DEALING WITH CHILD (SEXUAL) ABUSE

Wisdom Nugget: "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged."

photo credit: photopin

Child sexual abuse occurs when adults (or older people) use children to fulfil their sexual pleasure.
Of all forms of abuse, child sexual abuse is perhaps the most difficult one for people to deal with. Nobody wants to think or talk about child sexual abuse because sex is considered to be something secret and taboo, not to be talked about. Not talking about sex however, has left children unprotected and adults feeling helpless. And truthfully, children can be sexually abused by anyone. That someone could be their parents, uncles, aunts, cousins and/or priests, even teachers. These trusted people are not incapable of sexually abusing them. There are a number of reasons for this. There are several things that make children especially vulnerable to sexual abuse. One of them is that traditionally, children are taught to respect and obey elders; this makes it difficult for them to say "no" to an adult. In addition, children are dependent on adults for many things including love, affection, protection, food and other basic needs and might want to do anything to make sure they keep getting them.

Brenda remarried two years after she lost her husband. She wanted a 'new daddy' for her four year old daughter, Jenny, and she believed Mike would fit properly into the role. She worked in a bank, so she always left home very early and came back late. Unknown to her, Mike was more interested in her little baby sexually than in being her daddy. He made her do things to him and also did things to her and the child never told anyone because she believed Mike when he said "that's what daddies do" He took pictures of her undressed and made her watch pornographic pictures and videos. Jenny would always cry when her mummy was going to work but Brenda never understood. In school Jenny kept to herself; she wouldn't participate in activities with the other kids. Back home Mike always snuck around trying to molest her even when mummy was fast asleep at night. This went on for years until Mike started physically abusing Brenda and she had to walk out of the marriage, taking Jenny with her. Jenny didn't tell her story until she was twenty-four years old when she went for counseling and had to free herself of the burden by telling her story for the first time.

This is the same story of most children living right under their parents. Some of them are being abused by uncles, neighbours, teachers, etc. and they might never get to tell them out of fear. That's why you have to look out for the signs yourself. It is a parent's responsibility as the adult around them. They might not be your children, but you have an obligation to report any child abuse you detect around you. Karen Adams said, "Child abuse does not go away. But 90% of child abuse is preventable"

We have to realize that children who are sexually abused may never recover from it except they get help. Abuse is damaging! It can change a child's destiny for the worse. That's why we need to help them and save them from paedophiles. We owe them that responsibility. It is a moral obligation. Our text says "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged." This is addressed to the fathers in the household and, by extension, to anyone in authority over that child. Those in authority are commanded, not suggested, not to provoke (abuse) a child until he is violently angry or in a rage of frustration.  It's simply saying that people in authority should not abuse any child for any reason. There can never be a good reason to abuse a child.

DEALING WITH DOMESTIC ABUSE

Wisdom Nugget: "Husbands love your wives, and do not be harsh with them."

Photo credit: photopin

Domestic abuse is a pattern of behavior which involves the abuse by one partner against another in an intimate relationship such as marriage, cohabitation, dating or within the family. Domestic violence can take many forms, including physical aggression or assault (hitting, kicking, biting, shoving, restraining, slapping, throwing objects, battery), or threats thereof; sexual abuse; emotional abuse; controlling or domineering; intimidation; stalking; passive/covert abuse (e.g., neglect); and economic deprivation. Domestic violence occurs across the world in various cultures and affects people across societies, irrespective of their economic status, race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It has profound consequences on the lives of children, adults and families because it's the kind of abuse committed by someone that's supposed to love you.

Domestic violence could encompass both physical and emotional abuse. These includes sexual abuse, rape, incest, sexual assault, starvation, verbal and physiological abuse, economic abuse and exploitation, denial of basic education, intimidation and harassment, stalking, hazardous attack such as acid bath with offensive or poisonous substance, damage of property.

Wives and children are the most commonly abused. Men are abused too, but mostly verbally and psychologically. Our text admonishes husbands to love their wives and not be harsh, if you can apply this to your wives, so can you to your children. You'd find it naturally flowing down to them. This also applies to wives towards their husbands. Expressing love goes a long way to curb abuse.

