wrong environment? Do you not know that a car can knock down your child while he/she is trying to hawk? What about the health detriments of putting these kids in these conditions. Be wise. Yes, let them help you but with a sense of putting their safety first! You will be judged if you do not do your best to care for these children.

It is the parent's responsibility to manage the home not the child's. And parents must carry out their duties with utmost respect. What respect do you command when you enslave your children? Instead you cast an unforgettable shadow on yourself. Herbert Ward puts it this way; "child abuse casts a shadow the length of a life time". Be wise your children are not donkeys, they're humans.

DEALING WITH CHILD (PHYSICAL) ABUSE

Wisdom Nuggets: "... must manage (your) own family well and see that children are obedient, and...do so in a manner worthy of full respect."

Photo credit: Photopin

"What distresses me at times is that I meet a lot of people in their 40's, 50's, 60's, who still say they're a victim of child abuse" - Dave Pelzer

Physical child abuse refers to fractures and other signs of injury that occur when a child is hurt in anger. Physical abuse occurs when children are hurt or injured intentionally by caregivers or other people entrusted to take care of them. Physical abuse is also giving your child alcohol or drugging them so they can sleep while you go out with friends. Physical abuse tends to occur at moments of great stress. Often people who commit physical abuse also have poor impulse control. This prevents them from thinking about what happens as a result of their actions. it is important to note that cases of child abuse are found in every racial or ethnic background and social class. It is impossible to tell abusers from non-abusers by looking at their appearance or background. Most people who commit physical abuse were abused themselves as children. As a result, they often do not realize that abuse is not appropriate discipline for children.

Karibi is a 13-year-old girl who lost her parents when she was ten. Later, she moved to live with her aunt; her brothers (aged 15 and 10) and her 6-year-old sister all moved with her. While her 15-year-old brother and aunt were out all day fetching food , the younger brother went to school, leaving Karibi to look after her younger sister. One day, her aunt came home to find out that Karibi had eaten the only food she had left for supper. The aunt was so angry that she dipped Karibi's right hand in boiling water. It wasn't the first time that Karibi had suffered at the hands of her aunt. She had been so badly beaten once that she ended up in admission at the nearby health centre. Till date the aunt often shouts at Karibi and blames her for everything wrong in the home, even for mistakes the young girl isn't responsible for.

Most children live in fear in their own homes. Most adults carry out their frustrations on these children. Sometimes parents come home drunk, and their children suffer the effect. The children become very withdrawn and jumpy when the abuser is in sight.

Karibi's case is one of the many examples of domestic abuse endured by children. I watched one on the news a few years back where a child had her lips sown together with needle and thread because her aunt said she talked too much. The lips were so swollen that the child couldn't speak. There is even far worse being done to children. Some by their teachers, others by health workers in charity homes, some by neighbours others by strangers. They break limbs, inflict burns and bruises. It makes me wonder if there are no subtle ways to discipline children. Are there no better ways for instilling the truth in them without hurting them physically and even worse psychologically?

How would you feel if someone burnt your hands because they want you to learn that lying is wrong? If adults were being burnt for every sin committed, or if people were being hurt that much, then by now, there'd be a lot of walking skeletons on our streets. We'd probably all be dead. Our wisdom nugget says "...in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you", in everything! It didn't say 'some things'.

Do unto those children what you would have someone do to you. And to women who keep little children as 'house maids' I'd like to say "do unto those children what you would like others to do unto your children." Selah

DEALING WITH CHILD (SEXUAL) ABUSE

Wisdom Nugget: "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged."

photo credit: photopin

Child sexual abuse occurs when adults (or older people) use children to fulfil their sexual pleasure.
Of all forms of abuse, child sexual abuse is perhaps the most difficult one for people to deal with. Nobody wants to think or talk about child sexual abuse because sex is considered to be something secret and taboo, not to be talked about. Not talking about sex however, has left children unprotected and adults feeling helpless. And truthfully, children can be sexually abused by anyone. That someone could be their parents, uncles, aunts, cousins and/or priests, even teachers. These trusted people are not incapable of sexually abusing them. There are a number of reasons for this. There are several things that make children especially vulnerable to sexual abuse. One of them is that traditionally, children are taught to respect and obey elders; this makes it difficult for them to say "no" to an adult. In addition, children are dependent on adults for many things including love, affection, protection, food and other basic needs and might want to do anything to make sure they keep getting them.

