"N" Is for Nurturing: Friendships Need Nurturing

Wisdom nugget: "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

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The Merriam Webster Dictionary gives a clear and concise description of what "nurturing implies." Simply put, "It's to supply with nourishment; educate and further the development of."

I've heard a couple of people use the cliché ''in the good old days" Now is the good old days, probably referring to the past or when the friendship was interesting; my sincere question is how about now? Is there a missing link? Is the sparkle that used to be there still intact? All these questions bring to mind the fact that  friendship is a responsibility. Nurturing friendships is a sure way to improving relationships, otherwise the thrills begin to wane and the friendship becomes eroded by the things that had put a strain on it over time.  Undoubtedly, it's not easy to nurture anything; patience is one of the things you need if you will see the fruits you so much desire in  friendship. It may take some real time because individuals are wired differently. Sure, you wouldn't want to give up on your child who really gets choosy about foods and then say ''well I think I've exhausted my food options, now it's time to give up on and focus on something else that's worth my time." You may feel that's the best, but then there are dire consequences.

The truth is that your child stops growing and gets malnourished just because you gave up on nurturing him. It's the same way a husband and wife need to nurture their love for one another because they are friends. Understand the importance of developing friendships and nurturing the friendship. If there is no form of nurturing, the friendship begins to die slowly.

Since her high school years, Dorothy had a passion to become an internationally acclaimed public speaker. Sometimes she read out loud to herself and sometimes to the hearing of "so called" friends. But she had a seemingly great challenge with her pronunciation of words. Sometimes during her reading sessions at school, she would hear outbursts of laughter and then she returns to her seat in shame. It began to take a toll on her health, she felt inadequate and her passion for public speaking began to wane. Two months later, her family had to relocate and that was quite challenging for her. Her greatest concern was how she would cope in her new school. Will she meet with angels as friends this time or with those worse than the former friends? Many unanswered questions.

Interestingly, it was a different ball game all together. Her first day at school was thrilling, it was a quite receptive one for her and she hoped to meet real friends afterwards. One of the days she stood by the window in her room as she gazed into the sky, lost in utter admiration of the stars. Her phone rang and it was her mate at school who got her phone number from the class directory, and asked how she could help her edit the speech she was to deliver in 2 weeks. Dorothy stood amazed for a while and all she could mutter was "ok.ay". Edit what? She thought aloud. Is that some sort of joke? She felt inspired as she got ready for the meeting, she probably couldn't decipher why. The summary was that she helped the girl edit her speech and the girl being an excellent public speaker began to help her with her pronunciation exercises and gradually she began to improve, her confidence grew in stepwise successions. Her new friend encouraged her, and was patient with her as she got better. Each of them played a life changing role; and they both improved just because of the conscious decision to help each other and realizing that everyone had special ability. It was a nurturing experience for both. Dorothy became one of the best valedictorian of her time because she was receptive to nurturing.

Nurturing does a lot for a friendship, but I shall list five of these things.

Nurturing improves, illuminates, educates, renews and transforms.

As Marvin J Ashton says: "Be the one who nurtures and builds. Be the one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart. One who looks out for the best in people. Leave people better than you found them"

On Building Enduring Friendships

Wisdom Nugget: Chuck Swindoll said "If you turn sour, your circle of friends will get smaller and smaller until it is a circle of one - you!"

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These days a lot of young people walk away from friendships and when you ask them why they tell you "some people are just meant to pass through your life". Much as I may agree with this in part. I'm also of the opinion that friends shouldn't get so far apart that they cannot say a word of greeting when they bump into each other. Friendship is enduring, it's lasting, it's not something that you should totally cut off except the person has become a bad influence to you or others around you, otherwise, when you shut the door to a friendship please always keep a window open for you don't know when you might need to use that window. That "some people are just meant to pass through" message does not mean that you should go out there and make enemies. It simply means you should cut down on your level of intimacy; it is not a license to start off world war III! Never forget this "The friendship that can cease has never been real." - Saint Jerome

Now that I've gotten that first point out of the way, let's talk about people you're still friends with. Why are you eager to do away with a friend over an offence? I get that some friends can be so annoying. Some can drive you to the wall till you want to scream. But before you decide to end it ask yourself if they've always been like that or was it a onetime offence? Have you never wronged them? Did they not forgive you? Are they perfect? Can they not go wrong? If you quit a friendship today, who's to say another will never offend you tomorrow ? Be patient with your friend. Endure a while before you make that final decision. Be sure you have run out of options. Don't be a quitter. People will begin to wonder at your credibility if you have a different set of friends every new month. Learn to endure your friends' shortcomings for no man, not even you, is really perfect.

Mike went hiking with a large group of friends. He was ahead of everyone and was enjoying himself until unfortunately his shoes began to hurt. He got overly annoyed with this development; he didn't want to lose his position but the pain caused by his shoe was drawing him backwards so he decided to lose the shoes. His backpack was packed full and he carried a water flask so there was no carrying the shoe on his hands. He finally made up his mind to leave the shoes by a rock and continued on bare feet.

After a while, the sun got really hot and so did the rocks beneath Mike's feet. It got to a point it became so unbearable that he made the tough decision of going back for the shoes, he ran all the way back bumping into his troop as he ran. He got to the rock but didn't find his shoes. He caught up with his troop and asked for who had seen his shoes but nobody had seen it. He felt miserable and had the worst hiking ever as his feet burnt so much that he spent the next few weeks lying in the hospital.
So your friend gives you pain like Mike's shoes, is that a good reason to leave him/her by the rock? The day you need them you might return to find that they're no longer available. Learn to put up with friends even when they give you a crazy pain on your feet. Chuck Swindoll said "If you turn sour, your circle of friends will get smaller and smaller until it is a circle of one - you!" don't be sour, laugh with your friends, cry with them, suffer with them. Endure. show yourself friendly, that'll make you a friend that sticks closer than a brother.

R- RESPECT. FRIENDSHIP IS RESPECT

Wisdom Nugget:A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

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The story is told of a father of five who came home with a toy; he summoned his children and asked which one should be given the present. "Who is the most obedient, never talks back to mom and does everything he or she is told to do?" He inquired. There was silence, and then a chorus of voices: "You can play with it daddy!"

Respect is a fast disappearing culture in this century even amongst families. And  it is worse amongst friends . It was  Charles de Gaulle who said, “There can be no prestige without mystery, for familiarity breeds contempt.”

One of the top 3 destroyers of friendships anywhere in the world is the Lack of Respect arising from over-familiarity.  Jason Zebehazy wrote, " Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and familiarity breeds contempt. According to this my soulmate should be in Thailand.”

Unfortunately, our friends are not in Thailand or a hundred seas away . In fact, most of our friends are very close-by, and before you know it, we begin to take each other for granted. Gradually we begin to erode the boundaries that defined the relationship in the first place (for EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS DEFINED BY BOUNDARIES) and once that happens, the relationship begins to suffer.

For instance, Anna messes up Anita's room and does not bother to fix it. She uses the toilet and does not bother to clean it, wears Anita's clothes and jewelries without permission, intrudes into her privacy at will, borrows from her and does not return or pay back. Sometimes, Anna makes promises with no intention of keeping them; she does not keep appointments and completely disregards and abuses her time.  Problem is, most often, we do not value our friends until we loose them. Never take your friends for granted. They are your greatest wealth.

Frankly, if you want to keep your friends then "show yourself friendly". Respect and honour your friends. Look at what you've got and make the best of it. It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.

Richard David Bach said "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life.” One Persian Proverb says “He who wants a rose must respect the thorn.” And Nelson Mandela concludes “For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.”