Angela told her story; my real father was very abusive to my mom, my four siblings and me. When I was 11 years old, my younger sister, my three brothers and I were placed in foster care homes, as my mom could not handle this life of abuse and had no other supports to keep her life together. It was my further misfortune that the foster father where my sister and I were placed was emotionally, physically and mentally abusive to all of the children in the home. At one point we had as many as ten children living in this home. I was the cook and the bottle washer, and was just one of many who would work very hard with much scolding and degradation. On one occasion I watched my foster brother get beaten. It was very traumatizing. I thought that I was witnessing a murder! This young man was 9 years old and the reason that he was getting this severe treatment was because he did not know how to eat with a spoon or fork. He had never been taught, and somehow that warranted punishment - as if it were his fault. I watched his under-nourished body as he was thrown violently down a full flight of stairs. Once he landed on the concrete basement floor and just laid there. I thought that he had died. My foster father followed him down the stairs then proceeded to kick him from one end of the basement to the other. He punched this poor lifeless body, then spoke such negative words over this young man and then continued to kick him repeatedly. I was so terrified at what I had witnessed that I ran away to my room so that he would not know how much I had seen that day. Thank God that this young boy managed to survive this terrible beating. The next day, every part of his body was swollen and black and blue. He still had to do all of his chores. This young man later grew up and was abusive to his first wife until she left him. He then remarried another woman and beat her as well. The cycle perpetuated, which is often seen, unless counsel, therapy, education or some other kind of intervention, changes the course of the cycle.

Domestic violence is common and occurs in more homes than you can imagine. Women take in girls as 'house maids' and treat them like slaves. While their children are treated like kings and the 'maids' serve them and is at their service. I find such scenarios amusing because those parents think they're doing their children well, while the fact is that most of these kids end up spoilt and are unable to live independently even after they grow up. Yes, the bible said "train up a child the way he should go." but it didn't say "kill a child before he grows."  Besides, it's beyond the marks and bruises; you could be damaging your victim emotionally for life. You could be creating the worlds' next monster, because abuse does one of two things; it either turns the abused into an abuser or it turns the abused into their shells for the rest of their lives.

Salma Hayek said "There is a subconscious way of taking violence as a way of expression, as normality, and it has a lot of effects in the youth in the way they absorb education and what they hope to get out of life."

Injustice and Curses

Wisdom Nugget: He has told you, O man, what is good; and what is required of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your Maker?             

Scale of Justice

All through the book you will notice that "The fatherless and widows" come under the same omnibus and are always grouped together. Literally, "the fatherless" means those without fathers and "the widows", those without husbands. But the spirit of the text goes beyond that simplistic application. They both represent people who are defenseless,. helpless, vulnerable and with no one to fight for them.

In most cultures in my country, when a father dies and his children are not of age, relatives take away all of the father's assets from you, everything. As for the widow, she is only a piece of property bought by the husband while he was alive. At his death, all her husband's properties are seized, she is subjected to demonic rituals like drinking the water derived from the washing of the corpse, shaved and must not leave the solitude, confinement and darkness of the room she shared with the husband for several months. When she finishes with the mourning rites, the house would have been swept, her; children, reduced to housemaids and everything her husband labored for would have disappeared. Often, young widows are forcibly remarried to one of the deceased's kinsmen; or contend with being raped as a matter of right. And sometimes, she may have to sleep with those who are to pay her late husband's gratuities.

Once there was a young girl who went to her late father's colleagues for assistance for her school fees. This man whom she called uncle, gave her a condition: she was requird to sleep with him before he would offer her any assistance. What these  traditionalists don't know is that these cultures bring great curses upon our communities . When the bitter tears of these fatherless girls and poor widows flow down their cheeks and fall to the ground, a lamentation against the land is raised. And a curse is invoked upon the people.

As Job put it : "But maybe you sent widows away without giving them anything.And maybe you took advantage of orphans. That is why traps are all around you,and sudden trouble makes you afraid. That is why it is so dark you cannot see,and why a flood of water covers you."

Have you ever wondered why many of our communities are so blessed in natural resources but the people are still poor ? Foreigners come in and prosper but the owners of the land are blind and in darkness and can't see the opportunities and for centuries the flood of poverty covers the indigenous people. Violence against women, rapes, mutilation of the female genitals are only a few of the evils that are responsible for the downward spirals of our economy and the violence and fears that we live with daily.

"...maker of the fatherless, and judge of the widows...will bless a people who respect the right of orphans and widows and vice versa."