Brenda remarried two years after she lost her husband. She wanted a 'new daddy' for her four year old daughter, Jenny, and she believed Mike would fit properly into the role. She worked in a bank, so she always left home very early and came back late. Unknown to her, Mike was more interested in her little baby sexually than in being her daddy. He made her do things to him and also did things to her and the child never told anyone because she believed Mike when he said "that's what daddies do" He took pictures of her undressed and made her watch pornographic pictures and videos. Jenny would always cry when her mummy was going to work but Brenda never understood. In school Jenny kept to herself; she wouldn't participate in activities with the other kids. Back home Mike always snuck around trying to molest her even when mummy was fast asleep at night. This went on for years until Mike started physically abusing Brenda and she had to walk out of the marriage, taking Jenny with her. Jenny didn't tell her story until she was twenty-four years old when she went for counseling and had to free herself of the burden by telling her story for the first time.

This is the same story of most children living right under their parents. Some of them are being abused by uncles, neighbours, teachers, etc. and they might never get to tell them out of fear. That's why you have to look out for the signs yourself. It is a parent's responsibility as the adult around them. They might not be your children, but you have an obligation to report any child abuse you detect around you. Karen Adams said, "Child abuse does not go away. But 90% of child abuse is preventable"

We have to realize that children who are sexually abused may never recover from it except they get help. Abuse is damaging! It can change a child's destiny for the worse. That's why we need to help them and save them from paedophiles. We owe them that responsibility. It is a moral obligation. Our text says "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged." This is addressed to the fathers in the household and, by extension, to anyone in authority over that child. Those in authority are commanded, not suggested, not to provoke (abuse) a child until he is violently angry or in a rage of frustration.  It's simply saying that people in authority should not abuse any child for any reason. There can never be a good reason to abuse a child.

DEALING WITH CHILD ABUSE

Wisdom Nugget:

"Children are the world’s most valuable resource, and its best hope for the future”

John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Child abuse is the physical, sexual or emotional mistreatment or neglect of a child or children. Many children grow up in happy and loving homes, but others are harmed in various ways. Some children are mistreated, or neglected. Some adults take advantage of children to have sex with them. Children are most often abused by adults close to them and who have power and authority over them. This problem is made worse when children do not have a relationship with their parents or guardian; it makes it difficult to tell them that they have been abused. In such cases, abuse often times remains hidden within the family and the community.

There are many forms of child abuse. Children may be abused sexually, emotionally, physically, or they may be neglected. It is difficult for us to read or think about children being harmed in this way especially for someone like me, who knows how much my children mean to me; but nevertheless we have a responsibility to help in whatever way we can. So we must face the truth, abuse does happen and we must fight it!

One day a woman left her baby daughter in her husband's care while she was busy doing some work in another room. He immediately buried himself in his newspaper, and forgot all about the baby until he heard a series of thumps, followed by a horrendous cry. Instantly he knew that the baby had fallen down the stairs. He called out to his wife, "Honey Come quick our little girl just took her first 24 steps" it might seem like an interesting joke but most of us are like that husband. A child is put in our care by our wives, aunties, neighbours, sisters and so on. We neglect the child completely until something tragic happens to the child and then we start looking for cute excuses to make. You might not have known it but that is child abuse.

Some children have been chained like dogs and made to sleep in the garage or in a kennel. One child who survived such a tragic childhood has written about the abuse in a book titled, A Child Called "It". His mother would give him only the left-over from meals if he was good. When he went to school, he would steal food, only to return to the house after school and be forced to throw up. He was never allowed into the house except when he had to do chores. He was forced to sleep in the garage, and was constantly abused both mentally and physically by his mother. He had no hope and no happiness. Can you imagine that? Most women take children from their parents to live with them as a 'maid' and treat them even worse. They flog and maltreat them like they're dogs and then pamper their own children. Sometimes, it’s difficult to understand how we can have the heart to treat children worse than animals, simply because they didn't give birth to them. You see a family walk past you in the mall and you can tell who the 'children' are and who the maid is. How can you treat a child as precious as they are, like trash?

Children are priceless gifts, which means every child is our responsibility, do you treat you starve, beat or maltreat a gift? Trust me the way you treat that child in your care says a lot about you. John Fitzgerald Kennedy said "Children are the world's most valuable resource and its best hope for the future". These children are our future. Treat them well for you don't know what they might become to you tomorrow. Give this a serious thought.

DEALING WITH DOMESTIC ABUSE

Wisdom Nugget: "Husbands love your wives, and do not be harsh with them."

Photo credit: photopin

Domestic abuse is a pattern of behavior which involves the abuse by one partner against another in an intimate relationship such as marriage, cohabitation, dating or within the family. Domestic violence can take many forms, including physical aggression or assault (hitting, kicking, biting, shoving, restraining, slapping, throwing objects, battery), or threats thereof; sexual abuse; emotional abuse; controlling or domineering; intimidation; stalking; passive/covert abuse (e.g., neglect); and economic deprivation. Domestic violence occurs across the world in various cultures and affects people across societies, irrespective of their economic status, race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It has profound consequences on the lives of children, adults and families because it's the kind of abuse committed by someone that's supposed to love you.

Domestic violence could encompass both physical and emotional abuse. These includes sexual abuse, rape, incest, sexual assault, starvation, verbal and physiological abuse, economic abuse and exploitation, denial of basic education, intimidation and harassment, stalking, hazardous attack such as acid bath with offensive or poisonous substance, damage of property.

Wives and children are the most commonly abused. Men are abused too, but mostly verbally and psychologically. Our text admonishes husbands to love their wives and not be harsh, if you can apply this to your wives, so can you to your children. You'd find it naturally flowing down to them. This also applies to wives towards their husbands. Expressing love goes a long way to curb abuse.

Angela told her story; my real father was very abusive to my mom, my four siblings and me. When I was 11 years old, my younger sister, my three brothers and I were placed in foster care homes, as my mom could not handle this life of abuse and had no other supports to keep her life together. It was my further misfortune that the foster father where my sister and I were placed was emotionally, physically and mentally abusive to all of the children in the home. At one point we had as many as ten children living in this home. I was the cook and the bottle washer, and was just one of many who would work very hard with much scolding and degradation. On one occasion I watched my foster brother get beaten. It was very traumatizing. I thought that I was witnessing a murder! This young man was 9 years old and the reason that he was getting this severe treatment was because he did not know how to eat with a spoon or fork. He had never been taught, and somehow that warranted punishment - as if it were his fault. I watched his under-nourished body as he was thrown violently down a full flight of stairs. Once he landed on the concrete basement floor and just laid there. I thought that he had died. My foster father followed him down the stairs then proceeded to kick him from one end of the basement to the other. He punched this poor lifeless body, then spoke such negative words over this young man and then continued to kick him repeatedly. I was so terrified at what I had witnessed that I ran away to my room so that he would not know how much I had seen that day. Thank God that this young boy managed to survive this terrible beating. The next day, every part of his body was swollen and black and blue. He still had to do all of his chores. This young man later grew up and was abusive to his first wife until she left him. He then remarried another woman and beat her as well. The cycle perpetuated, which is often seen, unless counsel, therapy, education or some other kind of intervention, changes the course of the cycle.

Domestic violence is common and occurs in more homes than you can imagine. Women take in girls as 'house maids' and treat them like slaves. While their children are treated like kings and the 'maids' serve them and is at their service. I find such scenarios amusing because those parents think they're doing their children well, while the fact is that most of these kids end up spoilt and are unable to live independently even after they grow up. Yes, the bible said "train up a child the way he should go." but it didn't say "kill a child before he grows."  Besides, it's beyond the marks and bruises; you could be damaging your victim emotionally for life. You could be creating the worlds' next monster, because abuse does one of two things; it either turns the abused into an abuser or it turns the abused into their shells for the rest of their lives.

Salma Hayek said "There is a subconscious way of taking violence as a way of expression, as normality, and it has a lot of effects in the youth in the way they absorb education and what they hope to get out of life."