 “If you listen to what I say, you will get the good things from this land. But if you refuse to listen and rebel against me, your enemies will destroy you.'... She was a faithful city. What made her become like a prostitute? In the past, the city... was filled with justice, and goodness... Instead, there are murderers. Once you were like pure silver, but now you are like the impurities that people throw away when the silver is purified. You are like good wine that has been weakened with water. Your rulers are rebels and friends of thieves. They demand bribes and accept money for doing wrong. They take money to cheat people, and they don’t speak up for widows and orphans. They will not even listen to their cries for help."

Another sage says, “You must never do anything bad to women whose husbands are dead or to orphans. If you do anything wrong to these widows or orphans, Their Maker will know it; will hear about their suffering; and will be very angry...

Conclude with Imelda Marcos words: "Continuous persecution of widows and orphans is a crime. Even the Bible says there is a specific place in hell for those who oppress widows."

Picture credit: fabiusmaximus.com

The Curse Of Injustice II

Wisdom Nugget: To trick a blind man into going the wrong way is to attract a curse.

A curse is an invocation of a supernatural power  to afflict or injure grievously; to harass or torment, to inflict serious harm or punishment on someone or to cause misfortune, evil, doom or unhappiness etc to  befall a person, group.

In the noun, to be blind means "People who are unable to see."

But in the verb it means "to Cause (someone) to be unable to see, permanently or temporarily: eg "eyes blinded with tears".

Life always brings us in contact with people who are temporarily blind , due to a situation they have found themselves in. The young girl who is in a relationship crisis; the fresh graduate who badly needs the job but must sleep with someone; the student (as a lecturer) who is struggling to pass your course and can't figure out why she keeps failing it; the young man in mid life crisis who comes to you for answers to 101 Questions of life; the young student who is confused about which career path to follow or who cannot figure out where the next school fee will come from; your congregant (as a pastor or religious leader) who looks up to you as God's representative; your subordinate in the office who regards you as their father or elder brother, depending absolutely on your (in)sight to make it to the top some day; and finally, your patient whose nakedness is only known to you and her husband. These people are blind, confused, defenseless and vulnerable before you.

Oftentimes, you hold in your hands the power to either make or destroy them, either help them or abuse them, either love them or lust after them, either tell them the truth or mislead them, either cover their nakedness or take advantage of their vulnerability, either be their stepping stone or stumbling block, either be their father or their sugar daddy and to either be their mentor or tormentor. The choice is yours to either be their hero or their villain but whatever is your choice they will remember you either for fame or for shame, either for the problems you solved for them or the ones you created for them. And we have enough history to show that those blind people you tricked into going the wrong way, sometime in the past, always have a bad habit of showing up somewhere at the crossroad of your future/destiny, just when you are about to be crowned, and spoiling your party. If you doubt, ask Anthony Weiner, John Edwards, Eliot Spitzer, Barney Frank, Larry Craig, Kwame Kilpatrick, Senator David Vitter, John Ensign,Mark Sanford.

US President Thomas Jefferson (1802): was accused of fathering the children of his slave, US President Grover Cleveland (1884): had sexual relationships with a number of men; US President Warren Harding (1921-1923): had extramarital affairs with two women; US President John F. Kennedy (1963) was linked to a number of extramarital affairs;
US President Bill Clinton (1998): Monica Lewinsky had oral sex with Clinton in the Oval Office; Jacob Zuma (2005-2006): was charged with rape before becoming President of South Africa
Ramzan Kadyrov, Prime Minister of the Chechen Republic (2006): appears in a sauna sex party video; Silvio Berlusconi, Italy’s Prime Minister (2011): paid for sex with a minor on a bunga bunga party and has just been sentenced to imprisonment for other of fences. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Governor of California (2011): had fathered his housekeeper’s son, now aged 15 and Dominique Strauss-Kahn, Head of the IMF (2011): charged with the sexual assault and attempted rape of a housekeeper was disqualified from participating in the French Presidential elections.

To trick a blind man into going the wrong way is to attract a curse. To you who feel the pain of injustice, this is my advice : "The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." -Richard Bach

Photo credit: disputeabout.eu

The Curse Of Injustice

Wisdom Nuggets: The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly.

                                                                                                          -  Richard Bach

confident injustice

In the next couple of days I shall be drawing your attention to an explosive truth which many in this generation either do not know or ignore. It is called The Curse of Injustice. Many are aware of The Power of Blessings. That is why in the US you hear people say "God Bless America". But what is equally potent is the power of a curse provoked by injustice.

Understanding the complexities of human existence in all ramifications; acknowledging the inevitability of our defenselessness and vulnerablilities can help us understand the inherent dangers of injustice. There exist designed laws which make it obligatory for the strong to protect the weak, the informed to protect the ignorant and the powerful to protect the defenseless. To violate that law is to attract a curse (Cursed be anyone who perverts the justice due to the foreigner...)

In 2009,  I sat next to a young man from Miami Florida to Haiti, on board an American Airways flight, and we naturally became friendly. It was my first trip to Haiti and it was soon after the earthquake. I was on a fact finding mission to see how my country could assist Haiti. So I was quick to befriend the young man so I could find my bearing when I arrived Port au Prince. On arrival, we drove around. I was shocked at the sorry state of Port au Prince, many months after the earthquake. Corpses were still trapped under the rubbles, collapsed buildIngs still leaned against one another, people still lived under the UN refugee tents and hunger was endemic. My Haitian friend had told me even the eggs sold in Haiti were from the nearby Dominican Republic. Turning to him, i told him i needed to change some dollars so I could take care of my hotel bills and other miscellaneous expenses. So he drove me to a dirty street, asked me to wait in the car, called a friend with whom he disappeared for a while. When he returned, he told me that the exchange rate was 1$ =30 Haitian Gourde. I was so shocked because I realized how poor the country was and I couldn't reconcile it with the high value on their currency. But I felt I was in the protective custody of my new found host and thus, couldn't dare question his facts (and figures). After all, his wife had joined us. They both communicated in Creole and I couldn't understand a word of what was said. I exchanged about $700 (because he had insisted I must take him and his wife to the most expensive restaurant in Port au Prince). Then I got to my hotel and asked the receptionist who told me the rate was $1= 35,000 Haitian Gourde. Next day my friend insisted that I paid him $500 dollars for taking me around in his car for half a day. As I boarded my flight to leave Haiti the next day I said to myself, "Now I understand why they are so poor !"

We're all defenseless foreIgners. The new staff in your office, the new girl or family in your neighborhood, the new student in your class, the new member in your church/club, the new entrant into your line of business, and the new wife your brother just married into your family, without exception, are all vulnerable and defenseless foreigners whom the fates have brought across your path. Before you take advantage of them remember the words of Plato, "He who commits injustice is ever made more wretched than he who suffers it."

 Don't  ever forget, the wheel of injustice always spins around. Today it is someone else, tomorrow it may be you. Whatever a man sows, that he will reap.

Photo Credit: johncalvinmusic.bandcamp.com

Love Is Never Happy With Injustice

Fighting Injustice

Wisdom Nugget :  “You must be fair in judgment. You must not show special favor to the poor. And you must not show special favor to important people. You must be fair when you judge your neighbor. You must not go around spreading false stories against other people. Don’t do anything that would put your neighbor’s life in danger... “You must be fair when you judge people, and you must be fair when you measure and weigh things. Your baskets should be the right size. Your jars should hold the right amount of liquids. Your weights and balances should weigh things correctly..."

Today, permit me to demystify and simplify injustice.

When Mrs Potiphar falsely accused Joseph of attempted tape and without trial, he was thrown into prison, that was an injustice.

When Samuel’s sons Joel and Abijah, refused to follow their father's footsteps but  accepted bribes and took money secretly and changed their decisions in court and cheated people in court, that was injustice.

When Jezebel got some area boys to testify against Naboth in court and thereupon had him executed so her husband could acquire Naboth's family land, that was injustice.

"... we pushed Justice away.Fairness stands off in the distance.Truth has fallen in the streets.Goodness is not allowed in the city..." This is another face of injustice.

When against all known rules of natural justice, equity and good conscience, innocent people are convicted, that is injustice.

Unfortunately injustice is real and happens everyday. As St. Augustine advised, "If you are suffering from a bad man's injustice, forgive him lest there be two bad men." Only love can transform calculated  injustice into creative justice. Love makes justice just. Justice without love is always injustice.

 We may seem now to be surrounded by chaos -- war, disease, injustice, oppression, death. But we can rise above these societal ills. Things are not what they seem to be. It is only a matter of time until it becomes clear to all that we are more than conquerors.

Hate injustice but be careful never to hate the perpetuators of injustice.

 Let's end with this quote by, Moore, Olive: "Hatred is a passion requiring one hundred times the energy of love. Keep it for a cause, not an individual. Keep it for intolerance, injustice, stupidity. For hatred is the strength of the sensitive. Its power and its greatness depend on the selflessness of its use."

Photo credit: thecrazylady.wordpress.com